Talking back is part of being a teenager.This behavior can be rude and disrespectful to parents.To help your teenager understand proper behavior, respond to their comments in a calm but firm manner.After they have calmed down, talk to them about what went wrong.You may need to implement more long-term solutions if talking back is a consistent behavior.
Step 1: Speak calmly and firmly.
Yelling, screaming, or shouting at your teen will make them angry.Show your teen how to be calm during a conflict.Don't insult them or raise your voice.You can excuse yourself if you find yourself angry.Take as much time as you need to calm down and tell your teen, "I need a moment to collect my thoughts, but after that, we're talking."Don't insult, shout, or use sarcasm as a response to your child.This could lead to a bigger argument.
Step 2: Ignore small instances of talking back.
Teens can mumble under their breath or roll their eyes.It may be better to ignore the behavior if there is no harm done.It will prevent a potentially disastrous argument.If you ask your teen to wash the dishes and they roll their eyes, you might ignore it, as long as they actually do the task.If you don't allow your teen to go out, they will mumble something.You might want to let it go.
Step 3: Tell them you won't tolerate their behavior.
If your child is calling you names, using inappropriate language, or insulting you, you should tell them that this behavior is not appropriate.State that there will be consequences for their actions.Explain why this behavior is not right.You might say, "I don't want to hear you swearing."If you want to talk to me, use a calm voice.You should explain why the backtalk is inappropriate.You could say, "I find it difficult to have a conversation when I am being interrupted."
Step 4: Allow your teen to explain their point of view.
Maybe your teen is struggling to communicate if they say things like "you don't understand"They should be asked to explain their point.Don't interrupt the teen until they are done talking.You can say, "If you want to explain yourself, I will listen."They may think that you are being mean when you don't allow them to date.Tell us why you made this rule.You can show your teen that you listen by repeating what they say.You could say, "I understand that you're angry because you can't go to the concert, but I'm hearing you think your curfew is too strict."
Step 5: Ask your teen if they want to clarify or repeat something.
Ask the teen to repeat what they said in order to emphasize that the gesture was inappropriate.You could ask them to say it in a nicer way.It can help your teen communicate more tactfully.If they were mumbling, you can say, "Would you mind saying that a little louder?"You might say, "Can you ask for the computer in a more polite manner?"
Step 6: Explain to your teen the consequences.
Tell your teen what will happen if they talk to you again.Before implementing the consequence, give them a warning.You might say something like, "If I hear you talk to me like that again tonight, you don't get to watch TV." or "You will have to pay a dollar to the swear jar every time you curse."
Step 7: If the teen doesn't listen, walk away.
Remove yourself from the situation if your teen is too emotional or if you can't behave calmly.When you and your teen calm down, you can talk again.I'm not going to talk to you right now.If your teen walks away from the conversation, don't follow them.Give them time to cool off.
Step 8: Do not take the comments personally.
Understand that your teen doesn't really think of things like "I hate you" or "You're the worst parent in the world."They are young and going through an emotional part of their life.It's possible to remember how you felt as a teenager.This will help you understand your teen.
Step 9: You should talk to your teen after you've calmed down.
If your teen has calmed down, approach them.Let them know that you want to talk about the situation earlier.Be calm and firm as you speak.Are you feeling better?We should discuss what happened earlier.
Step 10: Tell your teen that you still have your mind made up.
Teens try to get you to change your mind.They will think this tactic works if they sway you.If your teen is upset, tell them that the rule is still in place.They will find other ways to express their discontent.You could say, "I know that you really wanted to go on that school trip, but my answer is still no."Refer back to your house rules.You could say, "I know you said you were sorry, but you know the rules."You shouldn't swear in the house.
Step 11: Explain to your teen how to ask for something.
Encourage your teen to come to you calmly and ask for something if they think you are being unfair.Tell them what they need to do in order to see a change.You could say, "Next time, if you really want to hang out with your friends, do your homework first and then come ask me politely."If you want me to extend your curfew, you have to show me that you can follow it.I'll consider changing it if you can do it for a whole month.
Step 12: Comply with consequences.
Whether or not you discipline your teenager for talking back is up to you.Make sure it's appropriate for the situation if you do.Don't make people feel bad for talking back.If your teen is playing a video game and talking back to you, you can forbid them from playing games for a day or two.If you notice that your teen is swearing or using abusive language, you might want to take them out for a week.
Step 13: Clear and consistent rules are needed.
It can be hard for a teenager to act appropriately when they don't know what to do.Talk to them about the rules.They should be aware of the consequences.Talk to your teenager about the rules of the house.Relaxing the rules will give them more independence if they have shown responsibility recently.Don't make the same rules for a teenager as you did for children.If their curfew was sunset when they were 10 years old, you may want to change it to 8 pm for a 13 or 16 year old.
Step 14: Praise your teen when they speak in a mature way.
If your teen asks for something in a respectful way, or if you compliment them, let them know that they did well.What did they do right?You could say, "Thank you for asking me before dyeing your hair."You could say, "I'm glad you called me instead of trying to walk home alone."If you are stuck at night, I will always come and get you.
Step 15: If stress or anxiety is causing your teen's behavior, talk to them.
School, relationships, and other growing pains can affect your teenager's mood and cause them to snap at you.Every day, check in with your teenager to make sure there are no underlying problems causing this behavior.Setting aside time every day to talk with your teen is a good way to do this.You will listen if you tell your teen that they can talk about anything.Don't interrupt them as they talk.It is possible to build trust between you and your teen.It will encourage them to come to you with their problems.If your teen asks for help without resorting to backtalk, help them solve their problems.
Step 16: Seek family counseling.
It may be time to see a professional if your child continuously causes arguments or increases tension in the family.A family therapist can provide individual sessions for you or your teen.