When parents divorce, harsh feelings and resentment can lead to parental alienation, in which one parent engages in emotionally manipulated tactics to convince the child that the other parent is not a good person.The targeted parent would do everything they could to stop the abusive behavior and maintain a positive relationship with their child.It can be difficult to get the courts to support you if your former spouse tries to cut you out of your child's life.
Step 1: Don't forget to keep a diary.
If you're not already doing it, keep a daily record of everything that happens with your child, including conversations with the other parent.Your records of what happens can be crucial in proving that parental alienation is taking place, which often means disproving accusations from the other parent.If you don't have time to spend with the child, the other parent may file a motion to modify your parenting plan.Detailed records of the time you and the child have spent together, including tickets to any events or activities, and photographs of you together can help prove that the other parent is trying to hurt your relationship.Take note of any special requests your ex-spouse makes to the court-ordered parenting plan.An alienating parent will often blame you when they don't agree.If there are recurring problems with your parenting time and adherence to the court-ordered schedule, you need a log of activities.It's important to keep in mind that courts differ on how much control a child has to decide if they want to see their non-custodial parent.Courts look at parents who offer their children the option of doing something that is contrary to a court order.If your child says "Dad said I didn't have to come visit you next week if I did not want to," include that in your diary as evidence of possible parental alienation.If you can't communicate with your ex- spouse, try to keep communication in writing.Both of you have a record of what was said.If your ex- spouse tries to argue that you agreed to something when you didn't, then you should save copies of texts or emails.If your ex- spouse is sending you accusing or alienating messages, you should keep records of them in chronological order.
Step 2: There are warning signs.
Changes in your child's attitude can be a symptom of parental alienation.Different types of alienation have their own warning signs.It's important to understand the type of alienation being practiced, since different types often require the use of different strategies to combat the problem.Many parents who engage in alienating behaviors are willing to seek help if they understand how their behavior is hurting their children's development.The symptoms of the syndrome most often found in the child's behavior are parental alienation syndrome.If your child does not like you or doesn't enjoy spending time with you, the conduct may be related to parental alienation.Even if the child lacks a reason for their refusal, an alienating parent may still support it.The child prefers the parent to them.Code words or signals are things that your child may have with the other parent.Your child may refuse to tell you what he did with dad last weekend, or even say "Dad said to keep it a secret."The fact that your ex-husband is instructing your child to keep something from you is evidence of parental alienation, even if what they did was as simple and innocent as going to a baseball game together.
Step 3: Tell your child something.
Keeping open lines of communication is important since the other parent may be trying to get the child to believe that you don't care about them.Make it clear that you care when you listen to what they have to say.If your child parrots what the other parent has said, you should be cautious.If you want to know why your daughter didn't come to visit last Saturday, you could ask her "Mama said you were too busy to spend time with me."If the other parent is accusing you of abusing the child, or planting ideas in the Child's mind that actions of you are abusive, address these allegations immediately and seek professional help for your child.Don't ask probing questions about what your child does at your ex- spouse's house.If your child wants to talk about something they did at dad's house, be willing to listen, but don't try to get damaging information from them.Take your child to a professional if they tell you about something they think is abusive or neglectful.If she feels like she'sattling on her father, your child will probably feel uncomfortable.
Step 4: Enforce all orders.
It's important that your child have time with both parents, even if the other parent tries to interfere with the schedule.Contact your attorney and the court if the other parent violates a custody order.If court orders are not obeyed, there will be consequences.In many states, courts will consider interference with a court-ordered parenting plan to be in violation of the "best interests of a child" standard.If the other parent refuses to give you the child's medical or school records as required by your original order, go to the courts to have the order enforced rather than resorting to self-help.Keeping those records from you may be seen as a sign of parental alienation and doesn't encourage the full involvement of both parents in the child's life.If more problems arise, court records can be used to prove parental alienation.If your ex is not giving you access to documents related to your child's health and well-being, courts will not approve of this.Before you agree to something, research it and consider your ex- spouse's motives.If your ex- spouse is quick to agree to or suggest a loophole in a court document, look for it.State courts often have to consider evidence of parental alienation along with other factors when determining the best interests of a child.The ideal is for a child to have a close and on-going relationship with both parents.One parent trying to cut out the other parent isn't considered to be in the best interests of the child.
Step 5: Ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem.
A guardian ad litem is a court officer who represents your child's best interests and can keep an eye on the other parent.The guardian ad litem can visit the other parent's home to observe their interactions with their child.They will interview both parents and child at the same time and report their findings to the court.
Step 6: Discuss your case with your attorney.
If you have evidence of parental alienation, your attorney can bring it to the court.In the medical sense, parental alienation syndrome is not a true "syndrome" in the sense that it isn't a mental condition within one person.It refers to a type of relationship between the two parents and the child.A diagnosis of "parental alienation syndrome" in your child is not accepted by most courts.The syndrome can't be defined as a mental disorder since it's not included in the most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.The process of determining how parental alienation is affecting your relationship with your child requires court assistance, and won't happen over night.You should alert your attorney if your ex- spouse requests changes to a scheduled visit or if they try to get your child to refuse a visit.While courts expect parenting plans to be flexible and take into account the needs of the parents and the children, one parent constantly attempting to alter the court-ordered plan may be alienating behavior and should be discouraged.
Step 7: The other parent should be deposed.
If your ex- spouse files a motion to modify custody that you believe is motivated by parental alienation, you should conduct a deposition to assess their reasons for the motion and what they hope to gain from it.Ask your attorney if you want to ask questions that may be alienating.If your attorney wants to know if your ex- spouse has ever made negative comments about you to the child, they can ask.An expert witness may be hired to sit in on the deposition or review the transcript to analyze the responses given.Many courts will consider whether a parent has made degrading comments about the other parent or encouraged the child to be disrespectful to the parent.In the course of a deposition, you can ask your ex- spouse about these types of behavior.
Step 8: Discuss your child with other adults on a regular basis.
Your child may mention things around other adults, even if they don't say much to you.It is possible that other family members are contributing to parental alienation.This can happen if the parent feels like they're being taken advantage of.If you asked your husband for a divorce and he didn't want one, he may feel like it's your fault the marriage ended.Even if the things he says about you are not true, his parents or siblings will still believe them.The teacher or coach of the child may be a better source of information than the other parent.The teacher may notice a difference in your child's conduct when she is with you and not with your ex- husband.Teachers, coaches, and religious leaders can be strong witnesses for you when you're trying to prove parental alienation because they have your child's best interests at heart.
Step 9: Correct any false information.
Since alienating parents often lie to turn the child against them, make sure your child and other adults know the truth.If the other adults with whom you speak are more aligned with your ex than with you, this can be difficult.If your ex-husband told your sister that you were an alcoholic, it may be hard for you to convince her to trust you.Alienating parents may encourage an "us against them" mentality, so make sure you have the child's best interests in mind.
Step 10: Take your child to see a psychologist.
Your child's health can also be affected by psychological treatment.Your child might tell a psychologist something that they wouldn't tell you.psychologists are trained to recognize the significance of certain conduct and behavioral patterns that you might not notice.Your child may be more comfortable talking about what the other parent is saying about you than they are telling you.You may be able to get the court to order a psychological evaluation for your child.Find out what the process is in your state by talking to your attorney.Evidence can be found in the psychological examiner's report.If you believe your child is suffering from parental alienation syndrome, your state or local children's services agency can help.Taking your child to a psychologist or psychiatrist in private practice will save you money, but these agencies have resources to help you.You must be able to show that the negative conduct by your ex- spouse is causing harm to your child in order to prove parental alienation.It is possible that testimony from a child psychologist is necessary to prove this harm.
Step 11: Continue your relationship.
To prove the other parent wrong is the best way to fight emotional manipulation.Don't give up on your child's best interests because your ex- spouse is making things difficult.If you stop caring or give in to your ex's demands, your child will notice.You should keep in touch with your family and other people in your community.Encouraging your child to go on play dates or become involved in community activities will strengthen their connection to you in a positive way and can help combat the effects of alienation.
Step 12: Don't have negative interactions with the other parent.
If you get into a fight with your ex-spouse in front of your child, they will confuse you and make you look bad.Don't bring the child into the disagreements you have with the other parent.Your child knows the two of you don't get along.Don't involve your children in these disagreements or make them feel responsible for the problems you're having.
Step 13: Don't make fun of the other parent in front of your child.
Don't engage in the same behaviors as your parents, and remember that parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse.If the other parent is saying similar things about you, these statements can have a lot of consequences.Keep your relationship with your child positive and watch your own behavior, as well as keep your expressions of anger and hurt under control.You should label your emotions.You could say to your child, "I'm very frustrated right now, and I don't want to dwell on it."Let's have fun instead.When your child is not around, deal with difficult emotions.Instead of talking negatively about the other parent, focus on the well-being of your child.Contact law enforcement if you believe that your child is in danger or being abused by the other parent.
Step 14: Talk to your child in an appropriate way.
Children are often told by their parents that they are not old enough to comprehend.Alienating parents may allow the child to make choices that are not mature enough to be made yet.An alienating parent may ask your child to choose one over the other, or imply that they have a choice in whether to comply with the court's visitation order.The child may be asked to secretly gather information against the other parent or used as a witness against their parent.The child shouldn't be involved in your relationship.If your child asks about things the alienating parent has said, be careful not to share information that may be too mature for the child.You can give an honest answer and also explain that you will discuss the subject later.
Step 15: Court orders prohibiting certain conduct should be sought.
If the other parent is engaging in alienating behavior, you can go to court and ask the judge to stop them.If your child's ex- husband doesn't allow her to take her favorite toys with her when she goes over to his house, or if she can only keep gifts you give her, this may be a sign of parental alienation.The court can issue an order prohibiting your ex-husband from keeping your child's things from her.Court orders can be sought to prohibit your ex- spouse from scheduling events or activities that conflict with your schedule, or to allow phone calls at specific times of day.If you're worried about your child's welfare when she visits her ex, you may want to petition the court.The monitor will keep an eye on your ex- spouse's time with your child, but won't interfere with it.