Lisa, good luck on your wedding!It was beautiful!Perhaps now we can focus on work during office hours rather than gushing about wedding planning details, eh? Many of us have been on the receiving end of a seemingly well-intended compliment.Learn how to deal with insincere compliment by responding appropriately, managing future interactions with the person, and distinguishing veiled offenses from genuine compliment.
Step 1: Say thanks.
If you are tempted to respond impulsively with a remark that could come back to harm you, it may be in your best interest to reply as if the person was sincere.If you're sure the compliment was genuine, tell the person to thank you.Ignore the rest of the compliment and thank the person for the positive portion.Your sister says that you've lost a lot of weight.You look good!You can reply with "Thanks, I'm glad my hard work is starting to show" if you want.This approach is best for situations in which responding in a more candid manner is not advisable.An example would be a superior at work or a sibling at a family gathering.
Step 2: Keep smiling and carry on.
Ignore the masked insult and keep doing what you are doing.You don't need to allow the person to get under your skin.It does not have the desired effect on you if you ignore them with a smile.You won't have waged war on an innocent person if the compliment was genuine.
Step 3: Ask the person what they mean.
If you have a friend who frequently makes insincere comments, you may want to confront them by having them explain what they mean.The individual will have to justify his or her words.This will make a person uncomfortable with his or her actions.In your example, be specific."Thank you for noticing I cleaned the kitchen, but what do you mean by saying it's nice to see a person doing that?""Thank you for noticing, but the rest of that statement is garbage."Being specific in the compliment makes it harder to be mistaken for a word or phrase.Those who are good at coming up with excuses on the spot may be able to navigate this tactic.It is worth trying, as it will show you are aware of the behavior and question it.If the person is giving a negative compliment if this is their normal way of interacting, you may be doing them a favor by pointing this out to them.Deal-with-Insincere-Compliments-Step-3.jpgYou keep commenting on my punctuality, even though they appear positive at first glance.I don't know why you keep talking about it, I know I take the bus and have little control over when it arrives.Occasionally, an individual does not understand that he or she is giving insincere praise.If a parent modeled this behavior, it could happen.It is not ok, but it can be learned.You can either accept or reject the apology from the person.People may make up excuses.This is a sign that the person is not ready to own up to the mistake.
Step 4: Request they stop.
Asking that someone stop making statements is an even stronger statement than just confronting them.Under the pretense of modesty, the person will not be aware.Say something along the lines of "please stop with the compliment, Tina."You could say that I wasn't the only one who worked on the project.Praise the whole team, not just me.
Step 5: Don't give in to any other requests.
Some praisers are just setting you up for a request or favor in the future.They've played into the idea that flattery will get you everywhere and may compliment you to win approval or even forgiveness for some wrongdoing.If a person continually praises you, be wary of any demands they may make in the future.The person buttering you up to get their way is actually a form of false flattery.If you can, distance yourself from the person.Don't allow them to get their way with you.
Step 6: Own your feelings.
Take time to feel what you're feeling, even if it's because you were recognized or secretly pissed.If you don't do anything to create boundaries with the person, they may start to chip away at your self-esteem.Don't let your emotions get to you.Feelings of shame or self-doubt can be brought up by an insincere compliment.If you have to collect yourself, give yourself a time-out.Cool off by taking a few deep breaths.Call up an authentic friend who will help you see the positives and remind yourself of your positive qualities.
Step 7: Improve your self-esteem.
Someone may see you as lacking self-esteem if they thought you'd fall for false flattery.They assumed you'd give in to their demands if you just threw a compliment.You may need to work on your confidence if you tend to roll after false praise.Make the most of your accomplishments and failures to boost your self-esteem.You can use accomplishments to affirm your abilities.Failure can be used to identify weaknesses for future growth.You shouldn't compare yourself to the people around you.This is a way to make you lose confidence.You have something unique to offer that no one else can.Try something new.Developing and honing new skills can help you believe in your abilities.Go back to school.Ask your boss for some on-the- job training in a new area.If your self-esteem becomes a problem for you and you begin taking things too personally, try reading a confidence boosting audiobook.The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is written by Dr. Nathaniel Branden.
Step 8: Determine if you were supposed to hear it.
It is wise to take a look at the context of an accolade you are suspicious of.Did you hear the compliment?It's possible that the person was actually being genuine.Think about it.If you weren't meant to hear the remark, there is no reason for the person to use sarcasm or false flattery.If you heard others say nice things about you, it was genuine.
Step 9: Check the compliment's content.
There are a few categories of disingenuous comments.They are made in tones of mockery, they are over-the-top, or they occur too frequently.You may need to pay more attention to this person if the praise you received meets any of these criteria.
Step 10: Discuss your relationship with the person.
The behavior may be out of the norm for the person.They may have an agenda if that is the case.After receiving praise, you can determine what the other person could possibly have to gain.Think about your interactions with this person over the last few weeks.Determine what the person's motives are by studying them.Is there something that happened between you and this person that would cause you to grovel or worse?When the person is looking for forgiveness, or when you are in a position of status, false flattery is more likely to occur.It is possible for insincere praise to arise in the midst of a competitive workplace or after you have received recognition.