It's a good idea to reconcile with divorced parents.
Your emotions will likely be affected by your parents' separation.It will affect a lot of things in your life, like holiday planning and day-to-day logistics.You should know that the emotions you are feeling are natural.Anger, sadness, anxiety, and even guilt may arise, as well as other less predictable emotions.Taking care of yourself is more important than maintaining positive relationships with your parents.
Step 1: Don't get drawn into their conflict.
It is important that you are comfortable with your parents after their divorce.One of the most important aspects of maintaining a positive relationship with your parents is not siding with one of them over the other.If your parents try to get you to agree with them about how they view their divorce, remind them that it's their relationship and their discussion.If one of your parents starts to act like they are jealous of you spending time with your other parent, tell them to stop.Say something like, "I intend to maintain a positive relationship with both of you, and you need to allow me to do so."
Step 2: Take care of boundaries.
Hopefully, your parents won't try to pit you against each other.You may know that one or both of your parents rely on you for emotional support.This can be difficult to experience and to recognize.If you find yourself consoling a parent often, think about who else they can talk to.If they have siblings or close friends that they could talk to, reach out to them and ask them to contact your parent.It may seem odd to seek help for a parent, but it's likely in their best interest.Don't allow your parents to act like their happiness is your responsibility.Say something like, "I want you to be happy and I will support you as much as I can, but I also need to take care of myself."
Step 3: Tell your parents that you need help.
Your parents are also people.When they have always been the ones taking care of you, it can be disconcerting to know that they sometimes struggle with intense emotions.This realization can be traumatic and contribute to your own growth.Ask your parents to see a counselor or therapist if they are having a hard time.Tell them that a counselor knows how to help them through a divorce.Make sure that you do not start to take on the role of a counselor for your parents, such as listening to them complain, being a shoulder to shoulder, by saying something like, "a therapist can also give you pointers to help ease the stress you're feeling."If you find that you are taking on this role, then ask your parents to get in touch with a counselor as soon as possible.It can have negative emotional effects on you if you have a bad relationship with your parent.If your parent continues to rely on you for emotional support, then talk to another adult, such as an aunt, grandparent, or teacher.
Step 4: Discuss your future with yourself.
After recovering from the shock of your parents divorce, you will begin to realize that your life will be different in the future.If you are still living with one of your parents, this is even more true.In the short and long term, you should ask your parents questions about your future.As soon as possible, plan a time to sit down with both of your parents.Make plans to speak with them separately if their relationship is volatile or not.Asking questions about what will happen moving forward may be helpful.Don't worry about "adding" to what they're going through by simply asking, "What's going to happen next?"It is better for everyone to communicate their concerns.Your parents may be thinking about your future as well.
Step 5: Speak to your siblings.
No matter what your relationship with your siblings was like before the divorce, they will still be an important source of support.You can get a better idea of one another's lives from the experiences you've shared.How each of you are doing, and what you can do to help each other, are things that should be discussed.If anyone in your family is having a hard time dealing with the divorce, you can talk to them about seeing a therapist.Reach out to other family members.It is possible that your parents' siblings are better able to help and support them than you and your siblings.
Step 6: Do your own thing.
Don't put your life on hold because your parents are going through a rough patch.If you are pursuing a significant goal, keep your long-term plans in mind.If you are moving out and going to college next year, you should.Don't start to question your own goals and intentions if you want to get married yourself in the foreseeable future.If you are worried about the future, talk to a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or religious leader.Say something like, "The divorce is making me question some of the things that I had envisioned for my future."Continue to participate in normal everyday activities as well.Try to maintain an active social life by going to your weekly volleyball meetup.Staying focused on your own goals and keeping yourself occupied with personal interests will keep your stress levels low.
Step 7: There are special events that need to be planned ahead.
As you try to figure out how to include your parents in your celebrations, holidays and celebrations may become a source of stress.They may be willing to be around one another to share in your accomplishments and other key events together, but they may also wish to compromise and work with you to plan separate occasions.Ask your parents to speak with one another about attending events that you want them both to be a part of, such as your graduation, a big sports game, or a birthday party.They will hopefully be able to put their differences aside.You might want to ask if they would be willing to focus on the positive for a day in order to enjoy a special occasion altogether.Say something like, "I know you two have a hard time being around each other, but I was hoping we could just focus on this milestone in my life."
Step 8: It is possible to speak freely with someone.
You need to be able to tell someone how you feel about your parents' divorce from time to time.Allowing others to support you is another way of looking at it.Maintaining a happy, healthy frame of mind will be hard because of stress, depression, and sadness.There is a support group for people with divorced parents.If you are still struggling with mental health issues, see a therapist.A school counselor or doctor's office can help you find one.
Step 9: Try to ignore the negatives.
Some good will come from your parents' divorce.One of them will be better off in the long run because of their separation.Think about what you like about your parents.You will come to know them better if you continue to spend time with them.
Step 10: Don't make yourself hard on yourself.
If your parents divorce happens when you are an adult, you may feel like you should have already gotten over it.It is normal for people to have strong residual feelings about a parent's divorce even if they were younger or older.As you become more aware of how the divorce affected you and your family, your anger may increase.As you become more aware, you may have more questions.Don't ask your parents questions that will lead to resentment.
Step 11: Do not parent.
You must insist that they don't put you in bad situations.There is a risk of being adult with divorced parents.This could happen if you feel like you should or if one of your parents puts you in situations where you have to act as a mediator.This is not healthy, and you need to avoid it.If a parent pushes too much information onto you, tell them to talk to a friend, counselor, or lawyer.You don't have to help your parents through a divorce.You might need to say something like, "I am sympathetic about what you are going through and I want you to be happy."It is not healthy for me to be in that position.It would be better to have this conversation with other people.
Step 12: Don't pick sides.
It is not healthy to side with one of your parents over the other.If infidelity, financial mismanagement, or alcohol abuse contributed to the separation of your parents, it is likely that you agree more with one of them than the other.Everyone should try to stay on good terms with their parents.If one of your parents starts talking badly about the other, ask them to stop.Try "I love you both, and it hurts to hear this, but I need to have a positive relationship with both of my parents."
Step 13: Don't have people in your life who are hurting you.
Do not worry about taking sides if one of your parents was abusive.You and any other family members that had been victims of abuse should support one another.Do not try to maintain a relationship with a parent who was abusive.If you want to rebuild your relationship with an abusive parent, you should tell them that.If you believe someone is being abused, contact a mental health professional or law enforcement officer.Allowing abuse to continue will hurt people you love even more, so remind yourself that.
Step 14: Don't compare your relationship to your parents
Some of the things you realize about your parents may upset you.Do not allow these feelings or the actions of your parents to dictate what you think about romantic partnerships in general.It is important to remember that every relationship is different and that you should not compare aspects of your parent's relationship to your own.Think of tumultuousness in your own relationship as evidence that all relationships are doomed from the start.Many children of divorced parents have these thoughts, and they can have a negative impact on healthy relationships.There are things you can do to change your negative thoughts, such as identifying them and writing them down as positive thoughts.
Step 15: You can talk to a therapist.
If you are struggling with any intense emotions, you should meet with a mental health professional.It is possible to address persistent sadness, melancholy, loneliness, inability to concentrate, or simply a recurring uneasiness by speaking with someone.You can speak with others that have had similar experiences if the therapist recommends a counseling program.If you are having waves of rage, you should see a therapist.These may be related to one of your parents.A therapist may be able to see a situation from the outside if they are not biased.Their main priority is your personal health and safety.
Step 16: Stay in touch with both of your parents.
As you have grown up, the distance between you and your parents has increased.If your parents have separated, it may be even better.If you can, try to keep in touch with both of your parents.Send an email or call your parents to let them know that you care about them.If you have a strained relationship with one of your parents, they will still be happy to hear about your life.Shoot them an email about any big news in your life and let them know about the next thing you are looking forward to.It may be difficult between you and your parents.You may be able to develop stronger and more meaningful relationships if you put in the effort to reignite relationships that have been damaged by divorce.