It can be difficult to separate in its own way.The involvement of a child can cause serious tension for everyone.If a child is in the picture, you can't make a clean break with your ex and need to maintain some type of relationship.In an acrimonious separation, you can cut through the tension by remaining focused on your child and their interests.You need to think about how you communicate with your child and make sure your behavior provides support and affection for them.
Step 1: You have to learn to forgive.
Even after the relationship is over, you may still have issues with your ex.You need to take a pragmatic view now that you are separated.Even if your ex hasn't apologized, learn to forgive them.You have to take a mental inventory of what makes you angry at your ex.When you are reminded of your differences, ignoring your feelings will not be a permanent solution as your anger will likely swell up again in the future.You should try to see things from their point of view.It can be difficult to acknowledge your own fault.Their behavior can help if they consider aspects of their personality or history.It will be easier to forgive.If you speak with them separately from your children, you can work out issues that are bothering you.You have sole control over forgiveness.Work through your anger on your own if you speak with your ex.
Step 2: Maintaining a professional tone is important.
It may be difficult to separate your emotions from your relationship with your ex.Think of them as a colleague, rather than a personal relationship with your business being the care of your child.Stay focused on pragmatic goals and speak professionally.Make requests instead of demands.Explanations are included with your requests.Instead of saying I need you to take the kids on Thursday nights, ask if you would be willing to do so.My friends asked me to join a bowling league and I would like to do so.When speaking with them, ask clarifying questions and keep a sincere body language.If you and your ex argue, set boundaries.If you communicate through text or email, you won't get caught up in personal emotions.
Step 3: Mention their parenting.
If you notice that your ex is going out of their way to provide excellent care for your children, tell them you appreciate it.It's a great way to keep the focus on your children and build on positive aspects of your relationship.Say something like, "I really appreciate you taking the kids to soccer practice, I heard you did a great job with the bake sale last week."
Step 4: Negotiating terms.
If you are going through a legal divorce, you will have to go through negotiations to determine the provision of financial and material childcare and your scheduled share of time with the children.It is good to try and work out terms in an honest and pragmatic fashion if you are going through a legal separation procedure.Schedules for custody and money for child care are the most important considerations.These issues can be very complex and you may need an attorney to represent your interests.To determine your ex's expectations on these matters, you should start with a personal conversation.Don't sign any kind of legally binding agreement until you have a lawyer look over it and advise you on the consequences.It takes compromise from both parents to co-parenting successfully.Stay flexible and things will work well.
Step 5: Consider the day-to-day of your child.
You need to think about driving the kids to after school activities.Consider how the separation might affect your child.How you enforce discipline and what kind of rules you apply to the kids need to be considered.Prioritize consistency between your two households.
Step 6: Legal issues should be left with lawyers.
If there are areas of disagreement that a judge has ordered you to resolve, leave them out of your conversations.It will only cause acrimony if you can't resolve the issue.
Step 7: Group counseling would be a good idea.
Counselors are available for anyone in a relationship, including exes.If you are having difficulty working through your issues with your ex, you may want to talk to a relationship therapist.If you think the separation is affecting your child's mood or behavior, you may want to consider counseling.
Step 8: Discuss the best way to interact with your kids.
Discuss the most damaging and ideal ways to get to the bottom of the separation with your child.Tailor your communications to the child's age and level of understanding.
Step 9: Don't wait to break the news.
While it may be tempting to shield your child from the events of your separation as much as possible, they will likely understand what is happening and that will lead to confusion.The most difficult part of your separation may be breaking the news the right way.Try to have a conversation with everyone in the family.When explaining the situation to them, make time to answer any questions they have.Soften the initial shock of the situation.Start with something like, "I don't want you to worry."If you think your child already knows what's going on, you may want to ask them what they think.Explain that you and your ex have disagreements and want to separate to be the best parents possible.Emphasize that your love for the child has not changed.
Step 10: Continue to maintain consistency.
To have as little impact on your child as possible, you will want to maintain as much consistency in your parenting style and routine as you can.Your attitude and demeanor as a parent should be considered along with the child's schedule.If you are unsure about how to handle a parenting situation, ask yourself what you would have done.Before and after separation, children need to have consistent rules.Consistency is one of the things they need to have when they switch households.It can be tempting to give your child a gift.You should always show your child a lot of affection and think about how difficult a separation will be for them.Going too far can signal a lifestyle change that makes your child uncomfortable or result in them feeling entitled to special treatment.During the separation, allow your child to have strong relationships with both parents, reduce their exposure to conflict, and provide them with consistent parenting.
Step 11: Adhere to communications.
It's a good idea to speak with your ex about issues related to your child.It's a good idea to speak at least once a week over the phone or in person.It might be helpful to establish one conversation that includes new relationships or step-guardians and one without them if you try to keep these discussions solely focused on your child.
Step 12: Don't let negative thoughts to yourself.
Don't involve your child in the animosity, no matter how upset you are.It's never a good idea to blame your ex for the separation.Speaking negatively about your ex will cause a child to feel torn between the two of you, and will also risk the child lashing out at them or you.If your ex is talking negatively about you in front of the child, be the bigger person and not retaliate.Explain to your child that your ex is going through a tough time and is trying to get through it.
Step 13: It's a good idea to compliment your ex.
Your child should be encouraged to see your ex in a positive light.If you can, show your child that the end of your romantic relationship has not ended your co-parenting relationship and respect for each other by saying nice things about your ex.Encourage your child to appreciate the skills and parenting effort of your ex by saying things like, "Your mother did a great job coaching your little league team."
Step 14: Encourage your child to respect your ex.
You will have to accept that this person will be a significant part of your child's life if you don't adjust to seeing your ex with a new relationship.Your child is more likely to disrespect and resent them if you show your dislike for them.This will cause stress for your ex and your child.The new relationship should be praised.Ask your child questions like, "What is dad's new girlfriend like?"They need to respect the new relationship as an authority figure.Mom and her husband are the adults of the house.If your child dislikes the new relationship, give them the chance to vent their frustration but encourage them to adapt.Say something like, "This is hard on me too."
Step 15: Direct communication with your ex.
Your child will be put in the middle of your conflict if you use them as a messenger.This is a common mistake for separated parents who don't want to deal directly with each other.Email, phone, and even talking through lawyers are some of the more productive ways to communicate.