At some point, most people have lied about something.Sometimes you can tell a bigger lie that has serious consequences if you tell it small.It can be difficult to extricate yourself from a lie if it has spun out of control or if you told a whopper.Coming clean and trying to be a more honest person is a good idea, but be prepared for a rocky road to self-improvement.
Step 1: Do you know why you lied?
Take some time to question your motives.It isn't that you're trying to find an excuse for your behavior, but you want to understand what happened and why.It is possible to avoid similar behavior in the future and help the person you confess to understand.Talk to a friend who has been with you for a long time.They may be able to help you figure it out.If you see a therapist frequently, you can ask for help plumbing the issue.Write about your lie in a journal or self-reflection exercise and see if it gives you any insight.
Step 2: Whom should listen to your confession?
You should tell anyone you hurt in the course of your lie, as well as anyone who you lied to.Sometimes this is easy.If you lied on the job application, you need to tell the recruiting officer.There might be people who were not directly lied to, but who could be affected by the deception.If you cheated on an exam, you should tell both your teacher and your parents.If there are multiple people you want to tell your lie to, do it on a one-on-one basis.It will make it easier for you to be open and direct, and it will also show those you care about that you can dedicate one-on-one time to them.
Step 3: You can set a time and date for your talk.
An impromptu chat can be productive, but it is usually best to give a special time for your talk.This will ensure that you can focus on your work and not be distracted by other people's conversations or work obligations.When you and the other person can think clearly, pick a time.If you want to avoid lunch break or the morning hours, you should.
Step 4: Pick a neutral location.
Sitting in someone's living room can make it feel like one person has an advantage over the other, so think about the location of your meeting before assigning someone.Public places like coffee shops or park benches can be a good idea, but make sure it's not so busy that you get distracted or feel uncomfortable talking about personal things in the proximity of strangers.
Step 5: Eye contact is maintained.
You can make a big impact on how your confession is received by looking someone in the eye.It is a noble act to admit your wrongdoing, even if you were wrong to lie.Allow yourself to be proud of your decision.
Step 6: Do you know your lie.
You should outline the lie you told.Provide a reason or context for the lie, but make sure it doesn't sound like you're trying to rationalize or excuse your wrongdoingWhen talking about a lie, use "I statements"This will make sure that you don't fall into any blame-dodging patterns.It is important to lead with a total acknowledgement of responsibility.
Step 7: Let the whole truth be known.
The positive effect of the confession on both the confessor and the one who admits has been shown by studies.It may make the conversation uncomfortable initially, but try not to make it uncomfortable in other ways.If you don't think it's necessary to include certain information, let the other party decide.This will help rebuild their trust in you.
Step 8: Apologize.
Wrap up your confession with a sincere expression of regret once you have explained your lie.Show that you understand the seriousness of the transgression and have thought about how it has affected others around you.It is important to show your displeasure even though you can't be sure that you will be forgiven.It can help to assure your friend that you don't expect them to accept your apology.This lets them know that you are apologizing for the right reasons and not for wrong, self-serving reasons, such as feeling relieved or forgiven by another.There are phrases that qualify and undermine your apology.Weak expressions of pity or compassion like "I'm sorry if you were upset by what I did" are not real apologies.You need to say that you are sorry for what you have done.
Step 9: Stay calm, stay calm.
Although the subject might be emotional for both of you, try to keep the tone of the conversation low-key.For the sake of your message, try to keep calm and carry on.Bring a cheat sheet with you if you are worried about getting flustered or emotional.This is a card or leaf of paper where you have outlined the points you want to cover.It's a good idea to avoid drinking alcohol or coffee before or during confession.If you want to have a natural placating side-effect, drink green or chamomile tea.
Step 10: Listen to what is being said.
They should tell you how they feel about your admission and how you should proceed with your relationship.They should say as little or as much as they want after you said your piece.Let the person know that they can take time to think about everything, and that the two of you can talk about it later.Before it's all said and done, there may need to be a few conversations about this lie.You don't have to tolerate abuse or violent reactions.You don't deserve to be subjected to excessive measures just because you have admitted to something.If the person reacts poorly, apologize again for your lie and withdraw from the situation as soon as possible.
Step 11: You should reflect on why you lied.
If you keep a journal, write about the lie in an entry that questions your motives and what impact it has had on you.Writing as a means of personal reflection has been shown to have multiple mental and emotional benefits, and it can be one of the best ways to understand yourself better and organize your thoughts.No journal?No problem!If you don't have a Word doc on your computer, you can use an old school notebook to write something down.Writing about a lie in a personal blog is a good way to expose it.If you see a therapist frequently, you can ask them to think about the problem.
Step 12: Decide if you want to send a letter or email.
Think about what's best for you and the person you're talking to.It used to be thought that email was not appropriate for conveying serious emotions or problems, but it is now considered a suitable medium for both casual communications and serious discussions.Mailing a real letter can be a special gesture as it shows effort and respect.If you don't have the person's email or postal address, you can check with your friends.If you have messy handwriting, don't write a letter by hand.You want someone to read your confession and apology, but you don't want them to puzzle over your handwriting.
Step 13: An outline should be made.
Think about what you want to say in your letter after you have thought about your actions.Put these thoughts into a structured outline so that you won't get67531 in the course of writing your letter.The outline should be no more than one page.If you want to fill in the surrounding text, write just one bullet or topic sentence for each paragraph.
Step 14: A first draft is what you need to write.
If you want to have at least three full paragraphs, you need to flesh out the points on your outline.What you lied about should be explained in the first paragraph.The second should apologize for your actions.The third should let you know that you don't expect to be forgiven and that they hope your apology helps in some way.You can.Don't stray too far from the simple formula of disclosure, apology, and conclusion if you include more specific and personal details in your letter.
Step 15: Don't be too long.
Your letter can be written well, but it should not be too long.Too many words will diminish the impact of an apology.
Step 16: Take a break and relax.
Most of the time it doesn't end well when we impulsively fire off an email or text.More often than not, we find ourselves regretting the rash missive because, even if you stand by its intent, you ultimately deem its timing or language less than optimal.Set your letter or email aside for a night and take a lesson from your past.If you are writing an email, save it as a draft, but do not enter the addressee.This will make sure that you don't send the email before it's ready.You won't be able to apply the necessary postage if you wait until the next day to buy the stamps.
Step 17: Re-read the letter.
The next morning or afternoon is when you should review your letter.Your fresh perspective will allow you to amend bigger problems like rationalizing language or sentimental, mealy-mouthed platitudes, and you will be able to fix any overlooked typos or awkward phrases.If you have a trusted friend who knows the situation, you should ask for their feedback on your letter.
Step 18: You can send a final copy.
It can be tempting to change something in order to delay the important step of sending your email or letter.At some point, you need to accept your final draft and send it on its way.You can begin to move on if you do so sooner.
Step 19: If you want the services of a mediator, you should consider it.
If you want to confess your lie and apologize in a face-to-face conversation, but you're worried that you don't have the emotional control or wherewithal to facilitate the discussion, you can hire a trained professional.Conflict mediation and relationship counseling can be provided for free by your school or college.If you want to find out more about this possibility, look over your school's website or talk to an official.
Step 20: There is a choice of a mediator.
You can base your decision on a variety of factors, including cost, personal compatibility, and convenience, if you choose to take advantage of a free service offered by your university.Before you make a decision, be sure to consult with a few different mediators.Before you commit to mediation, you should get a written quote from a therapist.Make sure the party you choose is trained in conflict resolution.Even if your parent or relative thinks they can be objective, they are only a good option if they have completed some kind of conflict resolution training.If you like the look of a counselor, it is a good idea to review their client feedback on websites like Better Business Bureau.Because some states don't require professional mediators or conflict resolution counselors to have a special license or affiliation in order to practice, you'll need to do your own research to find a good one.
Step 21: You can explain your goals to the mediator.
In order to understand your situation, needs, and objectives for the mediation session, you need to sit down with the mediator.The mediator can give you some helpful tips about the procedure.It is possible to refer you to a long-term psychological professional if you are interested.It is possible to work on living more honestly and avoiding similar mistakes if you see someone regularly.
Step 22: The mediation needs to be set up.
A time that works for both of you can be found by extending an invitation to the person you want to talk to.If you work or study full-time, you should make an appointment for after work rather than during lunch.It will help avoid stress.
Step 23: Stay calm and be on time.
The success of your mediation depends on arriving on time and having the right mental approach.Coffee and alcohol can make you jumpy or emotional, so don't drink before your meeting.
Step 24: Bring a positive mindset to the meeting.
Make sure you keep your emotions in check by gathering your thoughts before the session.Try meditating, drinking green tea, or doing relaxing exercises like yoga.A centered mindset will allow you to be more involved in the mediation.Make sure you approach the meeting with an open mind and try to visualize it going well to calm your nerves.
Step 25: Allow the discussion to be guided by your mediator.
If you want to have a discussion, have your mediation set some ground rules.Accurately admit your lie when it is your turn.I-statements can be used to avoid accusatory or blame-shifting.Listen carefully when your friend is about to speak.If you haven't considered their side as much as you could, listening to your friend will give you valuable insight.Listen active as well.Provide indicators that you are paying attention to and repeat what you hear in your own words.
Step 26: Walk away from the conversation.
Changing your ways and being more honest in the future will show that your confession and apology were sincere.You can improve your integrity and character regardless of whether you'll be forgiven or not.