If a coworker has asked you out and you are eagerly awaiting your response, you may be wondering how you can get out of the situation unscathed.Even if it is a bit uncomfortable in the moment, declining a date from a coworker is usually pretty straightforward.If you are clear about it and professional, there shouldn't be a problem.If you want to learn how to let them down without putting your career at risk, read on.
Step 1: Say you appreciate the offer in order to spare their feelings.
Start by putting them at ease about how this interaction is going to go, and don't leave the door open for any future relationship or anything like that.There is a chance that they will have a negative reaction if they start with a positive note.They may be harder to work with in the future if they feel slighted or insulted.You could say: "I'm flattered that you're asking me out, but..."I really appreciate it, but...I would like to thank you for making me feel wanted.Unfortunately...
Step 2: Tell them no in a kind and compassionate way.
It is clear that dating is off the table without making them feel bad about asking you out.Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel.Any conflict should be minimized by this.You could say that you would prefer to keep things professional.I am not interested in seeing anyone right now.I really value our friendship, and I would rather keep it that way.
Step 3: It's possible to smooth things over if you give them a reason.
It never feels good to hear "no" without any context, and it takes a lot of guts to ask someone out.If you give them a short explanation, you can spare some feelings and solve the problem faster.It is a violation of company policy and I really value this job.I don't want to jeopardize my career by dating a coworker.I am not in a place where I want to pursue anything. I dated a coworker at my previous job and the other employees just couldn't stop gossiping or spreading rumors.I don't date my coworkers anymore.
Step 4: Put them at ease and let them walk away feeling good.
You don't have to put your coworker down unless they've been rude.They can walk away from a compliment with their head held high.If you leave their feelings intact, your working relationship will not change.You could say you are kind and sweet.I really enjoy talking to you at the office because you are a good friend.I apologize, but I really hope this doesn't affect our work.You are one of the smartest people I have ever worked with, and I look forward to continuing our working relationship.
Step 5: Throw out an excuse if it looks like they aren't taking it well.
If something were to change, you should not send a signal that you would date them in the future.If you invent a fake boyfriend or girlfriend, don't talk to your coworkers about being single over lunch next week because you need to remember the excuse.In a pinch, this can get you out of it.I have a boyfriend/girlfriend and things are pretty serious.I have taken a vow of singledom because my ex really didn't treat me right, and I am going through a lot in my personal life.
Step 6: No matter what happens, maintain a professional tone and demeanor.
Don't let the person asking you out ruffled your feathers if they respond with something pointed or lose their cool.You could get in trouble at work if you react strongly.Even though you don't owe this person anything, it's still best to stay as professional as possible.It's important if they ask you out at the office.Don't make a scene.If they want to lose their cool, let them.You can either dismiss yourself or grab a manager.There is nothing wrong with reminding them that they are a great person and they haven't done anything wrong if they look like they're tearing up or not taking it well.You will be okay if you don't make it seem like you are leaving the door open for dating in the future.
Step 7: If they ask you next week, put your foot down.
Some people can't take a hint.If they ever approach you again and ask you a second time.Make it very clear that they are crossing a line.Let them know that you don't appreciate them ignoring your wishes.You could say, "Look, I already said I just want to remain coworkers."I am not trying to hurt your feelings or put you down, but this needs to stop.I don't want you to go on a date with me.If it gets really bad or they can't get the message, go to HR or bring it up with your boss.
Step 8: Don't engage if they test the waters in the future.
It is hard for some people to let go of a crush.If they flirt with you in the weeks or months after asking you out, they may check to see if you have changed your mind.Don't send the wrong signal.Ignore flirtatious behavior they send you.They might get the wrong idea if they are friendly.Give them a slight, unromantic grin if they smile at you from across the room.Say "thanks" if they comment on how good your hair looks.They need to get the hint.This only applies to flirting.If they are being aggressive about it, touching you, or making you feel uncomfortable, you should go to HR and file a report.If they are crossing a line, you don't have to spare their feelings.
Step 9: If you agreed to hang out but they think it's a date, make a group thing.
You may end up in a sticky situation if you got caught off-guard or misunderstood their advance.If you turn them down after they think you accepted a date, just invite a bunch of coworkers out to join and make it a social work outing.You should play it off like you thought it was a social thing.If you knew it was a romantic date, you wouldn't have turned them down.This only works if they're not sure about it being a date.Do you want to have drinks after work?If they were straightforward about asking you out and you accept on the spot, just do your best to walk back your answer and explain that you were nervous when they asked.
Step 10: Remember what can go wrong if you decide to say yes.
Office relationships can get messy.The work day is going to be awkward if you ever start dating and get into an argument.You may be uncomfortable going into the office if you break up.If your boss doesn't know, you could lose your job.It is dangerous to accept a date from someone who has power over you at work.It's never a good idea to have a relationship where one person has control over the other.