There is a chance that you will one day meet a friend, family member, or partner who has trouble controlling their anger.You can help them by reeling in your own emotions, as if you become upset yourself will likely make the problem worse.Encourage them to get help for their anger after responding appropriately and de-escalating it.If you have a loved one with a fiery temper, be sure to look after yourself as well.
Step 1: During tense situations, stay calm.
If your loved one gets angry, the only way to calm them down is to get angry with them.Losing your temper will only make things worse.Allow yourself to be breathe in and out.Go splash water on your face if you want to clear your head.
Step 2: Speak in a moderate voice.
If you want your voice to be just above a whisper, lower it.It helps you maintain calm without shouting, but it also reinforces appropriate communication.Your loved one is likely to follow suit.
Step 3: When listening, give yourself full attention.
Many angry people feel like no one is listening to them.Give your loved one 100% of your attention.Don't interrupt and turn to face them.Being a good listener can help diffuse the situation.It is important to pay attention to the underlying issue.
Step 4: Show kindness to the other person.
Your loved one may act angry because they don't believe they are being heard.Inform them that you are taking them seriously and respect their opinions, and be sure to verify their experience.Use reflection techniques to demonstrate your understanding.I think I understand the problem if I can see why you feel angry about the teller.You feel overlooked.
Step 5: Take care of your boundaries.
You should insist that your angry loved one treat you with respect.In a calm and cool manner, say something like, "I will leave if you don't stop shouting, or I will not talk to you anymore." Once a boundary has been communicated, be firm and follow through if the person crosses the line.
Step 6: The problem can be discussed with the use of "I" statements.
Use "I" statements that convey your needs without placing blame, because you want to steer clear of criticism or blame.These statements don't attack the other person, but they allow you to communicate how you feel about the issue.Say "I feel anxious when you shout" instead of "You are always shouting at me!"Can we use voices indoors?
Step 7: It's a good idea to resist the urge to give advice.
Don't try to fix the problem because angry people view advice as criticism.Just listen.After they've finished talking, ask your loved one if they want to vent or need a solution.Before you offer advice, you might ask, "Do you want help with the problem or did you just want to get everything off your chest?"You could say, "I understand your anger."Save your solutions for another time if your loved one views you as critical.
Step 8: If you need one, take a break.
If you feel overwhelmed by an angry person, ask for a timeout.If we're shouting at each other, I don't think we can reach an agreement.If you want to get your own emotions under control, go someplace where you feel safe.Listen to soft music, watch a silly video, or call someone who calms you down.
Step 9: The person should not be focused on the issue.
Let your loved one know how angry behavior affects you without making it seem like they're the problem.This shows that you are concerned and increases the chances of them cooperating with you.You're angry a lot lately.It makes it hard for us to connect like we used to.It would make me feel better if you talked to someone about it.Patterns of what angers the person can be used to determine underlying issues.If they get upset when people gossip about them, the underlying issue may be that they value privacy.You can help the person deal with the underlying issue by developing strategies or creating boundaries.If the person values privacy, you could tell them not to share personal information with their co-workers if it leads to gossip.
Step 10: Understand the anger scale.
It's not usually anger that starts out as anger.It may begin as annoyance and get worse.You can help de-escalate the situation by learning to identify signs of annoyance in your loved one.If your loved one seems to jump straight to anger or rage, skipping the earlier stages, it would be beneficial for them to receive professional help to identify their triggers and learn intervention strategies to diffuse their anger.
Step 11: When seeing a professional, offer to accompany them.
Don't just tell your loved one that they need help.If you can help them find a therapist or anger management class, please let them know.If they would like, offer to drive them to the sessions and then sit in the waiting room.
Step 12: Pick your battles.
If you keep nagging your loved one about their anger problem, you won't make any headway.Not every issue requires a disagreement.When addressing issues, try to be careful.If you feel like your boundaries have been violated, pick your battles.You can choose your battles based on timing.When your loved one is calm, sober, and in a relatively positive mood, it's a good time to talk about difficult issues.
Step 13: Your loved one should be encouraged to reduce their stress levels.
People who are stressed are more likely to get angry.It will take more time for your loved one to reach the anger stage if they have a lower stress baseline.You have more time to recognize the early signs of anger and take steps to calm them down.If your loved one is stressed out, they could try meditation, yoga, exercising, breathing exercises, or other strategies.
Step 14: Be patient.
You will take nearly as many steps backward as you do forward when working with a loved one with anger issues.As they acknowledge they have a problem with anger, be patient with them.
Step 15: Take a trusted friend with you.
It can feel draining to offer support to someone with anger issues.It's important to get support from close friends and family.When you don't want to discuss the issue, ask them to hear you out and distract you.Gossiping about the angry person is not advisable.Don't worry about what you need to do to de-stress.
Step 16: Spend time with people who are happy.
You may become angry if everyone in your circle is angry.People mimic the behavior of those around them.Make sure you have a circle of people who are happy and optimistic as well.
Step 17: Practice self-care.
An angry environment can make you feel stressed.Fight stress by getting a massage, listening to soothing music, soaking in a warm bath, or practicing yoga.If you want to support your loved one, try to carve out a few days a week for yourself to do something that will fill you up.
Step 18: There is an anger management support group.
Seeking out others who understand what you are going through is another way to get support.You can find anger management support groups in your area.You might be relieved to hear that other people have the same experiences.They might have useful advice to help you cope.
Step 19: If anger becomes violent, get help.
All bets are off if your loved one becomes abusive.It's not okay to hurt someone else out of anger.You have to keep yourself safe at that point.If possible, leave the environment.Call a friend, family member, or speak to someone on the phone.Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline if your spouse becomes violent.The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline can be reached if you are afraid of an adult with violent tendencies.