How To Convince Your Spouse to Let a Parent Move In
If you are the primary care giver for your aging parent, you may want to move them into your home at some point.Your spouse will need to be on board with this plan as well.Listen to your spouse's concerns and have an open, honest conversation then look at your options in more depth.Discuss with your spouse how you will accommodate your parent in your home and lifestyle.
Step 1: When you are calm, plan to talk.
It may be difficult to convince your spouse to let your parent in.You may already know that your spouse doesn't want to do it, or that they are not on board with the idea.If you want to increase the chances that your spouse will listen, you should plan the conversation for a calm time.Don't talk right before or after work.Set aside some time in the evening or over the weekend to have this discussion.
Step 2: Eliminating distraction will ensure a more effective conversation.
If you want to have a discussion, turn off your cell phones, TV and computers in the room, and go to a quiet place.You might want to wait until after the kids have gone to bed to talk to your spouse.Say something like, "I am going to put my phone on 'Do not disturb' so we won't be interrupted while we're talking."Would you be willing to do the same thing?
Step 3: Listen to it.
Before you share your opinion, you should fully understand what your spouse thinks.Give your spouse as much time as is necessary to express their feelings about your parent coming to live in your home.Sit facing your spouse with your hands at your sides or on your lap.Make eye contact to indicate your interest.If you want to avoid scowling, relax your facial features."Yes," "I see," and "uh-huh" are some of the neutral statements you can make to encourage your spouse to keep talking.Nod your head occasionally as well.If you take notes while your partner talks, you can come back to what they said.If you don't mind, say something like, "I am going to jot a few things down while you are talking."I want to make sure that we talk about all of your concerns.
Step 4: To better understand their concerns, ask them questions.
If you don't know what your spouse is saying, ask them to clarify.You can ask your spouse any questions you want.If your spouse says, "I think hiring someone to stay with your mom might be a better idea", then you could ask "Why are you worried you won't get along?"
Step 5: Tell us why you want your parent to move in with you.
You should share your reasons for wanting your parent to come and live with you after you have taken the time to listen carefully.Having your aging parent live with you and your family is beneficial.When you voice your opinion to your spouse, include some reasons.Say something like, "I want my mother to move in with us because she needs daily help with things like bathing and preparing food."She is going to get hurt if she tries to do those things while she is alone.He would get to know us and our children better if he lived here.
Step 6: You can make a pros and cons list with your spouse.
There are pros and cons to having your parent live at home with you.List everything you can think of with your spouse.Two columns labeled "pros" and "cons" are used to divide the list.This may help to convince your spouse that the pros outweigh the cons.It is possible to list things like ease of care, safer for my parent, and we will save money on the cost of hiring someone to care for them.You might say that we will have to clear out a room for them, our bathroom will need some modifications, and I don't always get along with my parent.
Step 7: There are other housing options for your parent.
Take some time to research and share your findings with your spouse if they want to explore other options.Depending on your parent's level of care, start by calling local retirement communities, assisted living apartments, and nursing homes.If you find a few places that might work for your parent, schedule visits to check them out.The facilities and cost of living are relevant to your parent's situation, so ask about them when you call.If you want your parent and spouse to look at these facilities, invite them.You should bring a list of things to look at when you visit, such as the bathing facilities, activity room, and cafeteria.
Step 8: Discuss if your parent will come to live in your home.
If your spouse is open to the idea of your parent moving into your home, they might be willing to try it out.Talk to your spouse to see if you can have your parent stay with you for a few months.It is possible to rent your parent's house or apartment while you wait.Is it possible to have mom move in for a month or 2 as a trial living situation?We can try a different option if it doesn't work out.
Step 9: Discuss where your parent would sleep with your spouse.
If your parent is going to live with you, they will need a room of their own.If you don't have a vacant room in your home, you may have to convert a room that is currently being used for your parent into a new room.To make a private space for your parent within your family's budget, talk about how you would make it.It is possible to clear out a room for your parent.If you don't have the space elsewhere, you may need to use a temporary room divider.It's important to consider the location of the room your parent will use.Make sure the room is on the first floor if they can't go up and down stairs with ease.You will need to get furniture for your parent as well.They may need a hospital bed or a bedside commode.
Step 10: Make a list of the modifications you would need to make.
Your home will be older-adult friendly if you are lucky.In some cases, you may need to modify your home.Talk to your spouse about minor or major modifications to make sure they are possible.If you want your parent's wheelchair to fit through the doorway, you need to hire someone to widen it.You might need to put bars on the bathroom wall near the toilet and in the shower for your parent to hold onto.If your home has a stairway leading up to the entryway, you might need to install a ramp for your parent to get in and out of the house.
Step 11: Decide who will look after your parent.
You will need to talk with your spouse about who will care for your parent while you modify your home.It's important to specify who will do what if they only need minimal care.You might tell your spouse that you will help your parent get dressed, bathe, and use the bathroom, but that they should help get into and out of chairs.If you plan to hire someone to visit your home daily or a few times per week to care for your parent, you need to know how much this will cost and make sure it is within your budget.
Step 12: You should plan to integrate your parent into your family activities.
As you plan for the possibility of your parent coming and living with you, make sure to consider your lifestyle and how you will include them in your activities.It is important that your parent is treated like a member of the family and not just someone who lives with you.Discuss with your parents how you would include them in your weekly activities, such as going to the grocery store and family game night.If your parent is in a wheelchair, you need to leave a bit earlier to make it to church on Sunday mornings.If you plan a family vacation and your parent is well enough to travel with some accommodations, you may need to book accessible rooms.