The Wine Idiot Reviews all of the Charles Shaw Wines at a discounted price.

The Wine Idiot is me.I don't know if I like wine or not.I review wine at Trader Joe's.I thought about taking a basic wine-tasting class, but then I realized that most people don't have a wine class.Before someone tells me how to like these wines, I should tell you how I like them.Let's do this!

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Someone had to do it.I kept telling myself that as I loaded seven bottles of questionable wine into my cart.I am nothing if not a hero.

When it was only $2 for a bottle, I first heard about Two-Buck Chuck.I wasn't much of a wine-drinker at the time, and all I remember of the conversation was "they're not bad!"I mean for $2.When I drank wine, I wanted it to be good.Two-Buck Chuck is not a good wine.

I started drinking more frequently.I started paying more attention to my bank account.There is UN related.

Two-Buck Chuck was starting to look more appealing.It wasn't bad to have a couple bottles on hand for those dinner parties where you all want to keep going but you've run out of good stuff.

I decided to revisit the Charles Shaw lineup with a more critical eye.The one Charles Shaw wine I remember actually liking is the "Nouveau" Red Table Wine, which they did not have at my TJ's.Maybe it's a seasonal thing?It will have to get its own review after that one didn't make it here.

I made my way through all seven with my mother.I don't know if we ended up getting wasted and blurting out everything we thought about each other during my teenage years.Sadly...no.We didn't want to choke down a full glass of any of these wines.Sorry, but these are not good.Read on to find out what I hated about each one.

The first one we broke open was this one.It tastes very sweet and smells like pear candy.It's smooth and has a small bite when you swallow.I have a lot of pineapple and pear flavors.My mom liked it.She said it's light and sweet, with no bitterness, like other people like in wine.It was easy to drink, but we wanted the other bottles to be better.

Who is responsible for this?I don't know.Trader Joe.I didn't take pictures of the back of labels for this information.Sorry.It's not like the name of the warehouse where they made it is going to help you decide.

I don't know if I need a corkscrew.Yes.You need to know how to get a cork out using only your shoe and physics.

What do people who are smarter say about it?This Pinot Grigio is the best choice for relaxing outdoors, according to Paste Magazine.It makes you want to drink it on a warm summer day.This wine is good for complaining with your co-workers after a long day at work, for lounging on your patio reading a book, and for celebrating being done with weeding your garden.There are enough floral notes to keep it from being too one note.

Is it a good idea to bring it to a friend's house?If you're cheap, you have to bring wine for the punch bowl.

The Wine Idiot says that it has no smell at all.It's seriously.I wrote the first thing in my notes.It's probably terrible in terms of Wine.This is probably objectively awful wine, that's what I mean by that.It has a sour finish.It tastes similar to the Pinot Grigio but without the sweet taste.I tried to find any of the grassy/herby/mineral-y notes I usually taste in sauvignon blanc, but came up empty.I wrote in my notes that I hoped the chard was better.

What do people who are smarter say about it?Most of us at SEHQ would be more likely to reach for a Sauvignon Blanc than a Pinot Grigio, given the choice.We like the bright acidity of Sauvignon Blanc and sometimes find it bland.The lighter flavor of Two Buck Chuck is better than the more offensive Pinot Grigio.

The Wine Idiot said something that made me sad.I wanted to like this one.I wondered if this project was going to be depressing.It's close to being the worst chardonnay I've ever had.It tastes like cookies or caramel, and then it takes you on a flavor journey.Light fruit is boring, but fine.The finish is terrible as you swallow.It reminded me of a cheap chardonnay I had once that tasted like soap.It redeems itself with a little bit of brown-sugar flavor at the tail end.It's not worth going through the dishwater phase to get to the brown sugar phase.

What do people who are smarter say about it?I am not very original, but Thrillist also did this project, and they had an honest-to-goodness sommelier doing the tasting.I get lavender.It was soapy lavender.It reminds me of my dad's bathtub.This is not hard to understand.There is acid, fruit, and a body to it.There is an element of fake oak.It is as if someone took all the wood chips from the playground.

The Wine Idiot says it smells like a Rancher.Mom says it smells like rotten fruit.It's like a cocktail and tastes like fruit juice.It's bland, sweet, and a little richer, but I wouldn't call it complex.I wrote "empty calories" in my tasting notes.

What do people who are smarter say about it?White Zinfandel is the #1 tip-off to a bartender that someone is using a fake ID, according to Paste Magazine.I am embarrassed to say that I let this one touch my lips, but I will do things for the sake of journalism.No one should be drinking White Zinfandel regardless of the cost.It tastes like fruit.It is a pretty pink color.But seriously.You are already drinking wine.Do you want to stoop as low as possible?If you finish off a bottle of this by yourself, you will have a bad reaction the next day.I'm going to vomit while I think about it.

Is it a good idea to bring it to a friend's house?I'm going to side with Paste and say that it's a sorority house.

The Wine Idiot said "surely these will be better!" after we switched to reds.That's right.I tasted something metallic, like biting on a penny, and it made my mouth feel weird, even though I thought this was fine.It's not good.It is a blessed change from the previous wines that there are different flavors bubbling up, and you hope that the noise settles into what one might call an "interesting" wine.This goes in a different direction.It's gross.

What do people who are smarter say about it?The Shiraz had flavors that reminded us of rubber boots and grape gumdrops.

I have to admit, at this point, I got cranky.I thought it was going to turn things around, but it didn't.I think it made me all puckered up.Who knows?I didn't like it.It's a little spicy.I tried this one and it made my teeth feel like they were going to fall out.

What do people who are smarter say about it?The writer had his girlfriend taste it, and he thought it was a roasted red pepper.I had it, but I lost it.What are those things?There are cherry cordials.When you finish swallowing, your mouth goes dry.It shocks you, then it dries your mouth.This is not bad.

Some people like that mouth-go-dry thing.I do not.Maybe this isn't as bad as I think it is.

Is it a good idea to bring it to a friend's house?You don't like your friend very much if he likes mouth-puckering dry reds.

The Wine Idiot says that this one is drinkable.It's smoother and a little jammy than the others.I wrote in my notes that I was not excited about Two-Buck Chuck.It redeemed this endeavor, but it wasn't very good.I threw away the rest of the bottle because I did not pour myself a glass.

What do people who are smarter say about it?The winner was the Cabernet Sauvignon which was a little overly sweet and juicy, but not too harsh, with pleasant plum notes.We're not saying it was great, but it's good.

Is it a good idea to bring it to a friend's house?Yes, if you were asked to bring a wine under $3.You won't be embarrassed if you bring a bottle.

What did I learn?The wines cost $2.49 for a reason.They're probably made from the grapes that were swept off the floor after making the wine.It's a great deal, but I don't think drinking any of them is worth the calories.I will review the Nouveau Red Table Wine when I find it.