Don't give up hope if you are dealing with your husband's affair and the thought of forgiveness seems impossible.Take the time you need away from your spouse to work through your own emotions.You can have a meaningful discussion when you are ready.Positive steps toward forgiveness and a new relationship can be made.
Step 1: Affirmatively acknowledge your feelings.
Don't ignore your feelings, face them head-on.Writing down your emotions in a way that feels good to you is one way to acknowledge them.It is important to focus on how you feel and what is happening in your body.Don't be surprised if you feel betrayed, hurt, angry, upset, sad, confused, or in disbelief.It is normal to have many emotions.Emotions can bring clarity.You might realize how much your marriage means to you or how hurt you are by your husband's actions.
Step 2: It's a good idea to release your emotions in a healthy way.
If you feel angry, you might want to act quickly.It might be tempting to hurt him back, but this won't help you feel better or move you closer to forgiveness.You can find a way to process your emotions on your own.If you need to express your anger, punch a pillow or walk.Journaling can help you understand your emotions better.You can use your writing to reflect on the experience.You can use art, writing, music, and dance to express your feelings.If you want to deal with your emotions, don't use alcohol or drugs.Don't project your anger on your husband, friends, children, and other family members.Don't make aggressive statements towards them.
Step 3: Cool down when you are angry.
If you act on your anger, you could end up regretting it.If you notice yourself getting angry or upset, remove yourself from the situation and focus on feeling calm.Take a walk outside or go to a different room.You or the relationship can be hurt by lashing out at him or doing something that will hurt him permanently.Deep breathing helps calm your body and mind.You can use your senses to deal with difficult emotions.Look for ways to connect with one sense at a time.Take notice of the sounds around you, from nature sounds to footsteps in the room next door.
Step 4: If you need to take a break, take it.
If you just found out the news, it is understandable that you need some time away from your husband.Living in the same home may make it difficult to find a friend or family member to stay with.If you decide to stay in the same home but prefer to sleep in a different bed, you should sleep separately for the time being.It can be difficult if you have kids.You might want to tell them that you are taking a weekend away or sleeping in a different room.You don't have to tell what happened.Let your husband know that.If possible, tell him when you'll be back together.
Step 5: It's a bad idea to blame yourself.
No one will blame you for the affair.You will feel bad about yourself.Don't get stuck on the fact that your actions contributed to your husband's affair.If you feel responsible, you should leave the blame.Give yourself compassion when you feel like blaming yourself.To yourself, extend kindness and understanding.Send love to yourself and those around you by supporting your health and well-being.
Step 6: You need answers to questions.
If you know the details of the affair, you will be able to forgive and recover.If you want to focus on emotional questions, try not to ask logistical questions.Ask your husband why he decided to cheat, instead of asking which hotel they met in.It's a better way to move towards forgiveness.You need to know the answers to the questions.Ask your husband if he is willing to be tested for STDs.Ask your husband if he wants to stay in the relationship or leave.Clarifying this as soon as possible will help you plan for the future.
Step 7: How do you feel about the affair?
There are many feelings and fears associated with affairs.If you are worried about him cheating again, you might want to tell him that you can't get over how unfair this is toward you.It is important for him to know how the affair affects you.Use "I" statements when talking about your feelings.You don't have to blame or shame your husband because this will allow you to express yourself.Say, "I feel so hurt and disappointed."
Step 8: Listen to what your husband has to say.
He may have a lot of excuses or he may be sad and self-loathing.Hearing your husband take responsibility for his actions can be comforting.It can take some time to accept his words.It is important that your husband shows remorse for his actions if you want your marriage to continue.You shouldn't have to accept blame for his cheating, as you should try to support his needs in the marriage.
Step 9: It's a good idea to make boundaries for talking about the affair.
The affair should not be the center of your relationship.You don't want to completely ignore the affair, but you do not want it to be the only thing you talk about.You can use boundaries to discuss it in a productive and healthy way.Make sure you have enough time to have a real discussion if one of you wants to bring it up.If talking about it has become all you talk about, it's time to take some steps back and make some boundaries.If you have children with your husband, you should not discuss the affair with them.
Step 10: The outcome of your relationship is confirmed.
If you are going to forgive your husband and move on with your life, make sure he is on the same page.He should say that he wants the relationship to work and be rebuilt.Talk about it further if he is unsure about moving forward or is more inclined to divorce.Let him know if you want to divorce.You should make a new commitment to each other if you want to keep your marriage going.You can return to physical intimacy when you are ready.
Step 11: You should remember that forgiveness is for you.
It's important to remember that forgiveness has more to do with you than it does with your husband.Holding on to anger and resentment hurts you more than it hurts him.Being willing to move forward means letting go of pain and resentment.It is in your best interest to let go of your husband if you decide to divorce.If you don't want to stay in the marriage, you can give up your husband.Forgiveness will help you heal and move on if you stay in the marriage.
Step 12: Let go of the story.
If you stay together, you need to build a new relationship and not try to recover the previous one.If you are willing to move in a new direction, you can create something new.The desire to create something new must be more powerful than the desire for him to stay in the past.You can let go of resentment, feelings of unfairness, and blame.It is necessary to move forward in your relationship even though it is easier said than done.You should have a letting go ceremony where you write down what you want to let go of and then burn the papers.This can create an opening for the relationship to blossom.
Step 13: Attend counseling and talk about it.
Couples counseling can be a big part of coming together again with your husband if you decide to move forward in your relationship.Therapy can help create new roles in the relationship and frame the future differently from the past.Even if you decide to split, therapy can help both of you do it in the best interests of each other.There is a therapist who works with couples.You can find a therapist who specializes in infidelity.Call your insurance provider if you want to find a therapist within your network.You can get a recommendation from a friend or a physician if you call a local mental health center.
Step 14: It's better to rebuild trust than not.
A way to rebuild trust is not checking your husband's phone or email.Both of your trust will likely be negatively impacted by this practice.Open and honest communication is needed to rebuild trust.You can choose to believe what he says.It can take time to rebuild trust, but be hopeful.Cynicism and doubt are obstacles to rebuilding trust.If you are having trouble trusting your husband again, talk to a counselor.
Step 15: You can improve your relationship.
You can find new ways to be partners with your husband when you start a new relationship.Improve your communication and speak honestly if you have had problems in the past.If sex was an issue, find ways to have fun together.In new and meaningful ways, be there for each other.You can start a notebook with your thoughts, hopes, and dreams.Write in it and support each other.A therapist can help point you in the right direction if you don't know how to improve your relationship.
Step 16: Tell your friends and family what you're up to.
It can be difficult on your own.You can discuss your experience with trusted friends or family.If you know someone who has gone through the same thing, they could be a good person to talk to.It's a good idea to say whether you want a listening ear or advice.They can learn how to best respond to your needs.If you want the information to be kept private, state clearly that you don't want them to share it with others.Make sure you don't criticize or insult your husband while you vent your feelings.If your friends are friends with your husband, it will make it harder for you to heal.Ask your friends for help and support.
Step 17: Become part of a support group.
You are not alone.If you want to meet other people who have gone through the same thing, find a support group.Talking about your experience with other people who have been there can be helpful.You can learn how others have forgiven their husbands by sharing resources with one another.Call your local mental health clinic if you want to find support groups.There is a support group in your community.You can find one online.
Step 18: Support can be found from church and community groups.
Get in touch with your community for support.It is okay to ask for support whether you attend a church or kickball league.You need to make it clear that you are going through a difficult time and need some friends.You can either tell what's happening or not.It is up to you.Whatever you do, make sure that your privacy is protected.
Step 19: Help your children feel supported.
People don't tell their children about an affair.If you don't tell your kids about the affair, they will pick up on tensions in the home or between their parents.You should assure them of your love and support.Show up for what is important and keep things normal for them.Do not answer questions that you don't have an answer to.If your kids notice you fighting and ask, "Are you and dad going to get a divorce?" reply back by saying "We're going through a tough time and I know it's tough for you, too."Family therapy is a good way to heal tension for your children.Family therapy can help you understand how your children may be affected by this event.