If you have a dismissed avoidant partner, you should deal with it.
It can be difficult to feel like your partner is pulling away.You might feel like you need to try harder to get them to love you, or that you're doing something wrong.The reason may have nothing to do with you.The attachment style of your partner may go back to when they were children.Luckily, there are things you can do to help them feel more secure.
Step 1: People seem detached when they are avoidant.
A person who avoids attachment tends to feel that no one will ever be there for them.The person didn't have a very nurturing childhood.They learned as a child to be very withdrawn, and they carry that same defensive attitude into their relationships later in life.People with this attachment style want to be in a relationship, but they have a hard time showing that they are close to others.They may look down on people who need an emotional connection.If you notice, your partner will go long periods without texting or calling you, and they may have a hard time expressing their emotions.If they feel you let them down, they might project their fear of disappointment onto you.
Step 2: Allow yourself to be compassionate with yourself.
It can make you feel lonely if you have a partner who ignores you.You should be willing to admit to yourself that you feel this way.Sometimes naming your feelings to yourself can make you feel more in control of them.It can give you an idea of what you need from your partner.You might feel frustrated because you aren't getting what you need from the relationship, and confused about what your partner really wants, especially if they're warm and charming at first, but then pull away as you get closer.
Step 3: When they quit, don't chase after them.
A person who is avoiding being hurt might need a lot of time to themselves.The room they need to sort through their feelings will make them feel a lot closer to you.Sometimes physical proximity can make a person uncomfortable.They may be unsure how to deal with intimacy, so try not to take their distance personally.
Step 4: You should spend time doing things you enjoy.
If you rely on your partner to help you fill your time, they will feel like you're too dependent on them.Make time for your friends, interests, and hobbies.If your partner needs a little extra time alone, you won't just be sitting at home bored and waiting for them to call.It helps if you're more self-sufficient that you don't have to worry about your partner being your emotional support system.This can make an avoidant person more attracted to you.
Step 5: If something isn't working, set boundaries.
Let your partner know what you need in a calm voice.Inform them what you would like them to do, not just complain about what they aren't doing.They're not left guessing what you want with clear examples.If you feel confused when you don't hear from your partner for a week at a time, let them know that you want them to call or text you at least once a day.If you're upset, give yourself some time to calm down.If you're showing strong emotions, your partner may have a hard time communicating with you.If your partner feels like you're trying to control them, be open to compromise.
Step 6: Don't tell them what to do.
People who are shy tend to feel alone and have a hard time opening up.Don't feel like you need to fix their problems for them when they talk to you about something.It's best to let them ask for advice.It's important to help your partner feel more secure around you, but this is a good approach to take with everyone in your life.Although it might seem like they don't need anyone, people with this attachment style usually want to be loved and accepted by others.Support the decisions that your partner makes.
Step 7: Don't be afraid to build trust.
Someone who's avoidant is always expecting to be let down.They have dealt with a lot of disappointment in the past and it can take a long time for them to trust someone new.Do your best to keep your promises, and be willing to put in the time to show them that you will do the things you say you'll do.Pick up the dry cleaning when you say you will, and show up on time to dates.This will help your partner see that you can trust bigger things.
Step 8: Don't change them.
Keep in mind that your partner's experiences up to this point have shaped them into who they are, so asking for what you need is fine.Even if they eventually become more comfortable with being intimate, they will always need more space than other people.An avoidant person might not be right for you if you really need your significant other to be warm and loving.If you're able to build a trusting, secure relationship with your partner, they'll likely become more comfortable with you over time.You have to be patient and allow them to come around on their own.
Step 9: You can do physical activities with each other.
Emotions can be overwhelming for an avoidant.Early on, they might be uncomfortable with things like intense romantic dinners.Try to find things to do that will occupy your mind and body.This will help them relax and feel closer to you.Hiking, going on bike rides, painting, playing, or building something together are good activities.
Step 10: The focus should be on the positive.
Point it out if your partner does something that makes you feel appreciated.You don't have to make a big deal about it, but by celebrating the good things, you will make it easier for them to know what you're looking for, and they'll start to be more comfortable doing those things in the future.You could say, "I really appreciate you moving your schedule around so we can have dinner together."Thanks!Don't point out what they could have done better if they do not get it right.They'll be less likely to repeat their behavior if you mix praise and criticism.
Step 11: Talk to a therapist if you have any questions.
Learning about attachment styles can be eye-opening in a relationship.A couple's counselor can help you understand how to communicate with each other and make sure you both feel valued in the relationship.Reasonable boundaries can be set with the help of a therapist.Couple's counseling is more than just for failing relationships.It can be used to get closer to your partner.It's important to find a therapist who specializes in attachment therapy.