A trusting relationship is necessary for a marriage to work.When trust has been broken due to infidelity, substance abuse, or something else, both people in the marriage must make a conscious effort to rebuild their marriage.It is possible to rebuild a marriage by restoring trust.There are steps that each person can take to rebuild the marriage.
Step 1: To rebuild your marriage, you have to make a decision.
If you don't commit yourself to rebuilding the marriage, you will not be able to restore trust.Making an honest decision to rebuild your marriage rather than abandon it is the first step of practicing rigorous honesty required for this process.People end marriages rather than rebuild them.This isn't a failure or a bad thing, it's just the outcome of the situation.If this is the case for you, you will be spending your time trying to rebuild rather than moving on.Once you've decided not to rebuild your marriage, your relationship with your spouse could improve.You have to decide if you want to rebuild your marriage.Your friends and family are often vocal about what you should do.This is normal.You have to make your own decisions about what's true for you.There are children in a marriage.Staying together for the sake of the children is not a good idea.Children deal with divorce.
Step 2: Do you want to be married to someone?
If you've changed your ideas about what you want in a marriage, you should consider whether they're realistic.People grow apart.10 years ago may not reflect who you are today.The other person may not change in the same way.This can cause problems.It doesn't mean either of you are bad.It is important to know what your partner wants.He or she might not be happy.Newlyweds have idealistic expectations of what marriage should be like.This is also true of young couples.Even if the other partner has not done anything wrong, they might feel betrayed when these ideas aren't always realized.Examining unrealistic standards can help a marriage.People who experience a crisis in their marriage tend to have stronger marriages.Reexamining your expectations about marriage is a part of rebuilding a marriage.You need to be able to compromise if you and your spouse have different ideas about what you want in a marriage.To rebuild a marriage, both partners have to be committed.It's not possible to rebuild a marriage if one person isn't willing or able to do it.Sometimes one partner desperately wants to repair the marriage and the other is not going to do it.Sometimes one partner is in denial about the commitment to rebuilding.What kind of marriage do you want?A good marriage has clear expectations, shared visions, and goals which will not be the same from marriage to marriage.You need to be clear about what that is for.What went wrong for you is an opportunity to examine what you want to change.
Step 3: Please ask for assistance.
It is difficult to rebuild a marriage.It is possible to talk to a professional.The person might be a counselor, priest, rabbi, or other religious leader with training in marriage counseling.Someone who isn't emotionally involved in your marriage may be able to help you see patterns of communication that are bad for your relationship.It can be difficult to change negative communication patterns on your own.If you want to rebuild a marriage, you'll need another person's help to learn to recognize communication that leaves you feeling depressed, insecure, or wanting to leave the conversation.A counselor or therapist can help you remember how intimate you were when you and your spouse became roommates.It might be useful to talk to a professional if you feel like the only reason to rebuild the marriage is for the sake of the children.Staying together for the sake of the children is not an adequate reason to rebuild your marriage.It is true that it is a reason to try to make a marriage work.
Step 4: Taking steps to rebuild trust is necessary.
If you are responsible for breaking the trust in your marriage, you will need to take additional steps.Allow complete openness regarding your plans and communications, and make a commitment to telling the truth.Don't hold anything back.If you can, try to keep the details of the past transgression to yourself.It is important to tell the other spouse the truth.Relating betrayals doesn't help your spouse move on.It's important for one person to get answers, but not for another.Let your spouse make an accounting of what he or she wants.It will take time to rebuild trust even if you come clean.Your spouse may not approve of you having a separate bank account or having drinks with someone of the opposite sex.You may have to change jobs or give up drinking if you want to rebuild trust.It is possible to learn more about why you broke trust with your spouse.Learning about your emotional vulnerabilities is what this means.You should be open about this process with your spouse.Don't blame someone else for your betrayal.You need to take full responsibility for your actions if you want to rebuild your marriage.
Step 5: Rebuilding your friendship is a priority.
A happy, lasting relationship can be experienced by married couples who have a strong friendship.Building your friendship is a good place to start if you don't have a great relationship with your spouse.Spending quality time together talking to each other about your lives, hopes, and dreams is one thing you can do to improve your friendship with your spouse.
Step 6: The good in your spouse should be noticed.
Don't say anything bad about your spouse to anyone outside of your marriage.Positive things your spouse has done are what you should state when talking to your family and friends.Tell your spouse what you like about him.Negative qualities are what a marriage in need of rebuilding will focus on.It is possible to change a lot about your marriage by focusing on positive qualities.The negative observations should be eliminated.You will likely notice a difference if you only state two positive qualities about your spouse in a week.
Step 7: Make your expectations different.
It's easy to create an internal checklist of what a perfect spouse would look like, but it is not realistic to expect your partner to fit this mold.You don't have to like everything about your spouse.Building a marriage involves learning to accept each other's limitations.You can learn to develop a realistic form of trust.The quality of your marriage is undermined by living with resentments.There are disagreements within a marriage.Two people within a marriage can agree to disagree without compromising trust by adjusting their expectations.Deep satisfaction and trust are not dependent on a disagreement.
Step 8: Do not focus on changing yourself.
Dissatisfaction with one's own life is one of the reasons for a marriage to fall apart.Rather than looking to your spouse to provide for you, try making some of your own.If you stop doing certain activities because your spouse doesn't care for them, try doing them again.You don't have to do everything at the same time.Join a hiking group if you enjoy hiking.Honesty will help you rebuild your marriage.Whether these are large or small, look for areas where you can improve.Learning to identify your challenges will help you forgive your spouse as well.
Step 9: If you want to set an ultimatum, consider it.
The only way to rebuild a relationship is to say what needs to change.An alcoholic may need to stop drinking in order to rebuild their relationship.If you are married to a person who is addicted, it is okay to say that the person needs treatment before the marriage can be rebuilt.A 12-step group, such as Al-Anon, can be helpful in learning more about practicing healthy boundaries.Follow through if you have an ultimatum.Setting not really ultimatums lets the behavior continue.Some ultimatums are not about drug addiction.It can be about something that is putting your marriage in danger.affairs, excessive hours at work, getting control of spending are some of the things that could be included.
Step 10: Let them go.
You may have trouble addressing real issues in the present if you keep bringing up issues from the past.It's a good idea to take a break from discussing betrayals.Focus on the marriage as it is right now.Your marriage is yours today, no matter what your parents did or didn't do.Don't blame your spouse or use the past to justify your behavior."You always" and "you never" should be removed from your vocabulary.This kind of thinking prevents you from moving forward in the rebuilding process because it sees current behaviors through the lens of the past.It's normal to feel resentments about things that happened in the past.Don't relive the events of the past if you want to attend to your feelings.You should remind yourself that it's in the past.
Step 11: Don't let your feelings get in the way of each other.
Many people are taught not to talk about their feelings.An essential part of rebuilding a marriage is this.bravery is required in an intimate relationship.Taking responsibility for your feelings means not blaming the other person.Continue to deepen your relationship with one another as you move past the initial rebuilding stage.Developing trust and vulnerability is the best way to do this.You can find ways to practice talking about feelings.Setting a "date night" where honest communication can happen helps some marriages.Writing can make communicating difficult feelings easier.
Step 12: It's a good idea to avoid blame.
Each partner takes responsibility for her own thoughts, feelings, and words in a healthy marriage.You can respond to each other in different ways.When talking about sensitive subjects with your spouse, use "I" statements.Try not to say "You did..." or " You felt...".This simple technique will open the conversation to a deeper level of honesty.Don't be defensive if your partner blames you.This escalates the situation.Speak honestly about your feelings.Your emotions and reactions are yours.They are not your spouse's responsibility.
Step 13: After an argument, you should learn to repair.
Even in the healthiest marriage there can be disagreements.The damage they do can be minimized by leaving the argument on a better feeling.Using humor, finding ways to agree with one another, and showing sincere appreciation for the other person's perspective are some of the ways that couples can repair their relationship after an argument.Keeping your commitment to each other is important."How important is it?" is an adage.Neither of you will remember this argument in 20 years.Being right in this disagreement is more important than your relationship.Even during an argument, you can focus on the positives in each other.It is an excellent practice to do this.
Step 14: The right kind of help is available.
Understanding the patterns that developed in your marriage can be helped by a therapist, professional or religious counselor.Discuss what resources you need to rebuild your marriage.The person who helps you rebuild as a couple must work for both of you.If you are a deeply religious person but your spouse is not, a religious counselor might not be the best choice for your marriage helpers.If you want to use a therapist or professional marriage counselor, consider it.A couple that knows more about how their problems develop may be able to better resolve them.While you rebuild your marriage, a counselor can help you learn to be patient.
Step 15: Practice patience and be patient.
It will take time to rebuild a marriage.It will take time to change long-established patterns of communication.Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she's acting sincerely.Don't rush the process.Each person has their own issues with forgiveness and trust.Allow your spouse the time he needs to develop these qualities for himself, and allow yourself the same thing.If these do not develop immediately, don't worry.Take some time apart from one another to calm down if you are angry or frustrated.