When friends treat you differently after your spouse dies, you have to adjust.
After a spouse dies, there are many endings and beginnings.You leave the role of a married partner to be a widow.Many people expect the grieving period to be very hard, but they are surprised by how their social life becomes challenging as well.When your spouse dies, you may notice that your relationship with some friends is growing distant.If you want to cope with changes in your friends after the death of a spouse, call out the awkwardness, redefine yourself as a social person, and learn to accept your new reality, you should do this.
Step 1: Be clear about the elephant in the room.
Don't count visits from friends as a loss and suffer in silence if phone calls suddenly stop.Many people who are adjusting to widowhood will simply let their relationships end.If you reach out to your estranged friends, you may find that they really want to be there for you, but you don't know how.I lost my spouse, but I didn't expect to lose you as well.What is happening with us?If you reach out, you may be able to help them understand that you are still interested in continuing the friendship.
Step 2: Explain what you need support for.
Unless you have a friend who has been in your shoes, most people don't know how to help you.They grow distant because they feel powerless.As you grieve, you can clearly state what you want your friends to do for you.You can help your friends support you by giving them a solid responsibility.Don't assume they know what you need.It would be great if we could continue our Thursday night movies together.I could use a distraction at least once a week.Are you going to take the children to the park this Saturday?You may not have a specific request for your friends, but try to come up with a few things.You could ask one friend to text you an encouraging quote a few times each week, or another friend could be your go-to person for a laugh when you need it.
Step 3: Don't get stuck in the role.
People shouldn't make you feel guilty about how you grieve.You are not meeting the expectations of your friends and they may treat you differently.A friend becomes judgmental when you reenter the dating scene after a year or so.She asks, "Don't you think it's disrespectful to be dating this soon?" Your impulse might be to ignore her, but this shuts down the dialogue.If you feel it is appropriate to move forward with your life, you can share your experience.My husband has been gone for a year-and-a-half and I know he wouldn't want me to grieve the rest of my life.I want someone I can have fun with.I will give this dating thing a try.
Step 4: New ground rules for your friends are needed.
It is time to redefine who you are as a social person.You don't have to compromise on your choices when you're a widow.Do you know what you want for your life?What kind of people would I like to hang out with?Maybe you used to not have gatherings at home, but now you do.Maybe now you can visit that friend on the opposite coast who you only see once a year.It is not necessary to maintain the same equilibrium that existed before your spouse died.You can not.Don't stay in contact with their friends from work or college if you no longer want to.
Step 5: Don't wait to begin.
You need to engage with others if you want to send a message.It will depend on your level of commitment and effort to bring a sense of fulfillment back into your social life.Some friends may become distant.Many other friends, family members, and coworkers would love to have a chat, share a cup of coffee, or take a gym class with you.Don't wait for someone to join you if you're lonely.Seek it out.You have to call a different person every day.You have to train your friends on how to navigate in this new territory by asking people over for dinner or drinks a few times a month.If you want to have a fulfilling social life, you need to build a habit of taking initiative.
Step 6: Define your social life to be that of a widow.
You can keep old friends and make new ones.It is up to you.Staying open to new people and experiences will help you discover what you want from your social life.This is a time when you can change who you are as a person.A goal is to go on an outing at least once a week.If you are going through the same experience, join a support group.You can go to a meditation class.If you want to see yourself as you truly are, spend time with people who value you.
Step 7: New hobbies to develop.
Exploring new interests is one way to embrace your new self.You may want to join your regular book club.You should try out other hobbies as well.It can help you add meaning to your life, introduce you to like-minded people, and improve your mood.There are many ways to explore new interests.You can start volunteering with a local organization.You can join a class.You can start an exercise habit by going to the gym or hiking.You should keep the hobbies you like, and toss the ones that don't serve you anymore.
Step 8: Consider dating now.
Everyone grieves the loss of a spouse differently.Don't feel pressured to rejoin the dating pool until you're ready.If you want to be with someone, you should not be ashamed.Try some of the strategies to make dating easier.You can connect with people you know from high school or college.You can join an online dating site.Follow safe practices.Keep an open mind.Don't compare every new person to your spouse.When you are ready, save intimacy.Let your date know that you need time.
Step 9: People may not know how to be present for you.
It can be easy to fall into a rut if you think no one cares about you or wants to be around you.If some of your friends start acting strange or treat you differently, try to have compassion for them.Imagine what it would be like to wear their shoes.Do you know what the right thing to do is?If your answer is no, try to be less judgmental about their behavior.
Step 10: Some of your relationships may never be the same.
Some friends won't follow you into this new chapter of life as upsetting as it is.Some people who only knew you as a happy-go-lucky person may not be able to cope with your death.Married friends may not know how to include you in activities for couples.Don't keep friends who are unreliable or toxic around you.There are many people out there who can offer you support without being negative.If you used to spend time with a lot of couples, they may not know if you still want to attend their events.Even though you are no longer part of the couple, you would still like to be included.To prepare for challenging the idea that you are a "5th wheel", you may want to consider if indeed you do want that.
Step 11: If you need assistance, get it from a professional.
It can be difficult to grieve a spouse.Don't hesitate to seek the services of a mental health therapist if you find yourself struggling to adjust to your new reality.You can learn to cope with widowhood and develop skills to maintain and build friends with the help of therapists with bereavement experience.