Autistic adults as parents, Verywell Health, and Parenthood:Autism Community are all part of the same community.

Steven Gans is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.

Is it possible for an adult with autism to be a successful parent?Under the right circumstances, the answer is yes.Many people with high-functioning autism are able to take on the challenges of raising kids because they have the skills to do so.

Many aspects of parenting can be difficult for parents on the spectrum.There are some ways in which parenting can be easier if your children are on the spectrum.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders was updated in 1994.It included people who would never have been considered normal.The addition of Asperger's syndrome to the DSM-IV changed the way people thought about it.

People with this high-functioning form of autism were known to be smart and successful.They were able to mask, overcome, or avoid the challenges they had with sensory issues and social communication.

Only a few people who grew up with symptoms of Asperger's syndrome before 1994 received a formal diagnosis, at least until they had children of their own.

Parents discovered that they were on the high-functioning end of the spectrum when they sought a diagnosis for their children.

The fifth edition of the DSM removed Asperger's syndrome as a diagnosis.There are three levels ofASD, with Level 1 defining those who would have been considered moderate or severe.

There are a lot of myths surrounding it.It's hard to understand how a person with an intellectual disability could be a good parent.There are a few misunderstandings about the condition.

The mother of five children is Jessica Benz.She got her diagnosis because she sought answers to her kids' challenges.As an adult on the spectrum, she has reflections and tips on parenting.

What made you discover your own diagnosis?If you think you might be diagnosable, should you seek a diagnosis?

My own diagnosis came about as an adult after two of my children had been diagnosed and we began to discuss family history with one of the psychologists we worked with.A light bulb went off when I mentioned some experiences as a child that I saw in my own children.

I pursued further screening and assessment to better understand myself as a person and a parent.I think it's always better to have more information about ourselves.If someone feels like they are part of the tapestry of their own lives, it is worth asking for an assessment.

As we check laundry labels for care instructions, it is important that we understand what makes up our own lives and selves, so we can ensure we are using the right settings in terms of self-care and interaction with other people.

Did your decision to have more children be affected by learning that you are on the spectrum?How did you make the decision?

By the time I was diagnosed, we had three children.It didn't make us afraid of having more children, it just meant that we had a great understanding of the children we do have.

I was able to create positive change within my life because I had a better understanding of how I felt at times, and felt like I just wasn't doing it all well enough.

I felt guilty when my oldest was young because I wanted to go to bed.Since she'd woken up in the morning, I felt like it was the first time I could really breathe.

I didn't like parenting.I loved spending time with her and exploring the world.I was confused by the guilt I felt because I really wanted to go to bed and not have to be on.

I realized through my own diagnosis that those couple hours a day are a necessary period of self-care for me and my family.

I realized that there were other things I needed to have in place to thrive as a parent.I have always been a laid back person.When I needed to get things done on a timetable, or when there was an unexpected demand, that laid back approach to life led to a lot of stress.

It turns out that parenting is full of demands that are not yours.Things got easier when I applied the things I used to support my children to my own life.

A routine was put in place to manage the house and the day.I make sure to write up a daily schedule so we can all see what is happening and know how to plan in advance.

I felt like I was both meeting my own needs and showing my children that they are capable of doing the same as adults and managing their own lives when I realized that I deserved the support I give myself.Many people hear the word "autism" and think of someone needing other people to support them.

It is important for my children to see that they can direct their own lives and advocate for themselves.They are able to normalize what they hear of as "special needs" by modeling that themselves.

Even people who are not normal have specific needs.We have an obligation to help our children with their needs.

We have five children.They are loud, chaotic, argue, wind each other up, and someone is always bothering someone else.

They understand each other very well, and they support one another completely.These children are well-equipped to engage with other children because they are immersed in learning to compromise and work together.

Even if they don't agree, they will always have a family support network who understands them.That is important to us.

Is it possible that learning that you are on the spectrum changed the way you parent?Did you change the way you respond to bad behaviors or did you ask for more help?

It has made me more aware.It has given me time to accept that I have an obligation to meet my own needs in order to be able to parent my kids.When I am overwhelmed, I have learned to take some time to recuperate.

I think about how terrible I felt when I couldn't stop crying over something that should have been a minor issue, or whenI simply came home from school and was in a rage for no reason.

I want to make sure my kids don't feel the shame I felt as a child about those things.I was lucky to have parents who understood me very well.

I was always loved and never punished, though I didn't know what a meltdown was.I still feel the shame of being unable to control my feelings, even though everyone else seemed to be able to.

I was a model student, always at the top of my class, and I lived in fear of someone finding out that I cried because I had to say hello to a friend in a grocery store.

I want my kids to understand themselves.I don't blame them or feel like they should be able to cope better because I understand why something unexpected can throw off the whole day.

I think I could have been nicer to myself if I had known that my brain wasn't the same as everyone else's.I want my children to be kind to themselves.

Let's start with dates.These are misery for me.First, I have a lot of people in my environment.I have to take my kids somewhere else.Other people may have childproofed, but no one else than other parents raising kids with the condition really does.

I am being hypervigilant to ensure that nothing is broken while trying to strike up small talk and never knowing when to stop talking.All playdates require an entire afternoon of downtime and a frozen pizza at night to recuperate.

Let's look at sensory challenges.My dream job was manning a fire tower.No noise, no intrusion, just silence and open space.Wouldn't you be bored?People asked.I don't understand the question.

Life in a house with five kids looks different.We have a lot of headphones in our house.I stopped yelling at everyone to "turn that down" a few years ago.I got everyone their own headphones so I am able to keep the noise down.

Quiet time is not negotiable.Most of the kids have stopped napping, but they are still asked to spend some time in their room each day reading and playing on their tablets.Without bouncing off the couches and walls, and simply existing.

This only applies to younger kids when they are in school, but on weekends and throughout the summer this is applicable to everyone.It's important for them to learn to relax.

It's how I get from one end of the day to the other without being a very cranky parent.45 minutes gives me time to have a cup of coffee, remember to breathe, and head back in to an afternoon of chaos and fun.

It's easy to say all the right things, but we know they can't control a meltdown.It's impossible to explain to people who haven't experienced it what it is to feel like your mind is running away and taking your emotions and body along for the ride.

It gives me a glimpse into the moment they are living.I can meet them where they are, instead of asking them to meet me halfway.I can be an advocate for them.I can tell them that even Mom feels that way sometimes.

What are some of the strategies that you would like to pass on?

Accept your comfort zone.It's there because it works.If you can get from one end of the day to the other with everyone being loved and respected, you've done your job.

You don't win a prize for being the Pinterest Mom.If your child shows up at school with their shirt on inside out because the right way around was going to be a fight, hearing that was the best option you had.

Even if it was picture day, and you got there just as the bell rang, you are still wearing pajama pants.It seems to set the right tone for the meetings.

It isn't a big reveal because it has been ongoing in our house.People with different brains are an important part of the world.

I encourage the kids to do the same as I do.It's easier for them to tell me when they need a break when I say I'm going to take a bath for half an hour.

Do you think that your condition makes it harder to manage expectations for your children?

If I reveal my own diagnosis, it can be.A person working with my 5-year-old was using terrible and abusive practices.When I voiced my concerns and revealed my own diagnosis to him, he suddenly shifted and said, "Do you understand?"I was not competent and capable.

I find myself being outspoken at times.Most of the people I work with are kind and respectful.

I wonder if my strong opinions and fierce advocacy are seen as being a difficult parent without that to back up my statements, because I have the education and experience to draw on that many other people do not.

When it's time to stop talking, stop teaching, and stop explaining, I don't process well and I press on until the discussion goes my way.I don't think that works out well.

I'm not sure if I would be as outspoken an advocate if it weren't for my own experiences.If I hadn't lived through those moments and experiences, I might not have had so many contentious meetings with my kids.

I have never found a therapy that worked for everyone.There is no therapy that will have the same impact for everyone.

Occupational therapy techniques have been used to make our family run more smoothly.At basic life skills, we use visual schedules, routines and a lot of practice.Speech therapy and PECS are used to facilitate communication.

We do yoga poses to help with some mind/body work, and personally, the best thing I have found is the work done with a therapist using cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to let go of my own expectation of a "normal" that doesn't exist for anyone, anywhere.

Sometimes it's necessary to change the journey to meet the needs of everyone.No one feels like they are missing out if you figure out how to do it in such a way.

Christopher Scott Wyatt is an adult with a PhD who writes about his experiences on a website called http://www.tameri.com/csw/autism/.He and his wife are foster parents of children with special needs.

If anything they limited options early in my education, since the labels kept changing.We are not sure about the diagnoses of our children.It can help and hurt.

Did it affect your decision to have children?How did you make the decision?

Not really.We waited until we owned a house, which is more about our personality in general.We wanted to offer a stable home for any children, whether natural or foster-adopt.

If we are aware of how I experienced education and supports, I might be more patient.I am patient with the needs of the children for quiet, order, and a sense of control.I want things to be predictable.If we're able to adopt, they will need that.

We don't have a local support network.The supports provided in the schools allow us to have ourselves and the children.We are different from other parents because we don't have the same social interactions.The other children are older than us.

Quiet places for us and the children.They use bean bags with books.Stress balls are one of the sensory items we have for them to play with.

Do you think that your condition makes it harder to manage expectations for your child?

I am not happy with the schools, social workers, and courts.The needs of the children are not a higher priority.After dealing with the system that doesn't work for the children, my wife reminds me to take a walk.

I don't like behavioral therapies that are based on negative experiences.I use art, drawing, painting, writing, and photography.coloring and drawing help the girls as well.Music works when the girls need to slow down.

Our goal is to remind the girls that they are not defined by labels and should not be.

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