It can hurt your feelings, but you can stop it.If you grew up around people who manipulated others, you may do the same.It's possible that manipulation was the only way to get your childhood needs met.It is important to stop manipulation because it can cause you to lose relationships.Replacing those behaviors with healthy communication strategies will build strong relationships.
Step 1: If you make someone feel bad, notice.
This could include crying, whining, or pouting.You might be able to get what you want by making people feel bad about themselves.The person will likely pull away from you if you continue to behave this way.You are manipulating someone when you try to control their feelings.You can say things like, "If you really love me, you'll stay home with me tonight," "My friends can't believe you treat me this way," or "I hate it when we work together because I have to do more than my share."
Step 2: It is a good idea to watch for lying or twisting the truth.
You can try to change the meaning of something you said or misinterpret someone else's words.You might try to get what you want by hiding information.You may have told your coworker that you wanted them to hang out at home.You could say, "I finished my assignment 3 days ago, but I'm chasing her around to get her to finish the report."I might have to do it myself.
Step 3: If you have been withholding something, notice.
It is easy to manipulate someone by not giving them what they want.This can include not talking to them or withdrawing from them.Control might be maintained temporarily by withholding something from someone, but eventually they will pull away from you.You can say things like, "Don't contact me until you're ready to apologize" or "I'm not helping with the housework again unless you admit you were wrong."
Step 4: Do you blame others for something you did?
It may be difficult for you to accept responsibility for your actions.You could make others seem responsible by changing situations.gossip about them so others take your sideYou missed a doctor's appointment because you overslept.You might blame your partner for keeping you up too late if you missed your alarm.You don't have to feel bad if they take the blame for your mistake.
Step 5: You should notice if you are vague about what you want.
Dropping hints or suggestions about what you want is what this means.This is a bad way of trying to get what you want.Instead of telling your friend you want to go see a movie with them, you may say, "I don't think I have anything going on Saturday night."Let's say you're unhappy that some of your coworkers went out to lunch without you.It's a good idea to talk to them directly to let them know that you're interested in going again.You could try to manipulate the situation by gossiping about the person who organized the lunch or trying to get them in trouble for something unrelated.
Step 6: If you create drama for your benefit, be aware.
It is possible to make your friends, relatives, and coworkers better than everyone else.Spreading gossip and driving a wedge between others is what this often involves.This behavior is unfair to them.People will eventually catch on and this can work temporarily.You might lose friends when this happens.Honesty is better with people.You can become your parents' favorite by telling them nice things, pretending to always act perfectly, and making up stories to make your siblings look bad.You can get everyone to exclude a coworker you don't like by telling them that they spread rumors even though you're the one gossiping.
Step 7: As soon as you notice it, stop yourself.
You can reflect on what you are doing by taking a step back.Discuss the situation with the other person.As possible, be as direct and honest with them.You can take some time to work through your feelings on your own.It is hard to change your behavior, so allow yourself to take baby steps.Typically, people are just repeating old patterns that you might have learned from your family or old relationships.You don't have to explain yourself if you're in the middle of talking to someone.If you need a few minutes to think, you could just excuse yourself to the restroom.
Step 8: Listen to it.
You use manipulation to get what you want because you are only seeing things from your point of view.It is possible to overcome these behaviors by considering the feelings of others.You don't have to think about what you might say in response to the other person's feelings about things.Look for a compromise that will allow you both to win.You might want to go out on Friday night, but your partner wants to hang out with friends.Listen to their feelings on the situation, instead of guilting them into doing what you want.Then, find a way for you to both be happy, such as scheduling your date night for Saturday so that both of you can spend time with friends on Friday.If your partner can't help you with your manipulation tactics, make sure you take responsibility for it on your own.
Step 9: Accept that you can not always have what you want.
Getting what you want can make you feel good, but no one always gets what they want.It is possible that the people around you are having to give up what they want.Things should be as fair as possible if you are willing to compromise.It is okay to speak up for what you want.It's not healthy to lie about someone else in order to undermine their reputation at work.It will be bad for your career and reputation if this helps you get the next project assignment.It hurts the other person.Let's say you're off from work on Wednesday night and want to go out, but your partner won't let you.You could order takeout and watch a movie with them instead of making them feel bad.
Step 10: It is your responsibility to take care of your needs and feelings.
You are the only person who can make decisions.Give yourself what you need to feel better if you ask yourself why you are feeling that way.Accepting responsibility for your thoughts and actions can be empowering, even if it makes you feel bad at first.You want your friend to come over even though they are busy, because you are feeling lonely.Instead of saying something like, "I guess you don't care about me after all", you could do something fun by yourself.You could go shopping or watch a movie.
Step 11: If you can't change your behavior, work with a counselor.
You might not be able to change your behavior on your own.A counselor or therapist can help you change your behavior.New behaviors that are healthier for you will be helped by them.You can find a counselor online.
Step 12: Instead of manipulating others, be direct about what you want.
You know what you want because no one can read your mind.Tell your partner, relatives, friends, and coworkers what you need.You can work on a compromise even if they say no.The most important step is stopping your behavior.The person knows exactly what you want by saying, "I want you to call me more often, I want to change the division of our workload, and it hurts my feelings when I'm not invited to girls' night."It is a starting point for a healthy compromise if they do not give it to you.
Step 13: Accept no for an answer without guilt.
You can either make plans with someone or give them a favor.Rather than trying to make them feel guilty so they will do what you want, let that be the end of it.You want your sister to watch your children so you can go out.Thank her if she says no.You might want your boss to let you take off on a busy work day, but they told you no.Don't say something like, "I should've known you'd say no because I'm the only one here who never gets to take a day off."
Step 14: The boundaries of others need to be respected.
Poor boundaries are what Manipulative people have.Allow people to make their own decisions.Don't try to change people.If someone says they need a break, don't keep calling.Try to find a compromise if you're unhappy with your partner's behavior.They shouldn't be manipulated into being the perfect partner for you.You might want your partner to change the way they dress, but it's not smart to say, "You really look homeless today."Doesn't it bother you that none of your coworkers think you're professional?Let them be who they want to be.
Step 15: When someone does something nice for you, please reciprocate.
People who take advantage of others can be avoided by giving back.Give something in return for the kindness people show you.When a person gives you a gift, give a sincere thank you.You could return the gesture at a later time.Someone covered your shift so you could take a day off.If they need to take a break, offer to cover their shift.
Step 16: Don't expect anything in return for doing nice things.
People respond to your kindness by returning it.Expectations of someone to behave a certain way is a form of manipulation.If you do nice things or give to others, adopt a no strings attached policy.You bought coffee for a coworker.Don't expect them to buy you a coffee when you're out.You can offer to watch someone's children while they deal with a difficult situation.Unless they offered to do so in advance, don't expect them to pay you or give you a gift.