You should cut ties with family members who hurt you.
When you are hurt by a family member, it can be even harder to overcome.Sometimes cutting ties with a family member is the best thing you can do for your mental health, even if the person did one really unforgivable thing or you are ready to walk away from a pattern of abusive behavior.Setting clear boundaries and turning to the people who love you will allow you to move on.
Step 1: There is a big picture of your relationship with your family member.
This person might be nice for a while, and they might love you.They may be a good person in other areas of their life.This does not mean that the relationship is healthy for you.Even if a person is usually nice to you, it may be because they have hurt you so much that you have a hard time moving on.You might want to take a break from them to focus on yourself.
Step 2: The person's behavior should not be rationalized.
It doesn't matter if they're sorry or not.If you feel like you'd be better off without that person in your life, you have to make the choice that's right for you.If someone is frequently unkind to you, don't rationalize their behavior by saying, "He must have had a bad day," or "She's been under a lot of stress lately."If I had accused him of lying, he wouldn't have hit me.It's fine to take their circumstances into account if someone who is nice to you snaps or says something short-tempered.
Step 3: Take into account other family who might be affected.
Family relationships are complicated because of the number of people involved.Since it may affect your relationships with them as well, you have to take the rest of the family into account when you decide to cut someone out of your life.Sometimes this is unavoidable.It might affect your relationship with the other parent if you cut ties with one parent.You might lose contact with your niece or nephew if you have trouble with a sibling.You might not be invited to family holidays or other events where the other family member is present.Don't let this be your only deciding factor, as there will likely be some family members who will support you.Don't expect other family members to cut off their relationship with a person just because you do.
Step 4: It's a good idea to take a step back from a one-way relationship.
It is likely a toxic relationship if you notice that whenever you talk to your family member, it is all about them.You should keep your contact with that person to a more superficial level because this behavior is unlikely to change.In a situation like this, you may notice that the person uses you for emotional comfort during their troubles, but then becomes disrespectful of you when you talk about the things in your life that are stressed.For someone who only talks to you when they need something from you, it's the same.
Step 5: There are family members who feed off of drama.
It can be difficult to have a healthy relationship with someone in your family who is always at the center of conflict or who spills other people's secrets.You don't have to completely cut off your drama-loving kin, but you are probably better off if you keep them at arm's length.A person who loves drama can sometimes act like your best friend and then push you away if you criticize or contradict them.If someone in your family gossips about you, you should stay away from them.The same is true if a person is dishonest frequently.
Step 6: Avoid people who make you feel stressed.
You have the right to avoid being around people who make you feel bad.If you find that you get stressed out just thinking about being in the same room as a person, avoid situations where you know you will see them.Sometimes a break in a relationship can help soothe your feelings.If you find yourself thinking about the things the person said even when they are not around, you might be better off cutting ties permanently.If a person denies that they said something that hurt someone, then they are unlikely to change in the future, and you should stay away from them.
Step 7: Don't stay in a relationship that is abusive.
Whether it is a parent, grandparent, sibling, or distant relative, any relationship can become abusive.There are a number of different forms of abuse, ranging from being put down or yelled at to being hit, kicked, or sexually abused.If you feel like you are being abused, you should leave that person as soon as possible.The silent treatment, controlling behavior, and constantly being blamed for things you didn't do are some of the signs of abuse.If you are being abused by a parent, you should seek the assistance of a trusted adult.This could be a family member or a teacher at the school.You can call 1-800-4-A-CHILD in the US or the UK.If you are a parent, you can end a relationship with someone you believe has abused your child.
Step 8: If you don't want to end the relationship, take a break.
Sometimes you need to take a break from a person before you can forgive them.If you are very close with the person, they may have done something that was thoughtless.You may be able to do this without having to confront the person.Tell your family member that you are busy, but you will catch up soon.Let them know how much they hurt you so they won't do it again.
Step 9: If you can't avoid seeing the person, meet on neutral ground.
It's not practical to cut ties completely with your family member, so try meeting in a public space when you need to talk.If you need to walk away, ask them to join you at a coffee shop, park, or restaurant.You will be less likely to get your point across if you talk to your grandmother in the house she has lived in for 35 years.If the other person doesn't leave when you ask them to, you can feel like your safe space has been violated.
Step 10: If you decide to speak to the person face-to-face, stay calm.
If you decide to cut ties with the person who hurt you, you may want to have a talk with them to let them know.Let the person know that you no longer want to visit, and they won't be able to reach you.These conversations can be emotional, but try to stay calm and remember that soon this drama will be over.If you plan out what you are going to say, you can stay calm.You may not have time to plan what you are going to say if you have been thinking about the fact that you don't want to participate in a toxic relationship anymore.Tell them that you need some space.If the person gets very upset, you could say, "I don't want to argue."I need some space right now because I don't think this is a good relationship anymore.Leave as soon as possible.
Step 11: If you want to plan out your words, send an email or letter.
Writing out what you really want to say will help you express yourself in person.Let them know that you will be taking some time away from them.If they claim you said something you didn't say, make a copy of the letter and reference it.If the family member has a history of twisting your words, disrupting you when you talk, or becoming physically aggressive when they're upset, writing a letter or email is an especially good option.It is up to you whether you want to let them know what they did wrong, or if you would rather just give them an overview.
Step 12: It's important that you're clear about wanting to have distance from the person.
You don't want to leave this conversation open-ended, whether you're talking in person or writing a letter.They won't take you seriously if you think you're just complaining.If you have children, set clear boundaries as to whether your family member can contact them, as well.
Step 13: They might try to manipulate you.
After the conversation, your family member may be angry.They can spread rumors about you, try to get other family members to not speak to you or manipulate you into repairing the relationship.You will be more likely to stay strong if you are prepared for this.Your family member may be sad about your decision to cut ties.You shouldn't be guilted into being around someone who makes you unhappy.
Step 14: Discuss with someone you trust what happened.
When you are dealing with the end of a relationship, you need to find someone to talk to.If you can't find other family members to talk to, try talking to a close friend.Toxic family relationships can affect your self-esteem, so it's a good idea to talk to a counselor.
Step 15: A routine of self-care can be practiced.
If you remove a toxic person from your life, you should try to find positive activities that you enjoy.It is important for you to do the things that make you feel happy and confident.This could mean going back to school, taking up a new hobby, or soaking in a hot tub.If your family member puts you down, acknowledge your strengths.Put a list of the best things about yourself in a place where you will see it every day.
Step 16: You should not dwell on what you wish you had.
It can be hard to remember what your family looked like before the bad things happened.Even a family that looks perfect from the outside can have its own problems, and focus on the good things in your life.If you have an excellent support system in your church, you might have a poor relationship with your children.
Step 17: Future relationships should have healthy boundaries.
You can choose who you spend time with and you don't have to worry about it.This experience will teach you what you can and can't accept from people in your life, and you should be firm about those boundaries in the future.You don't have to put up with a date if you decide to stop being called names by your brother.If you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, practice if/then statements.If someone says something about me that isn't true, then I will speak up immediately, because that's not acceptable.
Step 18: If you choose to, let the person back into your life slowly.
It's up to you if you want to mend your relationship with this person.Take your time if you decide to let this person back into your life.They can prove to you that they can build a relationship with you.You can make your boundaries clear when you re-establish contact.Say something like, "I will not tolerate you making disrespectful comments about my weight."I will not come back if you do that again.If the person has been abusive to you, you should not allow them back into your life.