sertiveness is a way of communicating that is direct and honest, but also respectful.An assertive communicator knows what they want and they are not afraid to ask for it.They don't let their emotions get in the way of their work.Learning assertive communication takes time, but if you practice expressing your needs and expectations, relying on facts instead of blame, and showing respect to others, you can eventually master this powerful form of communication.
Step 1: You should clearly state your needs or expectations.
They tend to hide their needs.When assertive communicators decide on what they want, they directly ask for it or state it.Try to give at least one direct statement when you have the chance.You shouldn't avoid making your own needs known just to accommodate someone else, but you should still be respectful of other people's needs and schedules.Instead of saying, "I would like to speak with you for a few minutes if it isn't too much trouble", tell someone "We need to talk about a plan for our assignment today."Establishing boundaries and expressing needs go hand in hand.Make sure you communicate your boundaries to others.If someone at work keeps bothering you and interfering with your ability to complete tasks, say, "I have a hard time focusing on the tasks I need to do when I am interrupted."If your priorities are not straight in your mind, it may be difficult to articulate them to others.It's important to figure out what you want, need, or think before you say something.
Step 2: You statements should be used instead of "I" statements.
Being assertive means you value your own needs.It doesn't mean being aggressive.In a situation, use "I" statements to express what you want.You statements tend to cast blame and show anger, so try to avoid them.Try saying, "I need better resources to do my job properly and efficiently" instead of "You always make it difficult for me."Don't blame someone else.Blame is more aggressive than assertive.
Step 3: Say no respectfully.
Aggressive communicators can be disrespectful in their rejections, while passive communicators may struggle to say no at all.When they can't do something or accommodate someone, they say no, but they are respectful to others in the process.If you can't take on the task or challenge yourself, offer alternatives.If a client asks you about a project that is beyond your job duties and expertise, tell them, "I know a specialist in another department that may be able to help."It is not necessary to offer an explanation for why you are saying no in order to communicate in an assertive manner.
Step 4: Speak more professionally.
If your speech patterns are not assertive, try to change them.You may find that you talk too fast or speak with a rising tone of voice if you don't know if others will listen to you.These habits communicate uncertainty and are not consistent with assertiveness.Change them in order to be more assertive.
Step 5: Proper body language is used.
Affirmative communication is more than just verbal.Make sure your body language is relaxed and strong.Keeping an upright posture and making eye contact with others are included in this.Try not to stare, eye contact is important.It's natural to blink and look elsewhere.It is possible to come off as aggressive or intimidating if you stare at someone.If you want to have a good posture, hold your shoulders back and keep your back upright.You should not be tense, but you should be aware of your body.Don't close yourself off.Keep your arms and legs straight, and keep your face straight as much as you can.You should be aware of the tension in your muscles.Take deep breaths to relax your muscles.
Step 6: Don't exaggerate for factual statements.
When you are assertive, use facts in everyday conversations to stay on track and avoid confrontation.If you want to cast unnecessary blame, try using factual statements.If you're talking to someone about an assignment you don't want to do, say "I think I'll need to spend a full month preparing for this" instead of "This thing is going to take forever."
Step 7: Your responses should be simple.
People who lack confidence often need to explain themselves.If you want to speak like someone who is unsure, practice using fewer words.Both simplified speech and assertive speech are the same.When asked to go out for happy hour, avoid saying something like, "I can't go tonight, I have to stop by my mother's house to let her dog out, then take my own dog for a walk."Tonight doesn't work for me, but maybe another time soon.Don't make statements that are long, direct, and relevant.If you tend to use a lot of words, try to take small breaks in your speech.A pause is less noticeable to your audience than it is to you, and it doesn't make your speech worse.
Step 8: In advance, rehearse what you want to say.
When you have to speak to someone about a need, concern, or opinion, rehearse what you want to say.Keep calm, speak clearly, and make positive statements.Some people find it helpful to have a practice conversation with a friend or colleague.Ask someone to give feedback if they act out your conversation.Let them tell you where you can improve.Some pre-scripted answers will work in multiple situations if you are uncomfortable with making decisions on-the-spot.I need to consult with my spouse, I will get back to you, but I already have a commitment.
Step 9: Take a moment to reflect on your daily interactions.
Think about your interactions with others at the end of the day.If you want to improve for situations in which you were not assertive, offer yourself praise in areas where you did well.Where did you show assertive communication?Did you have the chance to be assertive that you missed?Did you come off aggressive when you tried to be assertive?
Step 10: Clarify others' feelings.
You need to listen thoroughly when you speak assertively.You should show the people you are speaking to that you understand their feelings.You do not need to agree with them, but show them that you are listening and willing to work together.Let someone know that you're concerned about the cost of the product.The initial cost will be offset by the time it saves us in preparing our reports.
Step 11: Don't let your emotions get the best of you.
The calm and confident qualities of assertive speech can be offputting to other people if they burst into anger or cry.Try to keep your emotions in check while you are working.Don't use profanities or inappropriate language.If you feel a swell of anger or tears coming on, take a deep breath from the stomach and count to 3 between each inhale and exhale.Continue until you feel calm.Take a break if you can't calm down.Asking to be excused will allow you to step away from the situation and regain self-control.
Step 12: When someone fails to accommodate you, clearly state consequences.
If your negative emotions are in response to someone violating your boundaries or disrespecting your requests, respectfully end the relationship or refuse to deal with them.Try to keep your opinions out of your reasoning.You could say, "I have respected that you need to be home by 8:00 p.m. to take care of your kids, but many times you have failed to do so."We will not be able to spend time together if you don't respect my wishes.
Step 13: When someone helps you, express gratitude.
Let them know you're thankful if someone else has done something for you.Either written or in person, give them a genuine thanks.When they express their needs or concerns, make sure you return the favor by listening openly and honestly.I know it was hard for you to give up your weekend to finish that project.You put in a lot of effort.We wouldn't have been able to do it without you.I will do all I can to help you if you let me know next time you are leading a project.
Step 14: Someone could be given an alternative to problematic behavior.
Sometimes someone will do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, whether you're in the office or out with your friends.If you want to suggest an alternative, use assertive communication.Don't say "I wish I had more pens, but someone keeps taking mine" when your co-worker takes supplies from your desk.This approach is passive.When you take my supplies, I get frustrated because it affects my ability to do my job correctly.From now on, I'd like you to request your own pens.If you don't know where to get them, I can show you where the supply room is.
Step 15: Follow through with action with aggressive solicitors if you state your needs.
Aggressive telemarketers on the street can be hard to shake.Follow through with direct action if you use assertive communication to tell them what you need.If a telemarketer won't stop calling, stop them before they get to their sales pitch and let them know, "I know you are doing your job, but I am not interested in your product."I want to be removed from your list.If you call me again, I will escalate this situation.Write down the name and number of the person or company that called you.You can report the company to the FCC if they call again.You can block the phone number or ignore the call.
Step 16: Asking for what you really want is a good way to use assertive communication skills.
Ask your boss for a raise and you can use assertive communication.Let that person know what you want.Stay open to conversation, but be firm.If you want to ask for a raise, tell your boss, "I'd like to discuss a salary increase."My metrics consistently perform better than everyone else in the department and I want my hard work reflected in my paycheck.My goal is to increase it by 7%.Is this something we can do?Give the other person a chance to respond.It's easy to lose the thing you want if you demand.