How To Respond when Your Preschooler Calls You Names
Most preschoolers go through a name-calling stage.Some kids are looking for attention when they insult others, while others are just parroting what other people say.It's important to respond the right way when your child calls you names.This can encourage bad behavior so don't lose your cool.Make sure you're setting a good example with your own behavior by talking to your child about why name-calling is wrong.
Step 1: Your child's behavior doesn't have to be personal.
Your child's name-calling is about their feelings of powerlessness, not about you.Preschoolers act out because they don't have the skills to find better solutions to their problems.Your child probably doesn't know what the meaning of the words are.They usually repeat what they've heard.It's normal to feel hurt when your child calls you a name, but knowing the real cause of the behavior can help you handle the situation calmly.
Step 2: Take a deep breath.
Before you address your child's name-calling, give yourself a minute to calm down.If you need to, leave the room.When you're angry, don't discipline your child.If you try to discipline your child while you're angry, you will probably just take your feelings out on them, which can be harmful for both of you.Remember that you are in control of your own behavior, if you feel triggered by what they say.Don't let your own feelings affect your child.
Step 3: Speak calmly.
Keeping your tone and body language neutral will show your child that you're in control of the situation.If you're upset, don't raise your voice.
Step 4: The name-calling needs to be addressed.
Tell your child that calling names is not acceptable.Even if you're busy, don't try to ignore the incident.If your child calls you funny or surprising, don't laugh or act shocked.Your child wants to know what happened.They may call you names if you give it to them.Say something like, "Toby and I don't call each other stupid in this house."
Step 5: Your child's emotions should be acknowledged.
To see what's going on with your child, look past the name-calling.Consider if they are upset, angry, or tired.You can show your child that you're on their side by empathizing with them.You could say that you are sad that we have to leave.You were having fun at the playground, right?
Step 6: Explain why name-calling is not right.
Tell your child how you feel.They should be reminded of a time when someone else hurt their feelings by calling them a name.I feel sad when you say that to me.Do you remember when she called you?You felt sad too.
Step 7: Help your child express their feelings in a constructive way.
Give your child new ideas about how to deal with strong feelings.They should be encouraged to name what they are feeling or to do another activity.You could say, "It's okay to tell me that you're angry at me right now."You can play with your trains until you calm down if you're too mad to talk.
Step 8: Positive reinforcement is used.
Don't just pay attention to your child's name-calling, notice their good behavior too.Praise your child when they express their emotions and tell them what you like about their behavior.I'm proud of you telling me how you feel.That was a grown-up of you.
Step 9: It's a good idea to avoid calling names.
Do you call other people names?Work on breaking the habit if you do.If you call your child, other family members, or even strangers names, they will learn that name-calling is an appropriate way to vent frustration, and they'll be confused if you tell them to stop.If you let an unkind name slip, call out your own behavior and apologize.Even though I'm upset, say, "I shouldn't have said that."I apologize.
Step 10: Good conflict resolution skills can be modeled.
Be aware of how you resolve a conflict with someone.Be willing to compromise in order to find a solution.Show your child how to come to an agreement.If you have a good teachable moment in one of your interactions, talk about it with your child.Did you notice that your older sister and I talked to each other earlier?We didn't get mad or call each other names after the disagreement.
Step 11: Tell your child how to deal with strong feelings.
You can use your own emotions to teach your child.Explain what you're going to do about your negative emotions when you feel down about something.Your child can help you come up with ideas to deal with your feelings.I'm going to step outside for a minute so I can calm down after the refrigerator broke.It's important to teach your child self-soothing skills when they are upset.They will get used to being more aware of their feelings if they label them.It is possible to have your child point out their feelings on a mood thermometer.