It can make you feel helpless if you comfort someone who is upset.You can't help the person if you're not there.Being available and willing to listen is the most important step that you can take.
Step 1: Allow the conversation to continue.
You can let the person know that you are available to listen.It's possible to identify why you're trying to help if you don't know the person very well.If you know the person, you could say, "I see you're having a hard time right now."Do you want to discuss it?It's fine if they don't want your company.If they don't want the company, you should not force them to be with you.If you don't know the person very well, you could say, "Hello, my name is Jean."I saw you were crying, and I am a student here.If you want, I'll listen to what's upsetting you.
Step 2: Tell it what it is.
If you already know what's wrong, you may be tempted to dance around the issue.You don't want to hurt the person more if they die or break up with you, so you may not say what the problem is.The person knows what's wrong and is already thinking about it.Asking about it in clear terms shows you care and are willing to deal with the issue as it is without sugar coating it, which will likely come as a relief.You could say that you heard about your father's death.That must have been very difficult.Do you want to discuss it?
Step 3: Ask how they're feeling.
Asking the person how they are feeling is one way to get the conversation going.Even in sad situations, a person is going to feel more than one emotion, so letting them open up about all their emotions can be helpful.If a parent dies after a long illness, they are going to feel sad.They may be feeling some relief that the illness is over and some guilt because of that.
Step 4: The attention must be kept on them.
It's tempting to compare what they're going through with what you've gone through before.When someone is upset, they don't want to hear about what you went through.They want to talk about what's happening now.
Step 5: Don't try to make the conversation positive immediately.
It's natural to want the person to feel better if they look at the positive side.They might feel like their feelings aren't important if you do that.Don't try to show them the positive side of things.Try not to say things like, "Well, at least you're still alive," or "It isn't all bad."Try phrases such as, "It's okay to feel bad; you're going through a tough time" if you must say something.
Step 6: A person wants to be heard.
People who are crying or upset just need someone to listen to them.Don't try to give them solutions.You can offer solutions near the end of the conversation, but focus on listening.
Step 7: Show you how to understand.
One way to listen is to repeat what the person is saying.You could say that you are upset because your friend wasn't paying attention to you.
Step 8: Don't get caught up in other things.
Keep talking to them.The T.V. should be turned off.Don't look at your phone.There is a part of staying focused that is not daydreaming.Don't be thinking about what you want to say next.Take in what they're saying.
Step 9: Body language can show you're listening.
Make eye contact with the person.Nod along to what they are saying.Show concern with a frown, or smile at the right moments.Your body language should be open.Don't cross your arms and legs and point at the person.
Step 10: Accept your situation.
When faced with a friend going through a tough time, most people feel helpless.You probably won't know what to say to the person.Just telling the person that you're there for them is enough.You could say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this."I don't know what to say to make it better.I want you to know that I'm here for you when you need me.
Step 11: A hug.
Give the person a hug if you feel comfortable doing so.It's better to ask first because some people may not be comfortable with physical contact, especially if they have been through trauma.You could say, "I'd like to give you a hug."Would you like that?
Step 12: Discuss the next steps.
Sometimes just making a plan can help a person feel better.If they don't seem to have any ideas, now is the time to offer solutions and encourage them to talk about what they want to do next.
Step 13: Bring therapy to the table.
It's fine to ask if your friend has considered seeing a counselor.Even though seeing a counselor comes with a lot of social stigma, it may be worth it to talk to someone who knows what they're doing.The stigma around seeing a counselor is unjust.You may have to convince your friend that it's fine to see a counselor.You can help combat the stigma by letting your friend know that you still see them as the same person even if they need help.
Step 14: Ask if you can do something.
You may be able to help someone if they want to talk weekly or just go out for a meal once in awhile.You may be able to offer support if the person is trying to get a death certificate for a loved one.If the person needs something specific, open the conversation.Concretes suggestions can be offered if the person seems uncertain about asking for help.You could say, "I would love to help."If you need me to drive you somewhere, I can bring food with me.Let me know what you need.
Step 15: Don't be bitter.
Make sure you are willing to follow through if you offer support.You should be willing to drop what you're doing to talk if you say, "feel free to call me, and talk anytime."If you offer to drive someone to therapy, be the person who actually shows up to do it.
Step 16: You should check in again.
It's hard to reach out to someone when you need emotional help.Don't forget to check in with the person from time to time.If she needs it, it's important to be available.