How To Figure Out Whether or Not You Are a Lesbian
Lesbians are women who are attracted to each other.When and if they want to seek those types of partners, they prefer women for their dates, girlfriends and wives.It's okay not to have all the answers when figuring out your sexual orientation.Hearing about other people's experiences can help you grow into a more confident and comfortable version of yourself.
Step 1: Think about the people you are attracted to.
It's fine if you don't know what you're feeling.Think about what thoughts you've had that make you think you might be a lesbian, and take some time to reflect on the people who are causing these feelings.Have you ever thought about sex with women?What about men and people of other genders?What is your level of attraction to a man if you've been in a relationship with him?Were you motivated to initiate and engage in physical affection?Do you like women?Do you think it's an aesthetic appreciation?Is that related to stronger emotions?
Step 2: Do you have a connection to other women?
Have you thought about having a future with another woman?Did you think you might be in love with one?This doesn't mean you have to call yourself a lesbian, but it's a sign that you might not be straight.Do you want to kiss, touch or do something romantic for other women?Have you ever thought about men in this way?Which feelings make you happy?
Step 3: Think about what you did.
Maybe you've had romantic experiences with other women, like dates, sexual encounters, or intimate shared experiences.You might be a lesbian if you're drawn to these experiences and memories more than you are to similar experiences with men.
Step 4: You should talk to lesbians.
Talking to lesbian women can help you assess your feelings.If they ever had feelings for men, you might want to find out how they realized that they were lesbian.If you know someone who is comfortable asking personal questions, try to find them.If you get nervous, write down your questions so you don't forget.You should make sure that you trust this person so that they don't out you before you are ready.
Step 5: Take it easy.
Take the pressure off of yourself after you have taken some time to reflect.Allow the reflections to sit with you and don't feel like you have to tell anyone until you are ready.You may be pressured to make a decision by those who support you.Let them know that you're going to take your time and not rush it.
Step 6: If you feel safe, talk to your friends and family.
Talk to your friends and family about your confusion.Sometimes it's easier to figure out a mystery from the perspective of someone who knows us."Hey Monica, you're one of my best friends, can I trust you with something private?"I have been wondering if I am a lesbian.If you're nervous about telling your friends, try to find out what they think about gay issues in general.Asking them about a recent news article is an easy way to bring it up.If you have good reason to be afraid of their reactions, don't talk to them.If you're likely to be cut off financially, protect yourself.Do find someone to talk to.If you don't want to tell anyone, try a hotline, online forum, support group, counselor, or therapist.
Step 7: You don't need to label yourself.
Your identity doesn't have to be defined by a word.Only you can define yourself, or not.Maybe you need more time to explore, or maybe you're just content to do what makes you happy.You don't have to make a decision until you are ready.If you want to explore romantic or sexual encounters with women, you can tell people you are questioning.Are you attracted to women but unsure about their genders?Pansexual?Is it trans or straight?"queer" is a label that doesn't specify whether you feel a difference in your orientation, gender or both.If the desire is coming from within or you feel pressured by someone, consider if you need a label.Don't let anyone make you decide.
Step 8: You can explore your attractions.
Take some time to visit your attractions.Look at how it makes you feel.If you want to chat, give a guy your number.Think about going on a few dates with people from all genders and see what kind of emotional and physical attraction you get.Have fun!
Step 9: Sexualities other than straight or gay should be considered.
There are many queer identities besides lesbian, and attraction is a spectrum.Bisexual people are attracted to people of other genders.Pansexual people don't consider gender a factor in who they're attracted to.Sexual attraction and romantic attraction need to be the same thing in order to confuse us.It's okay to be attracted to someone, but not to become a romantic partner.If you want to learn more about this, you should look up information about being asexual.
Step 10: There is a difference between gender and orientation.
A lesbian likes women.She identifies as a woman and also is attracted to women.It might be a good idea to separate the two concepts.Is it right to call yourself a woman?Do you think it's right to say you're attracted to women?You do not define your gender identity by your birth certificate or genitals.That relates to your sex, not your gender.If people assume you are a woman your whole life, but you don't feel like one, you might be trans.You could look at the experience of trans people.
Step 11: Sexual orientation can change.
Future attractions aren't necessarily determined by your previous ones.Orientation isn't something that changes from Tuesday to Wednesday, or that we can choose to change whenever we want, but it's not set in stone forever.It doesn't mean that you were lying or in a fake relationship if you used to feel certain of your identity and orientation.Accept yourself in your current form, and give yourself time to figure it out.It can cause mental and emotional harm if you deny your feelings so that you can comply with the expectations of a label you've already applied to yourself.If you want to follow a new path, it's okay.
Step 12: Accept that you don't have control over your sexual orientation.
It might be difficult to know if you are a lesbian.Should people find out about your family's religious beliefs, you might get a backlash.You can't change your attraction, and you've done nothing wrong by feeling that way.You are who you are.Don't lose yourself in the process of keeping yourself safe.Building a support network of allies can help you stay strong and protect yourself.
Step 13: Sexual and emotional attraction are different.
Some people might think that sexual and emotional attraction are the same.If you have a friend who is a woman you always want to kiss or touch, but you don't like going out to dinner with her, then maybe you should not go.You may know guys who you would like to go on a date with.Determine what is more important to you by knowing the differences between the two attractions.Women and men are conditioned to think about those of the opposite sex.People of all genders are conditioned from a young age to think only of the opposite sex.It's possible that you don't have a clear idea of what a woman would look like if you were dating her.If this is the case, you might want to try out romantic dates to see if you like them.