It's possible that you and your ex have parted on bad terms and haven't spoken in a while.While you don't want to get back together with them romantically, you may be interested in reestablishing yourself as a friend.Being clear about your intentions from the beginning can help establish good emotional boundaries with your ex.If you want to establish a friendship with your ex, make sure they are willing to do it.If possible, arrange for a meeting.If everything goes well, figure out how you can keep in touch.If both of you are willing to work on it, it's possible to rebuild a friendship with your former partner.
Step 1: You need to be clear about your intentions.
If you want to pursue a friendship, you should think about your reasons for wanting to talk to your ex.You want to be friends with the kind of person your ex is.What kind of friendship do you want with your ex?Do you want to be friendly with your ex in a group of friends, or just the two of you?Do you want to say hello to them and like their pictures on social media?Make sure your ex is a good friend to other people and think about how they treated their other friends.If you thought your ex used friends for their own gain, it's probably not worth it to develop a friendship.Think about how your ex treated you.There is a reason you and your ex split.It's best to leave them in the past if they didn't treat you well.You might want to run this idea by your friends and family.If it's a good idea to pursue a friendship, they may be able to give you some insight.
Step 2: You have to tell them what you want.
Make sure you think about how you want to communicate your desire for friendship when you talk to your ex.You don't want your ex to think you're interested in anything else.Say something like, "I have missed being in touch with you and have been remembering how much fun we had together as friends."I hope we could be friends again, but I want to be clear that a friendship is all that I really want.
Step 3: Send an email or a letter.
If you're worried about your ex's reaction, you might want to get in touch with them via email or letter.Writing a letter allows you to get your words the way you want them, and you can also say everything you need to say without being interrupted or argued with.I am sure you are surprised to hear from me.I apologize for the bad terms we parted on.How much my friendship meant to me and how much I miss it.It is my hope that we can connect as friends.It may take a few days for them to reply.If you indicate they can in your letter, they could call or text you.It's possible that your ex won't respond to you.If they don't, you can either let it go or try to get in touch with them in a different way.
Step 4: Call.
You might be able to give them a call if you still have your ex's number.It's a good idea to let your ex know you're calling because they'll probably be wondering why.You might want to think about what you are going to say.You could say, "I have been thinking about you recently, and I really miss our friendship."I was hoping we could get together sometime and catch up, and maybe try to be friends again.Make sure you say what you want to say.You could say, "Hello Mina, it's Heather."I don't blame you for not picking up because I know you saw my phone number.I was calling to see if we could talk.I was hoping that you would be willing to be friends again, because I miss having you in my life as a friend.Don't call when you've been drinking.They will not take your request for friendship seriously if you make them think this is a drunk-dial situation.
Step 5: Talk to people on social media.
If you still have friends with your ex on social media, try private messaging them on the platform they use the most.If they would like to catch up in person, keep your conversation friendly.It is possible to post a message publicly, but keep it short and generic.You shouldn't have a relationship where other people can read it.You can say something like, "Hey Chris!"If your ex responds, you can switch to a private message to continue the conversation.
Step 6: It's a good idea to avoid surprising them in person.
Don't show up at school or work and ask to be friends, for example.That will scare them.To give your ex a chance to think about how they would like to respond, reach out through other channels.You could say, "It's good to see you!" if you bumped into them by chance.If you're open to it, I would love to catch up with you.If they want to have you back in their life, avoid a major conversation before they have the chance.
Step 7: Apologize for anything.
If you played a part in the bad ending of the relationship, be sure to apologize early on.It can be difficult to have a good friendship without acknowledging wrongdoing.I am so sorry for how we parted ways, I know we had a bad ending.I hope we can get past it and eventually be friends again.If you're willing, you can talk about it in person when you see your ex.
Step 8: Accept the decision that they made.
They may or may not give you reasons why they don't want to be with you.Accept their choice and not demand an explanation.They may not respond to any communication at all.It is possible that your ex is not interested in seeing you in person.Work to reestablish your friendship through your ex's boundaries.There is a chance of a face-to-face meeting in the future.If your ex responds with a message that says they are not interested in talking to you, you could say, "I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand."I know how hard it was for us at the end, and I understand if you are still hurt.I wish you all the best.
Step 9: The meeting is casual.
A casual, non-romantic place is where you can get together for coffee or lunch.Treat your meeting like a meeting.No matter how much it feels like a date, it's not one.If the place you are meeting serves alcohol, don't drink at all or limit yourself to one drink.It's a good idea to not have too many drinks with your ex.You have to drive to your meeting place.Don't meet at your ex's house.You are only interested in friendship if you are alone.
Step 10: Limit your physical contact with others.
You don't want to look like you're dating your ex.A handshake, a hug, or a peck on the cheek are all appropriate, but don't take it beyond that.You don't want your ex to know that you're interested in more than friendship.If your ex tries anything that you don't like, get physical distance between you and let them know you're not interested.You could say, "John, I just wanted to get together so we could catch up, but I'm not interested in rekindling a relationship."I know it's easy to fall into old habits, but I don't want to go down that road again.
Step 11: Take a look at each other's lives.
If your ex has anything new to report, ask.You can also share your own updates.Ask a lot of questions about your ex's life, family, job, and interests.Don't get in the way of the conversation.If you run out of things to discuss in your own life, you can always talk about what's going on in the world.It might be awkward at first.Be patient.It may feel uncomfortable if you parted on a bad note because you haven't talked to each other in a while.
Step 12: Keep the light on.
It's not a good idea to go into the past too much when you meet up again.Think about the meeting as taking a step into a new future, not a repeat of pain from the past.Old fights should not be brought up.It's not a good idea to bring up sentimental memories.At your first meeting, there may be a time and place for this later.You may want to make a formal apology for the pain you have caused.You could say something like, "I know I said this earlier when we first started texting, but I did want to apologize in person for how our relationship ended."I hurt you when I said some mean things.I hope we can build a friendship.
Step 13: It's important to keep it friendly.
It's easy to slip back into old habits in a romantic relationship, but don't do that.Don't bring up old jokes or pet names from your relationship with your ex.Old emotions may surface when you see your ex.Take some deep breaths if you find yourself getting emotional or overwhelmed.If you want to be romantic with your ex, resist temptations.Your goal is to connect with your ex as a friend.
Step 14: Keep in touch.
If your meeting went well and both of you seem interested in seeing each other again as friends, you could suggest you communicate on a more frequent basis.Discuss what you would like to do in the future.Agree on a level of contact that both of you are comfortable with.You might decide that it wouldn't be feasible to meet up in person, but that you are willing to keep talking on social media.If both of you are willing to meet up again, plan another time to do so.It feels less like a date if you include some of your mutual friends.You could say, "Do you want to go bowling with your friends?"
Step 15: Take some time.
Don't get back into a friendship.If you and your ex are talking again, you shouldn't smother them with invitations to get together and contact them all the time.For your social activities, rely on your circle of friends.You should check in with your ex occasionally, whether it's online, on the phone, or via text.If the outing seems like a good fit, invite them.For example, your mutual friend is coming to town for a visit and you want to get friends together to go out to dinner to celebrate, or you share a mutual love of an artist who is having a gallery opening.
Step 16: Do you want to discuss the past?
You can either let bygones be forgotten and move on, or you can find value in debriefing your relationship.If you want to be open to talking about it, you have to come to an agreement with your ex.If you decide you want to talk about your relationship, make sure you are in a place where you don't feel emotional about it.If you and your ex have decided you're comfortable talking about it, you could ask, "Why do you think our relationship ended so badly when we were a pretty good couple otherwise?"I think I would have told you more.It's a good chance for you to learn from past mistakes and do things differently in your next relationship.
Step 17: If you are having romantic feelings for them, be honest.
As the two of you are hanging out, be honest if you find yourself attracted to your ex.Before acting on your feelings, have a conversation about them.Make sure your ex follows the same rules.You can say, "Mark, I have to be honest."Just like the beginning of our relationship all over again, I have been feeling really attracted to you.We agreed we would be friends, so I wanted to tell you that.If your ex seems flirtatious with you, consider calling them out.You could ask, "What's up?"I feel like you have been touching me all night.