It's important to be a good listener to your family.
Communication is important for family bonds.It can be hard to communicate if you don't listen.Improving your listening skills can help you communicate better and form stronger bonds.It's important to listen actively.Show that you're listening by asking clarifying questions.Reflecting and commenting on what the speaker has said is a good way to acknowledge what they have said.To help conversations run smoothly, avoid negative habits.
Step 1: Stay focused on the present.
Don't let your mind wander to other things when listening to a family member.To make your family member feel valued, it's important to stay in the present.Don't talk to a family member while distracted.Give them your full attention by taking your phone away.When someone is talking, never think about other things.Don't focus on what's being said.Return your thoughts to the speaker.
Step 2: Don't say what you'll say next, focus on the speaker's words.
You tend to focus on what you're going to say next when talking to someone.When talking to a family member, this tendency can get more intense.If you're talking about a family problem or disagreement, you may want to share your thoughts.Do not think about how you want to respond.The speaker's thoughts and opinions should be the focus.You can think about how you will respond.Pay attention to what is being said.Understand your family member's perspective at the top of your priority list.If you actually understand what's being said, you will be better equipped to think of a thoughtful response.Communication will be better if you understand the other person's point of view.Make sure you listen to what they're saying.You can summarize what they've said.The doctor says everything will be okay, but it sounds like you're worried about your test results.
Step 3: Use non-verbal signals to show you're listening.
The speaker should feel valued.Show you're listening.You can say you're paying attention with non-verbal signals.As the speaker talks, smile and laugh, and maintain eye contact.
Step 4: Make sure the speaker has finished speaking.
It's okay to take a break.A couple of seconds of silence in a conversation allows the speaker to fully express themselves, and is not a bad thing.Pause after the speaker finishes talking to make sure you don't launch into your response.You can make sure they're done talking.People tend to pause when they speak.Do not assume the speaker is done talking if you notice they have paused.Before you reply, give them a few seconds.It is safe to assume that the speaker has finished talking after a few seconds have passed.
Step 5: Questions can be asked for clarification.
Understanding is part of listening.Ask if the speaker said anything that you didn't understand.If necessary, ask for clarification after someone finishes talking.This will show you value your family member's perspective.Ask questions that encourage discussion."What do you think about the situation?"Where should we go from here?Don't ask "Why" questions.These can make the speaker feel defensive.Don't ask, "Why did you decide to take that job?"Ask, "How did you come to that decision?"
Step 6: Let us know what has been said.
A short summary of what the speaker has said can go a long way.Affirming a family member's point can convey you were listening.It can give the family member in question a chance to hear your interpretation of your words.When the speaker finishes, try to repeat what you heard."So, it sounds to me like you're a little frustrated with mom right now because you feel like she's not treating you like an adult."This can help you understand the speaker.It will allow you and your family to communicate better.
Step 7: Help family members tell their stories.
You want to help someone figure it out.Try to help your family member tell their story after listening.Start with "Okay, let me make sure I'm clear on what you're saying."Asking questions will help your family member frame their experience.You're upset that mom gives you advice on your car insurance.What do you think about that?I'm feeling frustrated.Helping a family member put a label on their feelings can help them understand a situation.
Step 8: Take a moment to reflect on what's been said.
After allowing a family member to speak, think about the topic.Try to understand why it matters.Say something like "I'm getting a sense this is something we should all talk about as a family" or something similar.
Step 9: "I"-statements are used when it's your turn to speak.
Family situations can be difficult.You can sometimes disagree with what's being said."I"-statements are used when disagreements arise.They place the focus on your personal feelings over an objective assessment.There are three parts to the "I"-statement.You immediately state your feelings after "I feel...".You state what led to those feelings.You explain why you feel that way.Don't frame your feelings in a judgmental way if you disagree with a family member.You know you've had problems with money in the past, so Mom is just trying to help.You're not helping me.Use an "I"-statement to rephrase that sentiment."I feel frustrated because you're angry at mom when she's just trying to help because I think her concerns are legitimate and she does care about you."
Step 10: Accept that you don't have to solve everything.
You are often inclined to help your family.You can't solve someone's problems.A family member just wants someone to listen.Allow the person to talk and resist the urge to give your two cents on the issue.It is possible to ask a reflexive question.Do you think she was just concerned?
Step 11: Don't interrupt.
Breaks can be put on effective conversations.Allow a few seconds of silence after someone finishes talking.You can make sure the speaker is done talking.Don't talk over someone either.Don't start talking until the other person is done.
Step 12: Don't offer advice.
Unless you are asked, do not give advice.Advice can make it seem like you're not listening.You're only listening and giving advice.Don't tell someone what to do if they just want to talk.
Step 13: Don't change the subject too quickly.
Don't change the subject before the speaker has finished speaking.It's important that the speaker expresses themselves, even if the subject makes you uncomfortable.You may be tempted to hurry the speaker if there is family drama.If they talk about how you talked to your father last week, you might start talking about something you saw on TV.Do not do this.Talking about difficult subjects is part of communicating with your family.Even if a topic upsets you, you need to allow conversations to flow where they will.
Step 14: The speaker should not be rushed.
The person should not be rushed.Don't add your interpretation before the speaker is done speaking."Can you get to the point?" should never be said.It will make you think you're not invested in the conversation.
Step 15: Don't judge from it.
If you're angry with someone, try to understand their point of view.Understand how the person feels.It's not a good idea to listen with judgement, as this will reduce your ability to fully communicate.If you disagree with someone's actions, don't judge them.Hearing the other person out will help you understand where they're coming from.