Domestic violence is a term used to describe an intimate relationship in which one person uses abusive behavior to assert his or her authority over the other person.In the United States, one in four women has been physically abused by a partner.These numbers are believed to be much lower than what actually happens.If you or someone you love is a victim of domestic violence, it is important to understand how to deal with it.
Step 1: Understand what constitutes domestic violence.
The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as having many possible manifestations, all of which are patterns of violence that are used by one person to gain and keep power over someone else.There are different types of domestic violence classified by the US government at www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence.Any behavior that hurts someone else's body can be physical abuse.Sexual Abuse is a type of domestic abuse that involves one person forcing or attempting to force sexual behavior or touch from another person.This could include unwanted touching of the genitals or breasts, unwanted sex of any type, within a marriage relationship or not, or sexually degrading or humiliating someone.This type of domestic abuse involves one person belittling another person by damaging their self-esteem or sense of worth.It can take many forms, but some of the most common involve talking in a belittling way about someone (alone or in public), constantly criticizing someone's efforts, calling someone names or cursing at someone, or trying to turn people against one another.This type of domestic abuse involves one person trying to make another person financially dependent on them.It can include refusing access to money or bank accounts, not sharing information about finances, or not allowing someone to attend school so they can become self sufficient.Domestic abuse that involves using means of fear, intimidation, or threats is called psychological abuse.It can include isolating someone from family or friends, threatening self harm or harm to others, destroying property or pets, and "gaslighting," a process that involves gradually convincing the victim that she is crazy and deserves the abuse.
Step 2: Understand why some people abuse.
Abuse is about power and control over a victim, often occurring when an abuser feels a lack of power in other areas of his or her life, or wants to take power away from their victim.Abuse always has a few features in common, one of which is that it is never justified.Abusers always have an excuse for their actions, but no matter what they say, there is never a valid reason to abuse another person.It isn't the victim's fault.The victim's behavior needs to be punished by the abusers because the victim was asking for it.No one deserves to be abused and these are just excuses.It can happen to any person.There isn't a single demographic that abuses or is victimized.Abusers can be any race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or socio-economic status.Men can also be victims of domestic violence.Laws are written as if the victims were all females.
Step 3: You need to know the law in your area.
Domestic violence victims are protected by federal laws.There are additional laws and statutes governing domestic violence in most states.The Violence Against Women Act and the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act are federal laws.Legal aid is provided for victims of domestic violence.The National Domestic Violence Hotline was established by formula grants to states to serve victims.
Step 4: Know what local resources are available.
Depending on where you live, there are different resources available to help a victim escape a violent partner, press charges, find temporary housing, or even relocate.Clicking on your state will take you to http://www.justice.gov/ovw/local-resources.The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to call.It is a 24 hour hotline that can connect you to resources in your area and give you advice about a safety plan.Every major city in the US has a shelter for domestic violence victims.
Step 5: Do you know if you areExperiencing Domestic Violence?
Domestic abuse can include emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse.Abusers can be loving and attentive when they are not abusing.Some victims might not be sure if they are experiencing DV.If someone makes you feel scared or in danger, you are in an abusive relationship.It can take months or years for an abusive relationship to start out that way.Sometimes controlling and manipulating behaviors develop so slowly that the victim can't tell when the relationship became violent.Every violent relationship has a different look to it.Some abusers use psychological tactics to make their victims feel worthless, even though they never lay their hands on them.If you fear that you are being abused, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can help you understand if your situation is abusive.
Step 6: Tell someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or professional.
It is important for someone else to be aware that you are being abused in case of an emergency, even if you choose not to immediately leave the relationship.If you need them to help you, you may want to set up a safe word or code word.You could agree that if you call them about Uncle Michael, they should call the police.
Step 7: All acts of abuse should be documented.
Keep detailed records for yourself in case you need them later, even if you don't report the incident to the police.If you have evidence of a pattern of abuse, you can try to get custody or seek damages.If you have evidence of abuse, you can get a restraining order.There is evidence of abuse stored in a large envelope.If you want to prevent your partner from finding the envelope, you can ask your friend to keep it at another location.If you don't have someone to leave it with, be sure to put it somewhere that your partner will not find it.If there are any incidents that involve physical, sexual, emotional, financial, or other types of abuse, you should write them down.Write down everything you did, your partner's actions, and whether or not anyone else was involved in the episode.Think of it as a legal document and write it in a neutral way.Take pictures of any marks that your partner makes on you or damage that he or she does to your home if you are physically abused.Save any intimidating text messages, emails, or written notes that he or she sends to you.
Step 8: When you are with your partner, be aware of your environment.
Be aware of their moods.When they may have an abusive episode, this may help you recognize it.If an argument breaks out, make sure you are in an area that has an escape route like a door or window, and away from anything that may be used as a weapon.Don't go to the bathroom with small windows or kitchens where dangerous household objects are kept.
Step 9: A safety plan needs to be prepared.
A safety plan is based on your circumstances and the type of abuse that is occurring.In the event of a violent attack, it deals with what you should do, as well as a longterm plan for how you can get out of the situation for good.If you have children, pets, or are pregnant, your safety plan should include how you will protect them if you leave, and how to keep them safe during violent episodes.If you need help making a safety plan, you can call the hotline.The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you take personal situation factors into account as you make a plan.
Step 10: Practice your escape routes.
It is possible to reduce panic in a frightening situation by being prepared.Know what you can do to remove yourself from the abusive episode.The safety plan and escape plan should be practiced with children as well.If they are scared, teach them to run to a neighbor's home or to call a family friend.You may not want to share all of your safety plan with young children, as they may tell your partner and you may get into an even worse altercation for disobeying his or her authority.Abusers attempt to use children against the battered parent.
Step 11: Important documents can be kept in a safe place.
Social security cards, birth certificates, marriage licenses, and any other legal documents have your name on them.If children are involved, include their personal information as well, such as birth certificates, social security cards, tribal identification cards and medical and vaccine records.If you can't store the originals, you may want to make copies and keep them.If you have told a friend that you are being abused, you should give them a copy of the documents.You can get the documents from them at a later time if you have to leave.
Step 12: Prepare a suitcase.
During an emergency or in the event that you have to leave your home, the suitcase can hold important documents and things from there.There is a suitcase that you can keep your documents in.A few changes of clothes, a few days' supply of any essential medications, contact information for shelters and local resources, cash and credit cards, and a copy of keys are some things to include.The bag should be kept outside of the home of a trusted person.If you don't have a trusted friend to leave it with, you can keep it in a storage locker at a neutral location or in the trunk of your car.It's important to keep it away from your partner.
Step 13: Purchase a cell phone for emergencies.
Even without a phone plan, almost all cellular telephones have emergency service access.If you need to call the authorities, you should keep this phone charged and ready.It is possible to keep the phone in a safe area and not see it.
Step 14: You can open a bank account.
Funds are immediately available to you if you have an account.Leave important documents with your trusted friend if you want to hide evidence from your partner.Asking the bank to send statements to your friend's house is a must.Tell the bank representative that it's important to you that the person you live with doesn't know about the account.This step may be difficult if you don't work outside of the home.Once you leave your home, you may be able to get financial assistance from government organizations.
Step 15: There is research.
Abuse can take many forms.Learn about the warning signs of abuse and how to leave an abusive relationship.You can help your friend by knowing what's going on, understanding the legal implications, and finding available resources.Visit government websites like thehotline.org or thecdc.gov to get up-to-date information about domestic violence.It is important for you to help your friend understand his or her options because he or she may not be thinking clearly.
Step 16: Do you want to ask?
Do not be afraid to ask if your friend is being abused.Asking how he or she is doing or if a partner is hurting him or her is a sign that you care.You understand that they are scared and vulnerable, but that you want to support them and help them through the situation.If your friend insists that she is not being abused, let her know that you are there for her, and that if anything ever happens, you will always be willing to talk about it.
Step 17: Be supportive.
Your friend needs to know that there is someone who understands them and is not going to judge them, because your friend's abuser is trying to make him or her feel alone and isolated.If your friend is experiencing sexual assault, do not ask her how often she consents to have sex, and let her know that this is not his or her fault.You should respect your friend's decision if he or she wants to stay in the relationship.
Step 18: Help your friend come up with a plan.
It is important that victims of domestic violence prepare for what to do during an abusive episode, and plan ahead for how they will leave the situation.Being in an abusive relationship can make it hard to think clearly about possible outcomes.For a step by step guide to creating a safety plan from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, visit http://www.thehotline.org.It's important to make sure that the plan includes how to stay safe during a violent episode, what to do in an emergency, and if the friend is willing to leave the relationship.
Step 19: Help prevent domestic violence.
The development of healthy relationships, respect between partners, the importance of sexual consent, and dating skills can all help reduce rates of domestic violence.Ask your congressperson or representative what they will do to help prevent domestic violence.
Step 20: Make sure your children are taught.
We teach our children what relationships look like in the home.When you teach your child how to be part of a healthy relationship, you are also teaching him or her to not be a victim of abuse.A healthy relationship can be MODELED.It is not possible to teach children how to prevent domestic violence in their own future homes unless you can model that type of relationship for them.If you are in a violent relationship, it is important that you make a safety plan and leave so you can model healthy relationships for your children.Children are taught about respect and consent.If you teach your children that healthy relationships do not involve pressure, force, or coercion, they will never try to make you do something they are not comfortable with.They should respect their boundaries at an early age.If your child does not want a hug from grandma, do not force her, because you are teaching her that she doesn't have control over who she is affectionate with.Encourage your children to have a good level of self-esteem.Abusers take away their victim's feelings of self-worth because they want to feel powerful and in control.You can help your children develop self-esteem by bonding when they are young, spending quality time together, praising their achievements and encouraging their talents, and by being involved in their friends to make sure they aren't making friends with the wrong types of people.The importance of equality should be taught to your children.A relationship where one partner has more power than the other is more likely to be abusive.If you want to teach children that both partners should have equal power in a loving relationship and that decisions should be made through team work and compromise rather than pressure or one person deciding for the other, you should teach them.
Step 21: Do your part.
There are many ways to help end domestic violence.Get involved by finding a way that works for you.Donate clothes, food, or household goods to your local women's shelter or crisis center by calling or volunteering.Many survivors have to leave dangerous situations with only their clothes on.Donate to an organization that works to end domestic violence.You can find a list of organizations at http://nomore.org/donations/.Become a mentor.Through organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters or your local church or YMCA, you can become a mentor to young people and help them develop relationship skills and self-esteem to prevent domestic violence in their futures.Contact your congressperson and ask them to support legislation that supports survivors and punishes offenders.