People who know you might be hostile if you came out as lesbian, bisexual, gay, or a related identity.You may be rejected by loved ones, discriminated against at work, or bullied at school.There are steps you can take to protect yourself from violence.Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer people can find allies.Find shelter and help out in the world if you learn your legal protections.Finally, be proud of your self-knowledge and resilience.
Step 1: Enlist support.
You can find allies in your family and community.Talk to people who your parents respect to find out if they are supportive.Do your family and friends know anyone who is gay?You can find relatives who are liberal or open-minded.If you have a conservative family, talk to relatives who are caring.Think about how your family's views have changed to embrace unfamiliar identities.Are any of your parents' in-laws from a different religious, cultural, or ethnic background?Ask the family members for their support and advice.Don't allow your parents to force you into the closet.Don't speak about your orientation or gender identity if they forbid it.You need to talk to find allies.
Step 2: It is important to educate in as many ways as possible.
There is a lot of false information about the LGBT community.Ask your family to look at books, movies, and other media that they can relate to.PFLAG is a support group for families of lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer people.Offer to read.The family members of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people are helped by many organizations.You can find material from the Family Acceptance Project in English, Spanish, and Chinese.PFLAG and the Family Acceptance Project are organizations you can order from.
Step 3: There are suggestions that this is a phase.
Have you heard your parents say "oh this is just a phase" or "I'm sure you'll change your mind?"Denying your sexual orientation is a form of denial.Constantly correct your parents or other people who make these claims if you want to address these comments in an assertive way.It's hard for you to understand my choice and my identity, but it is who I am.I will try to help you understand, but I would like you to stop telling me that I'll change.Don't start arguments when you hear these comments.Only time and experience can change your parents' denial, it has to do with their own belief system.
Step 4: There are religious concerns that need to be addressed.
Talk to your parent's faith leader in private.If there are any lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer people in your family's church, ask for their help.Look for something that will speak to them.If your family practices Islam, there are helpful resources at the PFLAG center for LGBT Muslims.
Step 5: Don't tolerate harassment.
While you are willing to talk to them about their feelings, and are happy to answer questions, you won't take blame, guilt, or gaslighting.Gaslighting is when someone tricks you into believing something you don't know.Let them know that slurs are not acceptable.Say "I know you weren't directing that at me, but saying "that's so gay" about anything implies that being gay is bad."I feel like you're saying that I'm bad.
Step 6: Firm boundaries are set.
Pushback is meant to silence you.It is possible that your loved ones will attempt to stifle your message for their own comfort.They will eventually have to hear what you say.You might say, "I know you are attached to my old name, but it isn't my name anymore."Don't use it.It makes me feel invisible.If you keep calling me by my old name, I will stop visiting you.If you live with your family, your boundaries may have to be more informal.I will not allow you to think that what you are doing is okay.I will go to my room as soon as possible.Don't forget to enforce your boundaries!Follow them once you set them.
Step 7: Stay visible.
Don't let your family deny you who you are.Let them know that you don't want them to act like you never told them anything.If they don't want to talk about it, you need them to acknowledge it so that you can feel like a whole person.If they call you by the wrong name, use pronouns you don't identify with, or engage in other gender-denying practices, put your foot down.Explain that you need them to support you, and that they push an identity that isn't yours.
Step 8: When your family is ready, introduce your partner.
You want your family to accept your loved one, but you don't want to expose them to abuse.Tell your family how much you want them to see your partner.Give them time to get used to the idea that your orientation is not what they had in mind.Explain to your family that you need your partner to be treated like any other in-law, if you and your sweetheart are married or have been living together for years.They should be included in family pictures.Let them know that this hurts you if they don't acknowledge your partner at family events.If you feel like you can, consider taking some space.
Step 9: Talk about your joy.
It is thought by your family that you are doomed to be friendless, loveless and childless.This isn't true, but it's a fear that many parents have.Show them the things that make you happy.You might tell them about the great friends you have made through LGBT groups, mention caring things your partner has done for you, and share the joys of your life.The joys of being gay might be far away if you are younger.You can show your parents the pleasure of your life by showing them your hobbies, such as sports or the arts.
Step 10: Give them a chance.
Don't cut your family out of your life if they physically harm you or abuse you.Give them time to get used to the news.Before they are accepted, your parents may go through shock, denial, anger, and guilt.You can't lie to them if you love them.I need you to know who I am.It hurts me to lie to you.Take care of yourself.Take time away if you need it.Some parents don't achieve full acceptance.Accept the love they can offer is the best you can do.Look for friends who will accept you in the meantime.
Step 11: At work, address hostility.
Keep a log of all the incidents you have had at work.Who said what, and who might have witnessed it, should be written down.Emails, photos, or notes can be saved.Tell the involved party to stop their behavior.Tell your supervisor that you have taken steps to stop the behavior.If you don't feel safe talking to your harasser, go to Human Resources.
Step 12: You can file a complaint.
If your boss doesn't do anything to protect you, or if the harassment is coming from high up in the company, file an official report.You can file with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in the United States.Title VII covers sex discrimination.You have 180 days to file after the harassment.You don't need an attorney to file a complaint.
Step 13: You should keep an eye on your wages.
The salaries of some groups grow more slowly than others.If you think your earnings have been impacted by coming out, talk to your boss.In the United States and Canada, lesbian and bisexual women earn more than heterosexual women, but less in Australia.Trans men experience a slight edge after coming out, while trans women are typically punished by strikingly lowered wages.
Step 14: If you need shelter, find it.
If your living situation has become hostile and dangerous since you came out, you may need to find a new place to live.If you can, start with your family.If you can stay with your relatives, ask them.Talk to the parents of your friends.Ask your teachers and your doctor if you can stay there.Why are your parents kicking you out?You could say that my parents are forcing me to leave because they don't approve of my sexual orientation.They think I'm doing it to hurt them.If that doesn't work, look for a homeless shelter or homeless youth shelter.
Step 15: At school, take care of your safety.
You should find a safe place if you're being punished for being lesbian in school.Inform your teachers and the principal if students bully you.If you just tell one, they might not do anything.Within 180 days of the incident, you should file a complaint with the Office for Civil Rights.The form can be found here: http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/complaintintro.html
Step 16: You can find allies at school.
If your school has an LGBTQ club, you should check it out.Join it!They can help you through the worst times.There are after school programs that include lesbian, gay, and bisexual students.You can try out theater, choir, and other arts activities.See if any of the sports teams have openly gay or trans members.Ask your friends to walk with you if you are being harassed in the halls.If your school has police officers, make friends with them.If anyone is bothering you, let them know so they can keep an eye out.
Step 17: As long as you can pick the counselor, you agree to counseling.
If you live with your family, your parents may want you to go to therapy.When you are dealing with your parent's stress, therapy can be helpful.If you can, avoid gay conversion therapy.It doesn't work and it can be very negative if you agree to any therapy.The American Psychiatric Association strongly condemns any therapy that tries to change gender identity or sexual orientation.If you can pick a therapist, agree to therapy.Ask your parents to see a therapist.If you can't find a therapist that specializes in lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer youth, call your potential psychologist and inquire about their stance on homosexuality.Make an appointment with them if they have a positive answer.Hang up if they say the conditions are choices orcurable.
Step 18: Be safe.
Take care of yourself.Take steps to remove yourself from the power of anyone in your life if you have any reason to fear violence.If you can, look for another place to stay.If you are already vulnerable from coming out, you may be more at risk for intimate partner violence.If you are in danger, seek a shelter.If you are attacked, report it to the police.You should visit a doctor as soon as possible.
Step 19: Practice safe sex.
If you suffer from hostility after coming out, you may engage in risky sexual behaviors.Guard against impulses.Limit the number of sexual partners you have.When you have sex, use condoms and other protection.Don't have more than one drink before sex, and never mix drug use and sex.Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth are more likely to engage in behavior that could lead to unwanted pregnancies, HIV infections and other STDs.When you have sex, use protection.If you have sex without a condom, you should see a doctor.If you are raped, you should visit a doctor and get counseling as soon as possible.
Step 20: Be proud.
You pave the way for future people to come out by coming out.The greatest survival tool we have as a community is visibility.It is an education when someone comes out.You spoke the truth against the forces that would silence you.Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people can get involved in community organizations.Donate your time and money to fight youth homelessness.The law protects lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer people.Keep coming out.You've learned that coming out is a process.
Step 21: Take care of yourself.
It is difficult to deal with pushback.If you are kicked out, it can be traumatic.Take good care of yourself to minimize trauma.There are others who can help care for you.Taking care of yourself is a political act.Get a good night's sleep, eat well, and exercise.You should spend time with people who understand you.Discuss the difficult things that are going on with them.Alcohol and drugs can make traumatic situations worse.
Step 22: You should look for a mental health professional.
There are many positives to embracing your full identity.If you are dealing with rejection at home, school, or work, talk to a mental health professional.If you are under the age of 18 you will need the approval of a therapist to work with some surgeons.If you're having suicidal thoughts, call a support hotline: http://www.itgetsbetter.org/pages/get-help/