Whether it is moving, starting a new job, spending time apart, getting married, or having children, relationships are always going to change.There is no need to see change as a bad thing.You and your partner can endure changes in their relationship by being adaptive and communicating regularly.
Step 1: You have a view on change.
There are many positive things that can result from change.There is no need to assume the worst when there is change.Think about what positive things will come from change.It can be hard to move, but think about the exciting parts of starting a new adventure, exploring new places, and meeting new people.
Step 2: Accept that you may be seeing your partner differently.
If you feel like your partner has all of a sudden changed, consider that he or she always had these qualities, but you are seeing him or her differently now.You may see your partner in a different light once the honeymoon phase is over.You may not want to blame your partner for the changes, but recognize that your perception may have changed.It is your own annoyance that is bothering you, not your partner.Learning to tune out behaviors or taking deep breaths can help you deal with your feelings of annoyance or upset.
Step 3: Allow for your differences.
One partner may change their viewpoint about something, like marriage or having kids.Do not take differences in views personally.It doesn't mean that your partner is attacking the other.It doesn't mean you have to be a "best" and "worse" approach, it just means that you disagree, and it's okay to accept those differences.If you know that the topics bring conflict with no resolution, then you can call them off limits.Politics or religion can cause disagreements with no obvious solution.Agree not to talk about certain topics together.
Step 4: Take a break.
If the change causes confusion or strong emotions, take some time away from each other and argue less.Make sure you agree on the amount of time and that you use it to think about the problem.Taking time away from each other will not solve the problem.If you agree to take a week to think things over separately and then meet again at a set time and place, you might just need a 15 minute break in separate rooms.Ask yourself why this change affects you so much.Is there something triggering the change?Is there any fear or worry?Take a look at what is upsetting you or filling you with fear.Take some time to figure out why your position is important to you when you disagree with it.Where are the fears coming from?Why do you feel so strong?You can journal your thoughts and feelings.
Step 5: They should give each other emotional support.
Changes can be difficult for a couple in a relationship.Support your partner even if you are struggling.Let your partner know that he or she is important to you and that you care about the relationship.Through thoughtful words and gestures, show your affection, care, and respect.This is hard, and I am struggling.I want this relationship to work because I care about you.I am here to support you.
Step 6: Discuss the changes.
Discuss how big changes affect you individually and how they affect the relationship as a whole.Allow your partner to express his or her feelings.It may not be an easy conversation.It is important to communicate with your partner when big changes occur.Tell the truth about how you feel.Use "I statements" to convey your feelings.I'm nervous and anxious about you starting night school.I feel sad because I will see less of you.I want you to pursue what makes you happy and I am proud of you.
Step 7: Listen to what your partner has to say.
If you want to express your thoughts, needs, and feelings to your partner, take a step back and ask him or her how he or she is adjusting to the change.Listen closely and let your partner talk.Being available to listen will show your partner your care.You can improve your listening skills by reflecting on what your partner is saying.Say, for example, that you hear your partner say that the change is hard on them and that it is important to go through with it.You feel depressed because it is hard for you to talk about your father's death.I understand why this is hard for you.
Step 8: You should keep your relationship in mind.
When faced with change, remind yourself how much you value your relationship.How much do you want your relationship to change?If your partner gets a new job, you may be upset.You should respond in ways that show that you prioritize your relationship.If you are upset, ask yourself if it is worth making your partner pay for the changes or if you should keep things in perspective.
Step 9: Accept some ambiguity and be flexible.
Trying to identify and think about every detail of a situation can be paralyzing when faced with changes.Prepare as well as possible, and then take a step back.Be flexible and deal with the challenges one at a time.If you and your partner have to spend some time apart because one of you gets a job that requires lots of travel, you might anticipate some challenges.Don't try to identify every possible challenge ahead of time and work out solutions to each one in advance.Work out solutions to a few of the big challenges that you might face and then focus on other challenges as they arise.You could come up with a plan for known challenges, such as child care, managing household tasks while the other is away, and communicating.As you head into unknown territory, having a plan for known challenges that you both agree on can help you feel like you have some structure.
Step 10: You can see a therapist.
It is possible that your relationship needs intervention and therapy to deal with the changes.A couples counselor can help you and your partner improve their communication, as well as state their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in meaningful ways.Therapy can be useful in times of transition and change.There are ways to work on emotional avoidance in the relationship.
Step 11: Be friendly.
Touch can provide support.During times of change, keep in touch with your partner.Put your arms around each other and show you want to be close together.It's important to maintain your sex life.Scheduling sex doesn't sound sexy, but it can help you connect.
Step 12: Bring back the good times.
Bring something old and familiar back into your relationship if you feel confused by change.Do something you used to do together again to maintain a sense of normal.When you first started dating, you might have enjoyed watching old episodes of "I Love Lucy" together.You can invite your partner to watch an episode with you.Re-create a date you both enjoyed or eat a treat you have fond memories of together.
Step 13: Try something new.
You can find an activity that you both want to do.Change can be bad, but do something new that feels good.It can be fun to do something new with someone.You can go ice skating or spelunking.Try a new activity together.Make it fun and appealing to each of you.
Step 14: Schedule regular date nights.
Just the two of you should plan time to spend together.This can be a great way to spend more time together.Keeping your dates consistent can give you something to look forward to and a way to know that you can spend time meaningfully connecting.When you were first dating, fond memories of your kids, and other pleasant memories, avoid topics like finances and focus on them.
Step 15: Take a break.
You may want to take some time off from each other, just the two of you.If you want to spend time together, be affectionate, and enjoy each other's company, take a weekend and go somewhere nice.It's nice to get away from deadlines and pressures and just have time together.Get out of the house and away from the to-do lists.There is a place that brings you peace and calm.