It is important to communicate effectively with a teen.
Teenagers can seem difficult to communicate with, but there are ways to get through.If your teen does not respond well when you try to talk with them, you might want to try some different strategies to see if it helps.If you make small changes to the way that you listen to your teen, invite conversations, and deal with difficult problems, you may be able to communicate more effectively in the future.
Step 1: Tell your teen that you're willing to listen.
When there is a problem or when they need to talk to someone, your teen may not know if they can turn to you.If you say something like, "I am here if you ever want to talk", your teen will know that you are willing to listen.If your teen seems to be struggling with something, you might remind them that they can always talk to me.
Step 2: Listen closely.
Listening actively means being available to listen.Active listening shows the speaker that you are listening to them.Eliminating distraction is one of the things you can do to be an active listener.Making eye contact with your teen.Nodding your head and making neutral statements, such as "Yes," "I see," and "Go on." Rephrasing what your teen says now and then to show you are listening.If you need clarification, ask for it.If your teen tells you about something that happened between her and her friend Sarah and she has more than one friend named Sarah, you might ask, "Sarah B. or Sarah H.?"
Step 3: There is a reserve judgment.
If you judge your teen for what he or she says, they may decide not to open up to you in the future.It's best to not make judgements about what your teen shares with you.If your teen confides in you that she is thinking about asking someone she likes to the prom, you should not use this as an opportunity to say that you think she could do better.Your teen is not going to change her mind if you don't approve.If your teen confides in you that she has committed a crime, is being bullied at school, or is feeling suicidal, you should reserve judgement.It is normal to be upset and worried if your teen shares something with you.It's not going to help if you tell your teen what to do.
Step 4: Accept some quiet time.
Sometimes your teen won't feel like talking to you right away.Teens need to calm down before they can talk about what's going on.Pushing too hard to get your teen to talk can make things worse.If you push too hard, your teen may not want to talk at all.If your teen doesn't respond right away, you may need to learn how to say less and be patient.Say something like, "Hello honey" instead of asking your teen lots of questions when they walk in the door.I hope you had a good day.Let me know if you feel like telling me about it.If your teen wants to talk, go about your business and allow him or her to.
Step 5: Comments must be brief.
Talking for a long time can seem like a lecture to your teen, so try not to make lengthy comments or offer extensive advice.Keep your comments short and to the point.If your teen wants to know why they can't have a later curfew, you might say, "I know that you enjoy spending time with your friends, but 10pm is the curfew that we agreed on because you have obligations in the morning."We can discuss a later curfew in a few months, but I think we should stick with the curfew that we agreed on.
Step 6: A narrative for a team.
It is possible to improve communication by helping your teen see themselves as part of a team.You can tell a story about an injustice or major obstacle that someone in your family overcame to create a team narrative.Projects can be used to engage your teen with the family.You can involve your teen in things like decorating the family room or planning a family vacation.
Step 7: You can use technology to engage your teen.
You may be able to use social media to connect with your teen now and then, even though it is not a good idea to follow their every move.If you know that your teen is interested in a news story, you could share it on their Facebook wall or respond to the photo they posted.Look for occasional opportunities to engage with your teen through social media if you know what they use most often.Don't get involved in online conversations with your teen.Don't use social media to spy on your teen.
Step 8: You should respect your teen's privacy.
Teens need more privacy as they transition from childhood to adulthood.If your teen seems reluctant to share something, it is a good idea to avoid talking with him.If your teen goes on a date, don't ask for a play-by-play description.They seemed like a nice person.I hope you had a good time.
Step 9: Be a calming presence.
If your teen is upset, you should mirror his or her distress.If you want to help your teen stay calm, try to be a calming presence.Put some distance between yourself and your teen.You should not internalize your teen's problems to the point that you are reacting the same way as he is.Take some time to calm yourself if you are upset with your teen or distressed about something they are going through.This could make matters worse if you overreact to the things your teen shares.Go for a quick walk, do some deep breathing, and meditate for five minutes before you talk to your teen.
Step 10: Positive statements can be made more positive.
When you have to correct your teen on something, make sure you make more positive statements than negative ones.If your teen is getting a bad grade, you can mention her accomplishments in extracurricular activities or point to her good grades first.You could say something like, "Your report card is pretty impressive!"You got an A in English and History, a B in Math, and an B+ in Biology.We should probably work out a plan to get that grade up because it seems like the only class that you are not doing well in is Physical Education.What do you think?
Step 11: You should learn all sides of the story.
It can lead to a breakdown in communication if you jump to conclusions before your teen has a chance to speak.If you ask your teen if there is anything else you should know about, you will be in a better position to respond to the situation.If your teen has gotten into trouble at school, you might start by saying something like, "You math teacher called me this morning and said that you were disrespectful to her in class today."She wasn't trying to get you into trouble.I think she is worried about you.I am worried as well.Is there anything else I should know about the situation?
Step 12: Ask questions to find solutions.
It is best to avoid questions that can lead to a hostile environment between you and your teen.Asking "trap" questions can cause your teen to be deceptive.A trap question is one that you already know the answer to, but you might still ask to see if your teen will tell the truth or lie.If you know that your teen lied to you about where she stayed the night, a trap question would be, "Did you have a fun time staying over at Julie's house last night?"She knows that she will be in trouble.Don't ask trap questions with your teen.If you know that your teen lied about where she was, say something like, "I talked to Julie's mom last night and I know you did not sleep over."I don't know why you lied, but I think we should talk about it.We don't have to talk about it right away if you're not feeling up to it.When you are both calm and know that your teen lied about something, you want to discuss it in a reasonable way.
Step 13: Help solve the problem.
Difficult conversations can be used to teach your teen how to solve problems.If you want to teach problem solving skills to your teen, you need to talk them through their options.Discuss all of the options with your teen.Make a list of pros and cons.Ask your teen questions to understand the problem.Allow your teen to make the final decision.The outcome can be used as a learning opportunity.
Step 14: If communication has broken down, seek counseling.
If you haven't been able to have a conversation with your teen despite attempts to improve communication, then you should seek counseling.You can learn strategies to improve your communication and work towards a better relationship if you go through counseling with your teen.You can consider individual counseling for yourself and your teen.You and your teen may need individual counseling to deal with issues that aren't related to your relationship.