As more parents live longer lives and more adult children seem to relocate for work or other reasons, the number of long-distance caregivers continues to grow.Seven million Americans are in the same boat as you if you are caring for a parent from a distance.Long-distance caregivers can help coordinate care, address medical and financial issues, and assess living conditions, among other jobs.Don't feel guilty or helpless because you're not close by, find ways to help and be active in the life of your parent.
Step 1: A care notebook is what you should create.
The need is the same regardless of whether you store a file in the cloud or a folder on your nightstand.You should create a place where you can easily find information about your parent's care.By establishing a one-stop repository for important information and resources, you will make it easier to find what you need but also to share it with siblings, family members, or other caregivers.Provide updates when you distribute copies.
Step 2: Pick out local contacts.
You can't respond to emergency or time-sensitive situations in person when you live far away.By maintaining a list of local contacts who can provide assistance, you can help to ensure an immediate helping presence for your parent when needed.Get names, numbers, emails, etc., for trusted neighbors, physicians, pharmacists, local caregivers, social workers, and so on, as well as detailed contact info for your parent(s) and other close family members.They should be kept in the care notebook.
Step 3: Help with paperwork.
Picking up groceries, tidying up the house, and so on can be difficult when you live far away from a parent.You can provide a wide range of important administrative roles, like organizing and dealing with medical, legal, and financial papers and information.Thanks to the internet, you can pay bills for your parent, keep tabs on healthcare issues, and provide help in a range of other important areas that can sometimes overwhelm older adults.Take over without having a substantive discussion first.Privacy and independence should be respected.You can make important decisions for your parent if you get adurable power of attorney.If you want to discuss healthcare matters with doctors, insurers, or both, you need to be designated as a healthcare proxy.
Step 4: Local assistance needs to be coordinated.
When your parent needs daily assistance, often the time will come when you can't help from afar.It could mean hiring a geriatric care manager or calling the local agency on aging to arrange for meal deliveries or home health aide visits.A geriatric care manager has experience in assessing the needs of and coordinating resources for seniors.Ask prospective candidates about their licensing, experience, pay rate, etc.To find out more about local resources and the availability of financial assistance, contact the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services in the U.S. or the comparable entity in other nations.USPS mail carriers can provide checks on seniors through the Carrier Alert Program.
Step 5: Ask a lot of questions.
It can be difficult to tell how a parent is doing over the phone, as you are likely to get a lot of "I'm fine" and "We're doing OK" responses.You don't want to turn your calls into interrogations, but do try to add in some basic detective work by way of questions that may draw out more detailed answers.Instead of asking, "Have you been eating?", try "What's on the lunch menu for today?" or "Bring up the weather and see if you can lead your parent to talk about the last time he or she left the house."When you are in person, come up with some questions that require more than a yes-or-no response about health, caring for the house, paying bills, etc.
Step 6: Living conditions should be assessed and addressed.
Usually, when you live far away, you only get to visit occasionally and with advance notice.It's easier for your parent to hide problems at home.You should prepare a list of potential concerns before each visit.Plan ahead so you can make the most of your visit.If you can align your visit with existing appointments, you will be able to go along.Take some time to fix the leaking faucet or deal with the pile of bills.Make sure you leave enough time to make the visit enjoyable for everyone.
Step 7: You can go to your parent's appointments.
If you have planned ahead with your visits, you should be able to attend important appointments.Be clear that you are there to be supportive and helpful, not to take over, and discuss the matter prior to the event so you aren't springing the idea on your parent at the last minute.You need legal authorization to discuss a parent's personal matters with a doctor, attorney, or financial advisor.Help your parent with questions he or she may have if you prepare a list of questions for yourself.During your visits, you can accomplish more if you are already involved in the organization and management of important matters.
Step 8: Discuss end-of-life preferences.
Whether or not you are the recognized healthcare proxy for a parent, you should engage in a thorough discussion regarding preferences for when a serious illness or the end of life arrives.It is preferable to wait too long and not have the chance to clearly identify your parents' wishes when they are healthy.If you have siblings or other family members, you should try to hold a group meeting to discuss these important matters.Doing so before a serious situation arises can help keep everyone calm and focused.If conditions allow it, make sure your parents are involved as much as possible.They should be in charge of the decisions.
Step 9: The load should be shared with other family members.
The child who lives closest to an aging parent is often left to shoulder most of the care responsibilities.If you live far away and have siblings, try to coordinate care so that everyone contributes in a fair and sensible manner.One who lives far away might pay bills online, while the closest sibling is likely to be the one running the store.A famously disorganized brother may not be the best choice for handling all the important paperwork, for example, if you consider your relative strengths and available time.
Step 10: Consider moving options.
If you don't have other family members sharing the burden, you may want to consider decreasing the distance component of your long-distance care.You might have to move your parent into your home or away from you.It is a good idea for your parent to move from home to a retirement community or assisted living facility regardless of the distance.It is a significant decision to make, so take time to consider the pros and cons of moving.It is a major upheaval for all parties involved if you move your parent into your home.You need to consider the preferences of your parent.Will this be a good opportunity for bonding, or will the loss of independence cause problems?Moving far away means finding new doctors, caregivers, helpers, and friends.Sometimes it is necessary to change if your parent is not well cared for at home, but it shouldn't be taken lightly.
Step 11: Take care of yourself too.
Being a long-distance care giver is physically and emotionally taxing, even if you aren't providing direct care on a daily basis.It is more difficult to see the difference you are making.You need to take care of yourself in order to care for your parent.Even though most long-distance caregivers spend the equivalent of one day per week providing care, they tend to feel less.There are seven million other people in the US who provide long-distance care.You are not alone as a long-distance care giver.Talking to others going through the same challenges can provide significant emotional and physical benefits.