Comments from Flatmates should be handled with care.
Roommates made you feel like you're not in your own home.You can respond assertively to their comments.
Step 1: The rude comments may be intentional or not.
Are the people you living with trying to be rude?Are they the kind of people who would be mean?Do they realize how hurt you are by their comments?
Step 2: Get a neutral opinion if you're unsure.
Next time it happens, make a mental note of the situation and say something.Tell this story to a friend who isn't familiar with your roommate.If they thought the comment was done on purpose, would they consider it rude?This changes the way you should handle the situation.
Step 3: If the housemate doesn't know that they are being perceived as rude, you need to find the root of the problem and work it out together.
Step 4: They could be driving their harsh words with something else.
It might not have anything to do with you.Did they have a rough time that day or the month?Maybe they are shy and not able to express themselves as they would like.
Step 5: Take some time to understand.
It's easier for the other person to feel comfortable apologizing if you show them that you see their good intentions.If you are willing to be patient and forgive, they will feel more freedom to experiment with changing their behavior.People with disabilities may have trouble with manners.
Step 6: Maybe they had an issue with something, and came off as passive- aggressive.
It needs to be aired out so that it can be resolved.You two may have different expectations for what your flatmates should do.
Step 7: You could have upset your roommate as well.
It could be an ongoing habit of yours, a little thing like not replacing their favorite mug in the place they keep it, or a one-time incidence in which you said something that rubbed them the wrong way.Maybe something went missing and they assumed your dog ate it when in fact it was stolen.Who knows?There are many possible reasons as to why they have beef with you.If you need to reach a compromise between your needs, you can air those out.Try to understand what's true about the criticism.Look at the situation from your roommate's point of view and ask yourself why they bothered you so much.Is there a way for you to learn from these comments?
Step 8: "I" language can be used.
This makes it easier to say things in a non-accusatory way.Conflicts and misunderstandings can be fixed with the use of "I" language.The template is "When you feel _____."I felt embarrassed and hurt when you commented on my wardrobe.You could reply in a positive way.Say something like, "I really hear what you're saying, and I've spent a long look at myself."I don't think it's right for you to say something like that, and I hope you'll stop and check yourself.No one can argue with how you feel.If your flatmate tries to make excuses or ignore your feelings, it's probably intentional.
Step 9: If your housemate says something that rubs you the wrong way, be on the lookout for it.
Catching them in the moment is the first thing to do.Don't speak in an accusatory manner or assume that they meant to be rude; instead, gently and inquisitively say something like, "Wait, what you just said - when you said (insert comment here), I felt (judged, blamed, alienated, whatever you feltI'm not sure what you meant.What did you mean?This format helps resolve conflicts.Find out what they meant.It is possible to find out what the underlying problem is in their own life, a psychological issue of theirs, or an action of yours that they misinterpreted.You can see how to practice nonviolent communication.
Step 10: If you can set aside some time in the next few days to talk, ask the person you're having the conflict with.
Let them know that there are some things that could be done better in your house or apartment, and that you would like to talk about it and reach a consensus that works for all of you.
Step 11: When it's time for the conversation, be willing to listen as much as you want to be heard.
Set boundaries and be clear that you are not a doormat and will not tolerate being treated rudely in your own home.Feelings of peace, comfort, trust, openness, respect and other things are what you want in your home.Tell them about the ways in which you have been trying to be friendly and how they don't reflect back at you.You would like to receive the same respect if you told them that these things are meaningful to you.
Step 12: You can find out what they want in their house.
Peace, joy, comfort, security, fun, luxury, love?What are their main desires at home?How would they like to be treated?If you are not so different, you can use this as a way of empathizing with each other.I also want peace.How can we have that?Maybe your needs are different.If that is the case, you need to find out if a compromise can be reached.
Step 13: If they admit that something you have done has made them act in this way, you can get to the root of it.
Was your action misinterpreted?Explain your side in a non-defensive way.Is it true that you did something malicious or inconsiderate?If necessary, be willing to apologize.
Step 14: Ask why they don't want to have a talk.
Tell them how their most recent comment affected you if they insist on dealing with things in the moment.Tell them that they've made you feel uncomfortable at home.You want to be at peace in your home and need to clear this up.They should be willing to talk to you.The situation is not feasible if they refuse to communicate.You need to find something better.One of you should move away.For more on that, see the information above.
Step 15: With an unwilling flatmate, set boundaries clearly.
It is not okay to mess with the things in my bedroom, and I expect you to treat me with respect.Be assertive, non-judgmental, and to the point.If they are trying to hurt your feelings, talking about them won't help.Communication and "I" language are not effective for this type of problem.
Step 16: What happens.
If your flatmate is being mean to you on a regular basis, this is harassment.If you have to explain why you need to move rooms, keeping a clear written record can be useful.Keep the record away from your roommate.They may destroy the record if they find it.Keep your log entries factual, such as "Larissa said my painting looked garish and childish, and that I was an awful painter who would never keep my scholarship."I grabbed it because she acted like she would rip it.I went to my room and cried.Opinion statements such as "Larissa is awful and I hate her" should be left for a diary or trusted friend.
Step 17: Move out.
If they are not willing to meet your needs of peace and safety at home, or treat you with basic respect, then the two of you should not live together.It depends on who has been established in the house or apartment the longest and basic common sense.If anyone was planning to move out soon, there is no point in the other person moving out.