How To Build a Healthy Relationship with a Stepchild
Marrying someone who already has children can be a challenge, but it can also be an immense blessing.You don't have to step in as a third parent if you are a step-parent.Building a good relationship with your stepchild is important.This can be a big adjustment for you and the child.If you want to develop a civil relationship with them, just do your best.
Step 1: The child should be allowed to set the pace.
Allow your stepchild to define their relationship with you.The ball is in their court as to how they want to move forward.Don't force a relationship by rushing in.I don't want to replace your mom or dad, but I do want us to have a close relationship.You can think of me as an adult friend or an aunt.If they don't want to get close to you, back off.They might need time to accept the relationship.
Step 2: Talk about their interests.
It's a good idea to talk about what your stepchild is interested in.Ask her opinion on a dance routine if she is into ballet.Tell your stepson to watch your favorite show.You should engage in the conversation to show you're listening once you get them talking.Ask open-ended questions like "So, what got you interested in that?"
Step 3: One-on-one time is fun.
Share your hobbies, develop a new one, or take an interest in your stepchild's hobbies.You can spend quality time together without having to worry about exciting topics.If they like baseball, throw a ball around in the backyard.Give them a crash course in woodworking and teach them how to make something.
Step 4: You should engage in a way that's comfortable to them.
If the kid is intimidated or standoffish, coming off as a friend can be difficult.Get on the same level with them and help them relax.Any walls they may have built up could be broken down by interacting with them on a comfortable level.If they are playing with Legos on the floor, join them.If they're a bit shy, don't insist on face-to-face conversations.You can interact with them while playing a video game or watching a movie.
Step 5: Allow the child to call you whatever they want.
You shouldn't force your child to call you Mom or Dad if they prefer a different name.Peter, what would you like to call me?We both like a name.
Step 6: Your stepchild should be open with you.
You will need to be forthcoming to forge a bond with your stepchild.They may distrust you if you play your cards too close to your chest.Trust can affect your chances of bonding.You could say, "Let's start by getting to know one another."If they don't have any questions, say something like, "My door is always open if you have questions or want to talk."Okay?
Step 7: When it comes to giving affection, gauge the child's reaction.
As you build a relationship with your stepchild, it is natural to want to show affection.Before you do this, make sure that your stepchild is comfortable with your attempts.If you put a hand on their shoulder, will they back away?They're probably okay with it if not.You can ask them how they feel about affection.If you have a question like, "Is it okay if I give you a hug?", it will help you figure out their stance on the matter.
Step 8: You don't want to be the one to discipline the child.
Disciplining should be left to the parents.Building a positive relationship with your stepchild should be your focus early on.Don't let your spouse tell you what to do, just let them.If they want to involve you in the decision-making, have that talk away from the kids.
Step 9: Try to be friendly with the other parent.
The most important thing to remember here is that you are all part of the same team, and you all have the children's best interests at heart.Try to maintain a good relationship with the other parent regardless of any differences.Don't say bad things about the parent in front of the child.Listen and respond positively if they share a story about their parent.
Step 10: Extra sensitive and be patient.
Whatever the reason for the end of your stepchild's parents relationship, it is likely upsetting for them.Make room for you in their life by giving them time to process the new changes.Your relationship with your stepchild may never be ideal, but by allowing things to naturally develop without forcing them, you'll have a much better chance of building a lasting bond.
Step 11: Everyone else has the same chores and expectations.
Set clear and firm guidelines about what you expect in your household and have these rules apply to everyone, whether they live there full-time or only on occasion.When stepchildren are given the same rules and expectations, they become part of the family instead of being outsiders.If they are living full-time, you and your spouse should talk about the rules and expectations for your household.
Step 12: The child and biological parent should be able to bond.
Don't expect your stepchild to always be with you.You should give them a chance to be with your spouse.You allow them to nurture the bond they share with their parent by respecting their pre-existing relationship.
Step 13: Communication is part of daily life.
It's important to talk about things in blended families.Everyone is on the same page if everyone talks about everything during routines and rituals.Everyone might share a part of their day during dinnertime.Communication during chores or hobbies helps you get to know each other.If the child is not interested in talking to you, use personal stories to tell them more about you.Once they know you better, they might come around.
Step 14: Space is created for everyone.
Blending households is never easy, but try to consider the kids in any household changes.If children have to share rooms, make sure that they have their own space.Asking what paint color they'd like in a bedroom or taking them shopping for decor can help them feel included.They can hang a sign reading "Daisy's Room" to claim their space.