It is normal to be jealous from time to time.When jealousy gets out of control, it can ruin relationships.It is time to take action if you can't move past your own feelings of jealousy or if your partner's jealousy is causing problems between you.If you and your partner are willing to work together, you can overcome jealousy.
Step 1: Do you think your worries make sense?
It's a reaction to fear or anxiety.Think about where your jealousy is coming from and try to see it logically.Do you jump to conclusions about your partner?Do you have unrealistic expectations about how they should act in a relationship?If a previous partner used that as an excuse when they were unfaithful to you, you might get upset whenever your SO works late.Do I have any reason to think the same thing is happening now?Is there any evidence that they are cheating?Do you want your partner to be respectful and honest with you?It might be time to rethink the relationship if it isn't working.
Step 2: Resist the urge to act on those thoughts.
There is no way to prevent jealous thoughts and feelings from happening.If you notice these thoughts and allow them to happen, you can make them less powerful.Imagine the jealous thoughts flowing through you, just think to yourself, "I'm feeling jealous again," or "There's another one of those insecure thoughts."Don't try to force them to leave.Take a deep breath and imagine them being carried off into the distance until they disappear.Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or private document on your computer.Writing down your worries can make them feel less urgent.If you feel jealous, don't try to spy on your partner, or go through their phone for evidence, they will just create more tension and hard feelings in your relationship.
Step 3: Brainstorming ways to deal with your triggers.
Certain situations or thoughts can set off jealousy from a place of insecurity.Write down your feelings and thoughts when you feel jealous.Patterns can help you understand the underlying issues behind jealousy.You might get jealous if you see your SO talking to someone attractive.If you notice that you have thoughts like, "I will never be that good-looking", this might mean that the source of your jealousy is actually insecurity about your own attractiveness, not anything your SO is doing.If you have an idea of what is causing the jealousy, you can address it by challenging unrealistic or negative thoughts about yourself.
Step 4: It's possible to keep jealousy from damaging your relationship.
Jealousy can cause a lot of feelings.You should look for ways to relax and soothe yourself instead of taking those feelings out on your partner.If you feel jealous, try meditating.A good way to notice and deal with jealousy is by meditating.Going for a walk.A creative project is being worked on.Talking to someone who supports you.A favorite TV show or movie is being watched.Peaceful music is being listened to.
Step 5: Let your partner know that you're not happy with something.
Make sure to do it in a gentle way.Explain why you feel the way you do and ask for assurance that everything is okay between you.If they start to feel less secure, ask them to do the same.It will be easier to offer reassurance or talk about ways to address the problem if you know what the other is feeling.Sometimes I feel a little uneasy when you spend so much time texting your coworker.If you're worried about your partner's jealousy, don't hesitate to let them know.Say, "I feel really uncomfortable when you keep calling while I'm out with my friends."When they respond, listen to what they have to say and make an effort to understand it.Even if you disagree, don't interrupt or try to downplay what they're saying.
Step 6: You should focus on yourself when you talk about jealousy.
Your partner will be more likely to listen if you make them feel less defensive.If your partner is jealous, instead of saying, "You're always looking at other women!", try something like "I felt really sad and insecure when I saw you look at her that way."If you want to cut me some slack, try something like, "I get really uncomfortable when you grill me about what I've been doing at work."Can you give me the benefit of the doubt?
Step 7: If you feel like lashing out, you should step away from the conversation.
It's easy to get angry when you're jealous, but reacting in anger won't resolve anythingThey won't be at ease if they snap at their partner.If you talk to your partner about jealousy, look at it as a conversation rather than a fight.If you feel like your temper is getting out of hand, take a break and try again later.I don't want this to turn into a big argument, and I think we're both starting to get tense.I am going to clear my head by walking.Take 3 deep, slow breaths if you are having trouble calming down in the moment.Try to count to 10 backwards or focus on something you can feel, see, smell, or hear.
Step 8: You can build trust with compassion and empathy.
It is often irrational to be jealous.It can be hard to understand where your partner is coming from if they are jealous.It can be hard to understand your SO's behavior if you're the one feeling jealous.If you can imagine the situation from their point of view, you might be able to change your behavior.Do you know where your jealous partner's feelings are coming from?Is there a bad experience in a past relationship?Have you ever lied to them or hid something?Think about how your behavior shows up to your partner.Are you always watching them or grilling them about what they have been doing?If they did the same thing to you, how would you feel?
Step 9: If you don't agree with your loved one's feelings, acknowledge them.
To show compassion, you don't have to go along with everything your sweetheart says.You can tell them that you care by simply knowing how they feel.Let them know that you want them to do the same for you.Say something like, "I know you're anxious when I'm out late, and I get it."If you struggle with jealousy, say something like, "I realize that it gets on your nerves when I keep asking questions like this."I hope you will be patient with me while I work through my feelings.
Step 10: It is possible to reduce insecurity with honesty and trustworthy behavior.
Everything you do is up to you.Being open with each other will help keep jealousy at bay.If you do make a mistake, be prepared to own up and be open about your feelings.You can both agree on some accountability ground rules if you talk to your partner.If you are going to be out late or check in occasionally, you might promise to call each other.Even if you think the truth might upset your partner, don't lie about it.You can help them see that they can trust you to tell the truth by setting a good example with your honesty.Expectations can be set about how you and your sweetheart act with other people.You can agree not to follow exes on social media or make flirtatious comments to other people.
Step 11: Clear expectations for how you will behave.
Trust and transparency are important, but you and your partner also deserve respect and personal space.Think about what kind of behavior you will not tolerate from your SO, and ask them to do the same.Be respectful, but also firm.You could say, "I'm just going out to have a couple drinks with my friends from out of town."I will call you when I get to the bar, but I can't keep texting all night.Ask them to do the same thing for you.
Step 12: There is less room for jealousy in a relationship.
You can find time to do fun things together, have deep conversations, or just hang out in the same space while you both work on something.You will both feel secure in the relationship if you have more positive interactions.It can be hard to find one-on-one time when you are both busy.If you can, try to do something together at least once a week.When you aren't doing anything special together, look for ways to show your appreciation.Take a moment to thank them for something nice they did, or give them a kiss or squeeze their shoulder, and leave a note to say "I love you."
Step 13: It is possible that jealous behaviors can become toxic or abusive.
It is normal for jealousy to happen.It can become really harmful if it gets out of hand.Take a good, honest look at your partner.You should have a serious talk with your partner if you see any warning signs.If they aren't willing to listen or work with you, it may be time to move on.If you feel like your partner tries to control who you spend time with, it may be a problem.Your partner is expected to check in with you constantly.You and your SO are suspicious of one another and refuse to give each other the benefit of the doubt.One of you is possessive or gets angry easily.One or both of you want to look at the other person's emails or texts.
Step 14: You should be able to get outside help.
It can be difficult to work through trust and communication breakdown in a relationship on your own.If jealousy is putting a huge strain on your relationship and nothing seems to be helping, talk to your loved one about seeing a counselor.An experienced and objective therapist can help you understand what is causing the problem and find healthy ways to work through it.If your partner doesn't want to go to therapy with you, consider going on your own.You can still learn how to deal with jealousy, cope with your partner's behavior or decide if it is time to move on.It is helpful to speak to a close friend or family member about what you are going through.It can be helpful to talk to someone sympathetic and get an outside perspective.