Do you want your teen to listen to you talk?Make sure you modify your language so that it's welcoming to your teen.Encourage them to communicate with you by using open body language.If you have a strong bond with your teen, they will be more open to talk and listen.
Step 1: Distractions should be removed to make listening easier.
It's easier to get your teen to listen if you aren't competing with them for attention.Your message is more likely to be heard if you eliminate the distraction.If you're going to talk, turn off the TV and ask your teen to leave their phone at home.If your teen is intimidated by face-to-face discussions, chat with them during commercials.Press "mute" before you start talking.It's a good idea to designate times of day that are tech-free so that you can spend time together.6 to 8 pm is the time when everyone in the family agrees to put their phones away and just talk to each other.
Step 2: Keep your voice calm.
When talking to your teen, aim for a soft voice.If you're upset, use an appropriate voice indoors.It's best to take a break if you find it hard to control your voice.
Step 3: Don't deviate from the basics.
One way to make sure your teen listens is to keep it simple.They may be tuning you out if you give too much information at once.When you talk, try to be clear and direct.Don't say "Carla, I know I told you to wash the dishes"?You don't listen to anything I say.Maybe I should ask one of your friends to relay the message since they're the only people you pay attention to.
Step 4: Positive phrases are used.
Whether your teen listens depends on the method you use to make the request.Use more positive language instead of using negative words.Instead of saying "Don't shout!," you could say, "Inside voices, please." Rather than say "You're doing that wrong" when your teen is cleaning, try something like "Hey, let me show you an easier way to do that."
Step 5: Suggestions of a limited number of options.
Teens want to be seen as capable and mature.Make yourself heard and increase the likelihood of your teen responding by opening the floor to let them participate in more decisions.If you want them to pick from a limited number of approved choices, keep the options limited.You could ask, "Which chore would you like to tackle?"Your teen can choose to wash the car, vacuuming, or folding the laundry, but they'll be less likely to argue or whine.
Step 6: Occasionally make eye contact.
A good balance of eye contact is important when talking to teens.Don't stare down, but be sure to occasionally meet their eyes.Aim to make more eye contact when listening than when talking.
Step 7: If it's a serious topic, schedule the talk.
An impromptu discussion lowers the chance that your teen will pay attention to you.Try to give them some notice instead of starting a serious talk out of the blue.They may be more receptive to listening if you say, "After you finish your homework, come back downstairs so we can have a chat, okay?"It's okay to just dive right in with less serious talks.
Step 8: Ask questions of your own.
Ask your teen if you want to ask about something.Don't hint at the issue or beat around the bush.To understand the situation, ask questions.If you are concerned that one of your child's friends might be a bad influence, then let your teen know and ask what they like about the person.Say, "Charlie seems like a bad influence to me."What do you think about spending time with him?
Step 9: You should be available.
An open door policy about communication is the first rule of getting your teen to listen to you.They will be more likely to talk and listen to you if you are present and available.Tell your teen, "I'm here to talk or listen whenever you need to."Follow through.Give your attention to your teen when he is nearby.
Step 10: Show open body language.
Do you want your teen to talk to you?You have to open up to them.Positive body language will make them feel more comfortable talking to you.To face them, turn your body.Relax at your sides if you cross your arms and legs.You should relax your facial expression so that you appear calm.
Step 11: Don't make the judgments.
Both parents and teens agree that no one likes to be judged.Your teen may shut down if you come off as critical or judgmental.If you want your teen to open up more to talking and listening, remove judgmental phrases from the dialogue.If your teen is confiding in you about something, you can say, "You and Molly did what?"The conversation may end in failure.If you just listen quietly, your teen will keep talking.If you hear them all the way out, you can see that the situation isn't as bad as it seemed.
Step 12: Talk in messages.
The accusatory statements of "You did this" can cause teens to stop communicating with their parents.”I” statements can be used to communicate how you feel.You could say, "I'm disappointed in your science grade, Becca" as opposed to "How can you be failing science?"
Step 13: A model is listening.
Being an active listener can help your teen learn how to listen effectively.You encourage their cooperation by taking the time to hear out your teen instead of talking over them.Don't interrupt.Wait until your teen finishes.Restate what they said to show you were listening and see if you heard them correctly.It sounds like you're saying you feel overwhelmed by your school and home responsibilities.Is it true that I am hearing you right?
Step 14: Praise the good listening skills.
Positive reinforcement can increase the chances of your teen listening in the future.Go out of your way to praise them when you notice they are listening.You could say, "I really appreciate how you turned off the TV to hear me talk."Thanks!
Step 15: It's a good idea to spend one-on-one time with your teen.
Quality time with your teen is important in order to build a close relationship with each of your children.Your teen will be more open and willing to talk when you increase the amount of positive interactions you have.Come up with a hobby or activity for you and your partner.Picking up a project around the home, playing a sport, or watching a show together is what this may involve.Talk to your teen casually during these activities to establish a benchmark for positive communication.
Step 16: Talk during meals.
Dinnertime should be a time for family bonding.Don't let your teen use their cell phone at the dinner table or watch tv while eating, instead talk to them about what's happening in their life.Everyone is expected to share something about their day during dinnertime.You might talk to your children about important issues.
Step 17: Ask them for help.
Teens like to demonstrate their knowledge and skills in order to improve their bond with you.You can see what a smart and capable child you have raised if you ask for their help.Ask your teen for help if you're having trouble with an app on your phone.If you know your teen has good writing skills, ask them to look over your memo or cover letter.
Step 18: While still being an authority figure, respect their privacy and boundaries.
Teens need privacy and space to explore and grow.Give them privacy and respect their space, but remember that you are still the parent.If there is a violation, make sure the rules are clear so your teen knows what will happen.They will trust you if you show them that you trust them.They'll likely be more active in their communication.Unless you have an explicit reason to do so, don't go through their phone or room.It is possible to let your teen spend time in their room or with friends without your constant supervision.
Step 19: Show your teen that you trust them.
You can invite your teen to talk to you about important issues if you let them know that you trust their judgement.Make sure your teen knows that they're appreciated for sharing with you.Teens feel like no one cares about what they say.You can begin building trust by letting them know that you enjoy talking with them and getting to know them better.If you invite your teen to share something about when they were a teen and then ask a question such as "I didn't have to worry about school shootings when I was your age", they'll be more likely to do it.Ask your teen why they think this is a problem and listen respectfully even if you don't agree with their point of view.