It's not always easy to make up for a hurt person.When your relationship is restored, it will be worth it to apologize.You are already taking a step in the right direction by addressing the situation instead of ignoring it.You have to find a way to make things right again.You can learn how to mend your relationship in Step 1 and beyond.
Step 1: An objective view of what happened is what you must take.
Was the situation black and white, and the other person was correct?Is the issue more complicated than that?When you're not sure who's to blame, it can be difficult to make an apology.Think about what you need to apologize for.If your role is clear and you know what you need to apologize for, it shouldn't be difficult.If you got into a fender bender because you borrowed someone's car without asking, it should be obvious how to make up.Maybe it's not clear.For example, if you and a friend haven't spoken in months, and both of you said bad things to each other, the relationship may have come to a standstill.It's hard to say who is responsible for the feud.
Step 2: Look at your feelings.
You might not feel apologetic when you've done something wrong.People act aggressive and make excuses for their behavior in order to hide their shame.It can be hard to own up to hurting someone else, but you have to focus on making things right instead of allowing other feelings to cloud the situation further.Do you want to cover up feelings of shame because you are afraid of being a lesser person if you acknowledge your wrongdoing?Don't worry, apologizing for something you did wrong makes you a better person, not a worse one.Are you aware of your mistake, but still convinced that you need to fight your way out of it to preserve your reputation?You're going to create a new reputation for yourself by being angry and stubborn.Are you concerned about the battle between self-respect and respect for others?
Step 3: Stand in someone else's shoes.
What did they think about what happened between you?Do you think they are the same as you?They might be hurt, perplexed, confused, and frustrated.You can see it from the other person's perspective if you step outside of your own hurt and perception.You should change your frame of mind.You should realize that your relationship with the other person is more important than being right all the time.
Step 4: Make a list of the reasons you need to make a change.
It is possible to transfer the emotions from your head to paper.You can figure out how to make amends by sorting through the worries, realities, and interpretations of the situation.Take responsibility for the wrongdoing you have committed.Be honest, instead of being arrogant or stubborn.You can be the bigger person about it even if you think there is shared blame.Write down your reasons on a piece of paper.What are the things that leap out in particular?Is it possible to see patterns emerging?You can find a pattern of behavior where you have acted selfishly around other people.The actual event isn't as important as your negative motivation, so try to home in on that aspect and convey that you have understood this to the person to whom you will be apologizing.
Step 5: A clear heart is what you need to make amends.
If you still feel angry and defensive, you might need to wait before you try to make sense of it.When you carry too much emotional baggage of your own, there is no point in trying to make up.Your apology will be meaningless because it won't be sincere.You can get to the heart of what's pushing your buttons by facing your own sense of resentment.Give yourself time to cool off and let the wounds heal.Since the longer the other person's distrust of you is confirmed, the harder it will be to reconcile.It is time to clean up the mess you left behind if you accept that your own bad behavior happened.Acceptance is about recognizing things for what they are.Don't use your anger as an excuse if you feel anger about something.If you want to move beyond anger, remember that this is about your mistake, not your reputation.
Step 6: What will it take to make up for the damage?
It's time to think about how you can make up for what you've done.It is not the same path for everyone.You have to know the right way to make up for what you have done.It might be a good idea to put yourself out on a limb and apologize for your actions.It takes more than an apology to make amends.You may have to back up your words with actions.Paying for the destruction of someone's property can go a long way to patching up the problem.
Step 7: It's up to you to decide what to say.
Rehearsing difficult conversations will help your auto-pilot kick in if your emotions get the better of you.Think through the ways in which you could have done things differently and find solutions for your future.Prepare some notes in your head or on paper, as to what you'll say when you talk to the other person again.Be prepared to take responsibility for what you have done.To accept that you did the wrong thing is a good idea.The tone of remorse for the rest of the conversation is set by this."I apologize I hurt you" is what you can start with.I was wrong to do that.It is important to acknowledge their hurt in order to ease tensions.If this is the first time you've hurt someone else, and the other person has heard your apologies before, a mere "sorry" won't cut it.Sorry can be hard to say when it's not backed up by real change.When you promise never to act this way again or to repeat your mistake, you should make it clear that you really do express sincere and genuine regret.
Step 8: Meet the person in person.
It is better to meet in person to make amends than to use email or phone.The willingness to be near the person again and to make meaningful contact with them is shown by this.If you want to make amends with family members you haven't seen in a long time, you should meet them outside of one another's homes.Being on one's own territory can raise tensions, but this will remove them.Write a letter if you can't meet in person.It's more personal to write in your own words.
Step 9: Begin apologizing.
You can start your discussion with the other person by telling them that you wish to make up for your mistake.Aim to leave this discussion with a stronger relationship than before you made the mistake.You're off to a great start if you head into it with the intention of reestablishing your connection with this person and wanting things to be better than they were before.Look at your body language, voice, stance, and attitude.All of these elements should help to convey your genuine apology.Eye contact is a sign that you mean what you say and don't avoid the truth.Don't use "you" statements, always refer to "I think", " I believe" and other things.Their wrongdoing is not up for discussion.Don't add in lines about feeling justified.You are back into combat mode.
Step 10: Make it simple.
A long apology will double back on itself.Make your points clear.You don't want to be hanging around all day.
Step 11: The other person needs time to vent.
Don't make assumptions about their feelings or perspective.If you followed the suggested step above, you have still used your own knowledge and understanding of the world to stand in their shoes.Pick up your cues from here and give them the space, time, and freedom to air their grievances.It's not helpful to tell them they don't have a good reason to feel the way they do.
Step 12: If you want to back up your words, take actions.
If you give measurable promises to change and act on them, you will be more likely to express your genuine regret.Provide ways to give back.If you broke something, offer to buy a new thing, if you called a person terrible things, give them a long list of all their positive attributes, and explain to them that you were jealous of their accomplishments, you should stage another event to make up for it.Do what you can to give back money, time, or attention that you took from someone.Explain how you intend to change your behavior.If there are any ways you can back up the promise of change, use them.You can tell the other person that you'll never ride an ATV again, and then show them the advertisement for the vehicle's sale.Tell the other person what you've learned from this experience.The other person will be able to see how effective the lesson was when they realize that you truly did learn a lesson.This is a last resort approach and its effectiveness will really depend on the extent and depth of your mistake, so you might consider going so far as to provide an out for the other person should you fail to keep your promise.You could say "If I break this promise to you, you are free to sell my Star Trek collection."
Step 13: Ask the other person what they think would be best for them.
This can be a good way to connect if they offer realistic responses.This option isn't always an appropriate one, so consider the context of the mistake.If you're worried that the other person might take this as a chance to behave badly, you should be careful.
Step 14: Don't do it again.
Hurting someone the same way twice is a sure way to erode their trust.Make sure you don't hurt the person again if you want to preserve the friendship.Do your best to be a good friend.It's not possible to be perfect, but you can try.
Step 15: It is necessary to resolve.
It is important that you don't wallow in self-pity or blame the other person, whatever the outcome of your attempts to make amends.You did your best even if you couldn't set things right.Don't keep reliving what happened, focus on what's ahead for both of you.Make a decision to never hurt another person again if you don't make up with the other person.
Step 16: Learn from what happened.
You can use your experience to help others who make the same mistake.It's possible that you have enough experience to help them reach a positive outcome without condemning them.Even if things don't work out, be grateful for the gift of self-forgiveness, which allows you to live in the present rather than the past.You will heal if you forgive yourself.