Arguments are unavoidable in relationships, but they don't have to be long.If you're arguing with a sibling, romantic partner, friend, or coworker, you can use the same strategies to get to the bottom of the issue.Dividing the tension, taking a step back to get perspective, and using tried and true techniques to reach a resolution are some of the ways to end arguments faster and more effectively.If you fight with someone frequently, you may want to think about how you are going about it.
Step 1: Relax.
When you get in an argument, temper and tension levels can shoot up faster than you can say "mad." Anger, however, only hinders your ability to resolve the situation.Take a deep breath from your stomach, nose, and mouth a few times.Imagine each inhale filling you with calm and melting away the tension in your body as you practice deep breathing.
Step 2: Lower your voice.
Each of you can feel attacked by raised voices.You can't hear or think sensibly if you shout.If you notice yourself or the other person shouting, lower your voice to a softer, indoor level.It's possible to subconsciously prompt the other person to do the same by regulating your own voice.
Step 3: Don't use sarcasm.
Light-heartedness is the best way to reduce tension.Not everything has to be taken seriously.Throw in a joke to make the anger go away.You could say, "Hey, is that actual smoke coming from your ears?" or "Iway eelfay upidstay."
Step 4: Say the magic word.
One of you can call out a magic word if you and your partner or best friend argue about something silly.The magic word should remind you to calm down and not take yourselves so seriously.One of you might shout "Banana!" to diffuse the tension.
Step 5: Agree.
It doesn't have to be that way when disagreements are disagreeing.You aren't likely to disagree with everything they're saying.Agree to shift the tides and reduce tension.You can move towards a resolution if you agree with a good point.Say something like "I'm not having the best day, can we start this conversation over?" if you're having a bad day and not sure where you stand on the issue.
Step 6: Take a break.
It's difficult to be sensible in the heat.Ask for a short break if you're having trouble calming down.If you want to relax, go for a walk or watch a funny video.You might even say, "I need a bathroom break", and then splash some water in your face or glare into the mirror until you've calmed down a bit.
Step 7: Write it down on a piece of paper.
Going back over your premise in a different format can help you see the cracks in your reasoning, as well as helping you spot the common ground between you and the other person.Write your point-of-view down.It doesn't seem like we're getting anywhere like this.We should write down our main points and then share them with each other.
Step 8: You are helping a friend.
Pretend that the argument is happening to a friend.You can use this method to take a step back from your emotional attachment to the situation.How would you advise your friend to end the argument?If it were for a friend, make a course of action.Follow your own advice.
Step 9: Stay with the issue at hand.
It's even harder to safely wade out of the water if you bring up old problems.Try to only talk about the current problem.One of you can say something like, "Let's focus on the problem in front of us first, okay?" if you bring up something from the past.
Step 10: Set a timer.
The final knockout punch for ending an argument is finding a solution after reducing tension and getting perspective.Set a timer to make sure that happens quickly.Aim to resolve things by the time the timer is set.
Step 11: Use "I" statements to get real about your feelings.
You can't see the real issue if you're angry.There are other feelings underneath that anger.Take what you're really feeling with "I" statements and name it.You might say harsh things if you are angry.You don't care about how my actions affect you.I would like to know how the things you do affect me.
Step 12: Be flexible.
Every argument has to end with someone getting their way.Both parties need to be willing to make some compromises.This requires flexibility.Do you think the issue is important to you?Will it matter in 5 years?If the issue is important to the other person, you might agree to disagree or concede.If you and your coworker disagree about who will lead a presentation, ask yourself if you really care.You will lead next time if they agree that they will do it this time.
Step 13: You should be okay with losing.
One or both people are mainly concerned with winning the argument, which is a common problem for people who have recurring arguments.You're more likely to hit below the belt or break the rules of communication if you focus on winning.Be fine with losing the argument if you shift your perspective.If you lose the argument, you haven't jeopardized your ethics for the sake of winning.Losing gives you a chance to learn or grow.Losing also means taking the high road.If your partner fights dirty, you shouldn't.
Step 14: Correctly deal with guilt.
When you get into an argument with someone, you start to feel guilty.This guilt comes up because you believe you did something wrong or that you didn't measure up.You try to relieve your guilt by telling the other person how flawed they are or what they have done wrong.When an argument occurs, immediately pay attention to how you feel and cope with that feeling in a way that doesn't involve hurting your partner.If you want to show compassion for yourself or remind yourself "I am only human," you can softly caress your own shoulder.Changing the way you react to guilt will lower the chance of you lashing out and turning a small disagreement into a big mess.
Step 15: There is a counselor.
You may need a professional to help you build healthier conflict resolution skills if you and another person get into arguments frequently.Ask your loved one to go to counseling with you if you have the courage to admit you need help.I feel like we argue about the same things over and over.I want to see more positive interactions.What do you think about counseling?