It's difficult to know what you want out of a relationship if you're young or inexperienced.Even if you've dated many other people, every relationship is unique, and you might have different priorities now than you have had in the past.It is worth it to find out what you want in a relationship.
Step 1: A list of non-negotiables should be developed.
If you want to understand what you don't want in a relationship, it's best to inform yourself.You know exactly what you don't want when it comes to figuring out what to want.Put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match.Research shows that deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are: having anger issues or abusive behaviors, dating several people at once, being in a relationship or married, having a drug or alcohol problem, and poor hygiene.
Step 2: You don't want to compromise on your personal values.
The sort of life you want to lead is outlined in your personal values.It is unlikely that a romantic partner will share the same values as you.To know which principles and beliefs you are not willing to compromise, you need to know what yours are.You are unlikely to mesh well with a partner who lies if you think honesty is important.If your partner expects you to lie, it will cause a rift in the relationship.If you could change something about the community you live in, what would it be?Why?Who are the two people you admire the most?What do you like about these people?What three items would you save if your home caught on fire?Why?Which moment in your life made you happy?What made you feel that way?
Step 3: Take into account any previous relationship patterns.
Think about the relationships you had in the past.Consider the factors that contributed to the dissolution of a relationship.Did those relationships leave you dissatisfied or unhappy?You can uncover negative patterns from your relationships with past lovers, friends, or family members that didn't fulfill you.The problem areas are a foundation for what you don't want in the future.
Step 4: Have you noticed any problems in the relationships around you?
Relationships affect you as well.Have you spent time with people who were in romantic relationships?You may have been aware of the issues these individuals had.Your sister might have been devastated after her boyfriend cheated.It's important to be faithful in a relationship if you help her through this time.Take note of any red flags from other relationships that you don't want to have happen in your own.Learning from other people's mistakes can help you in the future.
Step 5: First, love yourself.
Many people wrongly search for a romantic partner.You should already be complete on your own.It means having self-love that is not dependent on anyone else.Creating a list of your favorite qualities is a way to show love to yourself.You are friendly, your smile is good, etc.Speaking to yourself in a gentle, loving way as you would a friend, becoming aware of your inner needs and desires, and living in accordance with them.
Step 6: Think about the kind of relationship you want.
What are your expectations for yourself and your partner?Try to be as objective as possible.This will help you figure out the kind of relationship you actually want by helping you identify the types of people you want to stop seeing.You might think you're ready to settle down, but deep down you know you aren't.You know from past relationships that you get too emotionally invested if you think you just want to have some casual fun.
Step 7: Make your list of deal-breakers more important.
Return to your list of deal-breakers.By knowing what you don't want, you can uncover things that you do.Positive qualities that you desire in a relationship can be transformed into deal-breakers.If a deal-breaker was someone with a drug or alcohol problem, you might change that into a concern for physical and mental health.You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who uses drugs or alcohol abusively, so you would look for someone that seems to prioritize health.As you think of them, add more 'nice-to-have' qualities.You should be completely honest with yourself.If you're looking for a deal, put physical attractiveness down.Intelligence, patience, and empathy are qualities that don't have to do with looks.Religion and politics are things that may or may not be relevant to you.No matter how trivial it seems, don't leave anything out.
Step 8: The person you want to date should be you.
One way to maximize on the process of discovering your ideal partner is to embody the qualities you are looking for.This method allows you to check whether your expectations are realistic and it also gives you a chance to assess what you are willing to give in a relationship.It is unreasonable to have a list of demands without changing them.A partner that will likely attract someone like you will be personifying the traits you desire.If physical health and well-being is an important quality you are asking for in a partner, try to spend a month focusing on your own health, eating well, exercising, fighting stress, and getting sleep.Good habits need to be maintained after the month is over.Be rich is a quality you wish for.If you can't become rich out of the blue, then you may want to look for something that is financially stable.
Step 9: Go out with a few people.
The best way to figure out what you want in a relationship is to start dating casually.Go out for coffee, ice cream, or drinks with people who seem to meet your standards.Before you enter this domain, know your limitations.You might not want to be intimate with a lot of people at the same time.To prevent hurt feelings, make sure you communicate that you are dating casually.If you don't feel a natural connection, you should stop seeing someone.Cut ties with everyone else if you start to feel more attracted to one person over another.
Step 10: Evaluate your compatibility.
As you casually date a few people, think about how they match up with your personal values, goals and dreams.No one is representing qualities from your deal-breakers list.Don't forget about your own needs as you get to know this person.You may feel more connected to one person over others at this point.If you want to maintain fidelity and strengthen your relationship with this person, you need to cut off all ties with other people.You might not have real chemistry with someone in person, even if they seem like a good match on paper.That's okay!Move on to a different suitor instead of trying to force it.
Step 11: The relationship can be visualized beyond the honeymoon phase.
The beginning of a relationship is when you see your partner through glasses.Everything the other person says or does is charming.The perfect aura around this person starts to fade.Look beyond the crazy-in-love phase to how things will be for several months or years.As the rose-colored glasses come off, the seemingly small things that annoy you about your partner will be magnified.Return to your list and make sure that you don't overlook any important values or qualities due to being head-over-heels.Are you going to be able to ignore how your girlfriend piles dishes in the sink for days on end if it was important to you at the beginning?If you dislike your partner's quirks, consider breaking up with them for any perceived slight.Make sure you don't overlook any non-negotiables.
Step 12: You should communicate with your partner.
If you and your partner share similar values, goals, interests, and outlooks on life, then it's time to talk about where you stand.You need to make sure that the person you are in a relationship with feels the same as you do.You should be straightforward about your feelings.It is better to know if your partner is interested in a long-term relationship early on.Don't think you can change his or her mind.If you want to express your feelings about this relationship, ask your mate for some quiet time.Over the past few months, I have really enjoyed getting to know you.It is important to find out whether your partner sees the long-term for the two of you and whether he or she is ready to become mutually exclusive.