It can be difficult to break up with your partner when you have children.Making the separation or divorce easier for your children is something you may be worried about.It is possible to make the break up less painful by telling your children about it in a gentle way and by being there for them.Even if you are on your own, you should still support your children after the break up so you can still be a good parent.
Step 1: Make a plan for a break up.
You should have a plan in place with your partner before you talk to your children.When the official divorce process will begin, and who will be responsible for certain daily needs and activities for the children, should be discussed with each other.You can show a united front by being clear about these details.If your partner moves out and lives in an apartment nearby or another home, you may come to an agreement.You can allow your partner to visit the children at the family home or have them over to their apartment.
Step 2: When and where to talk to your children is up to you.
You should tell your children about the break up.Your children will hear the same message if you talk about the break up with everyone in the family.The whole process will be simpler for your children.You could tell your children in a comfortable room in the house.The talk in a familiar setting can help your children process the break up.Privacy is needed for such an important conversation."We have something we need to talk to you about," you might say.This will affect everyone.We are still a family, no matter what.
Step 3: Speak clearly and honestly.
Tell your children only the minimum amount of information and avoid going into the messy details of the break up.It has been difficult to get along between your mother and father.It was decided that it would be best for us to separate.The ages and level of understanding of each child should be considered.Younger children may need more information about what is happening.Older children can process information faster if they are aware of what you are saying.
Step 4: The break up is not your fault.
It is important that your children know that divorce happens only between adults and that the separation is not their fault.Your children should be reassured by the fact that the divorce has nothing to do with your behavior or actions.You should let your children know that you love them too.We want you to know that the break up is not your fault and that we both love you, no matter what.We will continue to be your parents.
Step 5: Allow your kids to ask questions.
If your partner is going to move out, your children may want to ask about it.Allow your children to ask the questions as they please.It is natural for your children to ask questions and you should answer honestly to help them process the news.Some of the questions your children might have include, "Who will live in the house?" "Will I have to move or change schools?" and "Can I still see my friends?"Your answers should be clear and reassuring to your children.For now, Mom will live in the house.Dad will visit on weekends or you will stay with her.There will be a lot of day to day needs shared until the divorce is finalized.You can say that Dad will drop you off at the party on Sunday and Mom will pick you up, or that we will both be at your tournament on Friday to support you.
Step 6: Your children will have an emotional reaction.
Your children may have different reactions to the break up.Prepare your children for a strong emotional reaction and try to accommodate their needs.Being there for your children may help you cope with the break up.Younger children may react to the break up by reverting to their old behavior, such as sucking their thumb, if you have them.Older children can experience anger, anxiety, and grief.They could become depressed and withdrawn.
Step 7: Be a good person to talk to.
You can help your children deal with the break up by listening and being a good parent.It's possible that your children need you to listen to their concerns about the break up.You should be willing to sit down with them and listen to what they have to say.Don't interrupt your children when they are speaking and show open body language when you're listening.Keeping eye contact, keeping your arms relaxed, and turning your body towards your children are some of the things this means.When you need to, you can ask your children questions.Don't try to have all the answers to their questions.If you don't know how to answer your question, you can say that I will always be here for you and I love you.The break up doesn't change my love for you.
Step 8: Speak to the people you need to.
Let authority figures in your children's lives know about the separation.When your children are in school or not around you, these authority figures can keep an eye on them.If there are any concerns about your children's behavior due to the break up, you can be notified.You can tell these figures that my partner and I recently separated.I am concerned about how it will affect the children.I know it will be difficult for them.I would like to know if there are any issues with the children in the coming weeks or months.
Step 9: Adhere to routines and habits.
Establishing consistent routines and habits with your children will help them cope with the break up.When children know what to expect, they feel more secure and safe.You and your partner should agree on a daily schedule and share it with the children.The children can feel that you are still reliable if they know what to expect.If your children are going to be in different households, you should keep the same disciplining habits.The rules, rewards, and expectations of your children should be the same for you and your partner.If you and your partner bend or adjust the rules for your children, this could confuse or anger them.
Step 10: Treat your former partner well.
If you speak badly about your former partner in front of your children, you can create tension and conflict.Being civil and respectful for the sake of the children is what you should focus on if you find it hard to be around your former partner.If you fight with your former partner in front of the children, this will upset them more.Even if you don't get along with your former partner, you can still be a good parent to your children.Children should not be used as pawns between you and your former partner.It can lead to more emotional issues for your children and cause more tension in the family.
Step 11: Professional support for your children.
If your children are struggling with the break up and you don't have the skills to support them, you may want to bring them to a therapist or counselor.Some children need professional help to cope with the break up and develop into healthy adults.You can look for a therapist that specializes in children or a counselor who has experience with children dealing with separation and divorce.As you deal with the break up, you may need counseling or therapy for yourself.Professional help can allow you to support your children and be there for them during difficult times.
Step 12: Allow your kids to stay in touch with their family and friends.
Your children won't disengage from their former family and friends even though you and your partner have broken up.It is important for your children to stay connected to your ex's family and friends, as this will give them a sense of stability and comfort.Allow your children to spend time with old family and friends.You should try to keep the same babysitters or child-care providers.Allowing your children to stay connected to the people in their lives before the separation will ensure they have a stable network around them.The difficulties of the break up can help your children develop into healthy adults.
Step 13: Follow through with child support payments.
During the divorce, you and your partner will likely come to an agreement on child support.Make sure you follow through on your finances and that your partner does the same.This will ensure that your children don't get involved in disputes about money.If you and your partner are having issues with child support payments or other financial agreements, you should discuss them in private.Children should not be brought into the discussion or used as pawns in the conflict.This will lead to more tension and high emotion.
Step 14: It's important to maintain a healthy environment for your children.
Even though you are no longer together, you should still be good parents to your children.Your home environment should be stable and healthy for your children.Make sure you take care of your own needs and stay healthy so you can be there for your children and offer support.Maintaining a healthy diet and exercising on a regular basis is important.You should take some time to care for yourself and make sure your needs are being met.You should see your friends and family.Ensuring you are able to support your children is one of the things they can offer you.
Step 15: Discuss your future partners with your children first.
If you decide to date again, you should take your children into account.You don't want your children to freak out if you jump into a new relationship too quickly.If you begin to date seriously, you should talk to your children about where you are.Let them know that you're ready to move on and keep an eye on them so they feel included.If you decide to live with someone new, you should let your children know.If it is soon after the break up, these kinds of decisions can upset your children.Discuss them and listen to their thoughts.
Step 16: You can find a support system.
In times of need, you should look for support systems for you and your children so you can turn to them.A break up can be challenging for everyone involved and support systems can help relieve stress.Professional support systems include counselors and therapists.If you decide to see a therapist one on one, you can offer therapy to your children.A close circle of friends or relatives is a personal support system.If you want your children to feel supported, you may want to have dinner on your own with friends once a week or set up a family dinner with relatives.