People are sometimes insulted by others.People make fun of each other.Sometimes people don't even know that their words are cruel, but there are times when they do.There are a number of things you can do to help you cope if you have been hurt by someone.
Step 1: Don't speak to the person in public.
Privately addressing the individual who insulted you is beneficial.It is best to speak privately in order to keep the situation from getting out of hand.Before speaking with the individual, take a deep breath, and calmly ask the person to speak with you in private.Inform the person that you didn't appreciate his insult, and what action you'll take if it happens again.You might say, "I felt hurt and insulted when you called me stupid."I want you to speak in a way that is respectful to me.I don't want you to call me names.I will file a formal complaint with HR if it happens again.The problem can be addressed by briefly addressing it.You could say that the statement was completely uncalled for.If it happens again, I will no longer invite you to family gatherings.
Step 2: Do you know the intent behind the insult?
Asking what is at the heart of the insult is an effective way to respond to an insult.Asking the individual what led her to make the comment is a good way to do this.The person is forced to accept personal responsibility for her words and actions because you are getting the individual to personally reflect on the root causes of her actions.It is important to focus on the intent behind the insult and not the words that were said.Can you help me understand what's happening here?You could take a guess at the underlying feeling of insult by asking, "What happened to cause you to want to hurt me by insulting me like that?"I would prefer that you stick to the topic rather than resorting to personal insults, because I understand that we don't agree on this topic and that upsets you.
Step 3: The boundaries should be set.
Communication boundaries are important when dealing with people who insult.Sometimes it is necessary to say what the person is allowed to talk about.You may need to set boundaries for when the person should speak with you.If you are dealing with a coworker who tends to insult you, you could tell him to stop.I would like to engage in professional conversation at all times in the office.
Step 4: Don't use sarcasm.
It is possible to respond to an insult with humor.It gets others on your side, weakens the insult, and reduces the tension in the situation.Next time someone puts you down, consider using humor.The power of the insult might be lessened if you exaggerate or extend the put down.If someone insulted you with a comment about your ears being big, you could say, "Oh yes."It was a reference to Little Miss Riding Hood.
Step 5: You can laugh.
Laughing at an insult can be very powerful.Laughter makes the insult seem insignificant and it also shows that you weren't hurt by it.The emotional power that the person was hoping to gain from putting you down was taken away.
Step 6: Agree with someone.
Bullies want a reaction or disagreement from you to cause them pain.Instead of giving the bully what she wants, give her the surprise by agreeing with the things she said to insult you.Say something like, "You are right."I kept agreeing as she continued her insult.She will get bored if you don't respond.
Step 7: Walk away from the bully.
The person is trying to get you to engage in a negative way.You are ignoring the insult and the individual by walking away.Next time someone says something bad, try to walk away.As you walk away, you can give a brief comment.If your spouse said, "You are such a slob," you response could be "Okay" and then walk away.
Step 8: Don't return an insult.
Don't respond to an insult with your own, it's tempting and second-nature.You are brought down to the same level as the insulter.The person who initiated the attack is as much a problem as you are.Choose to ignore or even acknowledge the insult.Your message is that her insult was insignificant and powerless.
Step 9: You can hide your pain from the insulter.
The hurt and pain that a bully has inflicted on his victim is something that he really wants to see.You should not give a bully the pleasure of seeing your pain.Doing so shows that his insult worked as he planned.Keep a smile on your face and tell yourself, "I will not allow this person to see my pain."
Step 10: The insult should not be internalized.
The insult is not about you but about the other person.Bullies try to make others feel bad in order to feel better about themselves.You aren't defined by someone else's opinion of you.If you find yourself replaying harmful words in your mind, replace them with positive thoughts or words.If someone insulted you by calling you ugly, tell yourself, "I am beautiful both inside and outside."
Step 11: Do not react without thinking first.
It is possible to blurt out the first comment that comes to mind or to quickly put up your middle finger, but think before you respond.Take a deep breath and count down from 10 to one.You will have enough time to be in control of your emotions.
Step 12: Allow yourself to be upset.
If you feel hurt after being insulted, it is normal.Allow yourself to feel the hurt.When someone has hurt you, it's important to acknowledge and accept it.Take the time to privately deal with your pain.Try not to think about it.If you find that you are struggling to get over your hurt feelings, talk to someone you trust.It might allow you to finally move on, as this will help you vocalize your feelings.
Step 13: Take a moment to reflect on your response.
There are a number of ways you can respond to an insult.You might feel resentful towards the person who insulted you, for example.You could have responded with an insult or tears.Take some time to think about why you reacted the way you did.If you recall that the insult made you so angry that you couldn't think clearly, take some time to reflect on why.Why did I feel so angry and enraged?Was it embarrassment of the insult or was it unwarranted?
Step 14: Consider if the insult is valid.
It is helpful to consider a few things when you are insulted.Think about who the insult came from, why it happened, and if it's true.If the insult came from someone you respect, it makes sense to consider it.If you were insulted by someone who you don't respect, it makes sense to not consider the validity of the insult.Take time to reflect on what your mother said when she said, "Stop being lazy and try keeping a job past 30 days."The statement is not an insult but the truth if you quit your third job in six months and are now unemployed.You can use that truth to improve yourself.
Step 15: If you're at fault, apologize.
It can be hard to admit you are deserving of someone's words.It takes courage to admit and offer an apology when you are at fault; however, you must acknowledge and admit to your mistakes so you can be a better person.When you call your brother two days after he was in a serious car accident, he calls you a callous human being for choosing to attend a party instead of visiting him in the hospital.It would be a good idea for you to say, "I am deeply sorry for my selfishness and not putting you first when you really needed me the most."I hope you will forgive me.