From verbal to physical abuse, there are many different forms of emotional abuse.There are many ways to become less abusive, regardless of the type of abuse.It is possible to resolve past abuse and stop future abuse by admitting your abusive behavior.
Step 1: You are emotionally abusive.
The first step in changing your behavior is acknowledging that you are emotionally abusing others.Taking time to see the effects your abuse has on others will help you realize the extent to which you are being abusive.Look at ways in which emotional abuse can be identified if you are unsure if your behavior is emotionally abusive.Examples of violent and aggressive language include name calling, yelling, and shaming, as well as controlling behaviors, such as intimidation, threats, or monitoring and withholding money.If your abusive behavior involves physical violence against a family member or spouse, contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence immediately.Many people who abuse other people have abused themselves.If you want to move past what happened to you and stop treating other people the same way, you might consider talking with a therapist.When your professional life starts to break down because of the way you treat others, you can notice that you're abusing people.
Step 2: Take a look at the source of the behavior.
Identifying the source of abusive behavior will help you understand where the stress is coming from.The victim may not be the problem if you act angry toward them.If you have problems in your life that are beyond your control, you may lash out at an easy, convenient target, even one that has nothing to do with your real problem.It might upset you if people give you feedback because you're afraid you are worthless even though you know it's not true.Take time to think about what other elements in your life are causing you stress, like work, conflict with a loved one or spouse, or financial issues.If you are engaging in drug or alcohol use, ask yourself questions like "Am I under too much pressure at work," "Do I have any unresolved conflicts that follow me around," or "Are there moments in my past that might be affecting my current behavior?"Abuse can be caused by using substances.
Step 3: The abusive behavior in your life should be removed.
Once you have identified the source of your abuse, you can begin to remove it from your life.Although removing this source might feel like a relief, there are still many other behaviors and effects that need to be addressed in order to stop emotionally abusing others.If your work is causing too much stress, talk to a friend or family member about quitting.If you're struggling with debt or making ends meet, seek financial advice from a financial planner.If you suspect that your abusive behavior is the result of an unresolved conflict or trauma, seek help from a therapist or counselor.
Step 4: The other person has experience.
Taking the time to sit down with those who have been emotionally abused will give you a better idea of how the abuse affected them.It can feel like an attack or accusation when you listen to those who have been abused.Try to listen without an immediate response.Don't make excuses and listen to others.It is normal to feel defensive, but if the other person was hurt by your behavior, then it is abuse.Equalizing, minimizing, or denying their experience is a crime.Don't make yourself the center of their experience.
Step 5: Take responsibility.
You should be held responsible for all the emotional abuse you have caused in a relationship.You are the only one who can prevent you from abusing another.Taking responsibility and holding yourself accountable for abuse requires a lot of courage and is necessary to begin changing your abusive behavior.Use statements like "I was too controlling when I wouldn't let you leave the house without me" or "What did it feel like when you were controlling?" when discussing abuse.
Step 6: You should respect the other person's reply.
Do not expect pity from people who have been abused, but be willing to ask for support from trusted friends and family.Being accountable and taking responsibility for the abuse you have caused is about changing yourself and respecting others.It can be seen as an extension of the abusive dynamic if you try to use your accountability to get the forgiveness of someone who has been abused.Nobody has to forgive you.It takes time for forgiveness to be allowed.If, after you're forgiven, you still feel like responding to comments from friends angrily, try to focus instead on using empathy, curiosity, and openness to understand where the other person is coming from.
Step 7: Allow yourself to be forgiven.
Learning how to stop and self help are some of the things we learn when we admit responsibility and accountability.If you forgive yourself, you will be able to move beyond your abusive tendencies and leave abuse in the past.Affirmations such as "Abusing others is a choice and I am going to do my best to change my behavior" will remind you of your commitment.
Step 8: Look for the help of a therapist, counselor or life coach.
There are many different types of therapy.The type of therapy you think will be most useful to you is what you should look for in a therapist.Some life coaches are not trained to deal with more severe types of abuse, but they can provide long term strategies for self improvement.Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you process traumatic experiences, such as previous abuse, loss of a loved one, or feeling disconnected from others, that might be causing abuse.If your abuse is occurring in your relationships with your spouse, children, or siblings, try family or group therapy.There are support groups that you can look into.If you want to learn how to deal with difficult emotions, look to Emotions Anonymous.
Step 9: They should consult friends and family.
It is possible to get advice from your friends and family when you are addressing your abusive behaviors.Friends and family can help with self-help.Schedule weekly calls with a friend or family member to check in on your progress in therapy, conversations with those you have abused, or your general well-being.Look for people who you feel comfortable telling the truth about your abuse.
Step 10: Contact the domestic abuse help agencies.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence can help you find the best course of action if the abuse is physical.The NCADV has access to support groups and information about intervention.Domestic abuse may need lawful intervention.To address physical abuse, seek out the NCADV or local law enforcement.