Depending on your age, location, and culture, swearing could be a socially acceptable part of your daily language.Many people swear when they're upset, while others may use profanity without even realizing it.You may need to work together to help your partner break their bad habit if they are swearing and upsetting you or setting a bad influence on other family members.
Step 1: It's a problem if you don't address it first.
You've been dating for a while and your partner has held back on swearing, but now that you're comfortable in the relationship they have suddenly started swearing.Maybe your partner has always swore, and you've dealt with it as best you could.It's important to talk to your partner about your bad habit as soon as possible.You'll grow resentful if you wait.Some researchers refer to a partner's bad habits in a relationship as "social allergies", because they can lead to annoyance, resentment, and even disgust.If your partner's language is a significant problem to you, or if you believe it may become more of a problem for you in the future, you owe it to have an honest and straightforward discussion.The sooner you address it, the better it will be for you and your relationship.
Step 2: You should be kind and understanding.
It is possible that your partner has learned to swear.Many people are exposed to language that is offensive, but they don't see it as offensive.It's important to remember that your partner loves you and does not engage in this habit to hurt or upset you.Let your partner know that you love them and don't resent them for who they are.You need to be upfront and communicate to them in no uncertain terms that their behavior upsets you.If you discount your partner's feelings or lapse into judgmental behavior, this may cause more tension in the relationship."I" statements are used to convey that your partner's behavior upsets you."I" statements address the way you feel about the behavior and tend to communicate anger, accusation, or frustration."I love you and I'm not trying to judge you, but your language is a problem for me, so instead of saying 'Your Language is awful and you're unpleasant to be around,' say something less cruel and less absolute."
Step 3: Tell what you want.
Problematic behavior is not enough to point out.Let your partner know what you want them to do instead.Giving criticism without direction or guidance may make your partner feel like they're being picked on.Ask your partner to give honest feedback about what you would like them to do instead.Agree to a progression.Some language patterns, like swearing while in pain, may be more difficult for your partner to break, so it's important to curb casual swearing first.When your partner is upset, work on their swearing.The last step will be to eliminate swearing in response to an injury or shock.
Step 4: You should be willing to compromise.
If your partner is willing to stop swearing in front of you but wants to keep swearing when they're with friends or family, don't be upset.If you want your partner to change how they interact with friends, coworkers, or relatives, remember that swearing may be a social "language" for them.Inform your partner of your expectations and concerns.Through this entire process, dialogue is important.It can quickly lead to arguments and feelings of resentment if you and your partner don't communicate the same things.
Step 5: Concrete goals should be developed.
It would be unreasonable to expect your partner's behavior to change overnight.You should have a conversation with your partner about how you will measure their success in the effort to stop swearing.To make S.M.A.R.T., talk to your partner about your expectations and how you will mark their progress and eventual accomplishment of the goal.Specific, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound are some of the goals.Incremental goals can be set.Don't expect change to happen in a day or two, but give your partner a realistic time frame to make progress.If you want to focus on negotiations instead of demands, ask your partner what a reasonable time frame would be.
Step 6: You can find ways to motivate your partner.
Try to meet them halfway if your partner is willing to work on controlling their language.Try to find out what makes them happy or motivate them on a day-to-day basis, and try to be their supporter rather than their critic.What would keep your partner motivated?Getting takeout from a favorite restaurant or going out with friends after work could help keep them motivated and on a progress schedule.
Step 7: Try to come up with alternative words.
One way to reduce swearing is to give your partner alternative words.You can come up with nonsensical words that will help replace your partner's language.Even though you try to control your partner's swearing, they still need to say things.A fun bonding exercise is to come up with nonsensical words.
Step 8: Put a swear jar together.
A swear jar can be used to create consequences for swearing without actually punishing your partner.Ask your partner to put a dollar in a jar when they swear.While you help your partner achieve their goals, and only once they have met whatever goals you've set together, you can use the money for a fun night out.A swear jar can act as a sort of motivation over time.Your partner will realize that money won't be spent on a fun date night until they stop swearing, which may give them the push they need, as more money accumulates.
Step 9: There are ways to increase their awareness.
Sometimes your words or a discontent expression on your face aren't enough, and your partner may need gentle reminders whenever they slip up and swear.To help your partner break their bad habit is to help them find ways to increase their own awareness of what they say, and to work together to make them more aware of their words.Ask your partner to wear a rubber band.To remind them to snap the rubber band when they slip up, tap your wrist.You can use a dry erase board to record swear words.Ask them to write down their swear words.This can be used to see if your partner's swearing is improving.
Step 10: Understand your partner's triggers.
Every bad habit has a reason.When your partner is upset, scared, stressed out, or frustrated, they may indulge in swearing just as a smoker might have an extra cigarette.One way to support your partner is to learn what sets off their swearing and help them become aware of it.Don't address swearing during a moment of anger or frustration as this may cause your partner to get angry with you or to escalate their anger at the situation at hand.Wait until they're calm, and then talk to your partner about how certain situations seem to set them off.They may not be aware of it.
Step 11: Resist punishment and anger.
Some people think punishing a person will curb their bad behavior.Getting angry or punishing your partner will only make them frustrated and could cause them to feel resentful.Instead of focusing on punishing your partner, focus on celebrating their accomplishments, no matter how small or minor they seem to you.Progress is often marked by a series of small victories and setbacks.Help your partner the best you can by being patient.
Step 12: Good behavior will be rewarded.
Praise and celebrate when your partner avoids swearing in a heated moment or goes a duration of time without swearing.It will make them feel good and give them motivation to keep going.Once the goal has been met, don't just give a big reward.If you want your partner to feel supported, you should offer small goals along the way.
Step 13: Don't be impatient.
The bad habit is not going to change overnight.It may take months or even years to break a habit if your partner has grown up with it.Staying patient with your partner is the best thing you can do in the meantime.Change your mindset to develop patience.Don't see your partner's slip ups as an indication of failure or a lack of effort on your part.Continue to offer support when your partner is trying.No matter how small their accomplishments are celebrated.It takes time and patience to change.During times of change and struggle, your partner needs your support more than ever.