Many people fear they will become like their parents.In the midst of youthful rebellion, turning into your parent may be frightening.Some of the characteristics of their parents can be taken on by people.There are steps you can take to reduce the transition and retain some sense of your old self.
Step 1: Being aware of your motivation is important.
There must be a reason why you're afraid of being like your mother.If you know how to adapt your own behavior, it will be easier to recognize your motivation.Do you fear what is familiar?Are you trying to avoid the negative behaviors that your parents exhibited?You can proceed on your own if you're afraid of what's familiar.If you are trying to avoid negative behaviors, you may need the help of a qualified therapist.
Step 2: Take a close look at your mother's characteristics.
To avoid becoming like someone, you need to know what you don't like about that person.You have to say that you don't want to be like someone.You will need to figure out the specific behaviors, characteristics, or parenting methods that you hope to avoid.You can make a list of your mother's characteristics.Are you worried that you will become judgmental?Is it a good idea to give unwanted advice?What is your mother doing that scares you?Understand what triggered your mother's negative behavior.Is your mother's behavior a reaction to the behavior of others around her?
Step 3: It's a good idea to limit your contact with your mother.
If you believe that your mother's behavior has a negative impact on your life, you may want to limit your contact with her.If you still live at home, it may not be possible to completely limit all contact, but if you are an adult and you want to avoid taking on negative behaviors your mother exhibits, you should try to spend less time together.As a child or adolescent who lives at home, you can limit your time spent with your mother during times when she is acting negatively.If your mother says something that makes you angry, tell her you don't want to argue and leave the room.If you want to engage with someone who is trying to provoke an argument, go for a walk or sit alone in your room.Limit or cut off contact with a parent may be devastating to them.It's best to work things out with your mother if you have a good relationship with her.If a parent has a history of abuse or neglect, it's best to limit contact.
Step 4: Be aware of your behavior.
You'll need to learn to police your own behavior once you've identified what you want to avoid.Think about how you react to the things that precede your mother's bad behavior.Is it possible to detach yourself from the emotional response you're afraid of?Are you stuck in the behavior you've learned from your mother?It may be helpful to identify the moments in which you lapse into judgmental thinking or say judgmental things if your mother is very judgmental.Some of these moments are easy to identify on your own, while others may require an outsider's input.Ask your friends or relatives to help you understand how you react to certain events.This may help you understand the behavior that you engage in.
Step 5: Pick your own values.
It's important to establish a set of positive values for yourself if you want to be like your mother.Knowing what you believe in and hold important will help you determine the kind of person you want to be, which in turn may help shape the types of friends and relationships you cultivate.To help you figure out your values, it may be helpful to reflect on: who you respect, what objects hold the most sentimental value to you, and what times in your life felt most rewarding or fulfilling.
Step 6: Do you respond to conflict in the right way?
Sometimes a child must be mature in order to be a parent in an ideal world.If you want to avoid arguments with your mother, you should step back and assess how you respond to conflict.You may need to change your approach to conflict with difficult people if you have a reactive personality.People who are prone to reaching emotional conclusions very quickly.These individuals may feel out of control when it comes to their emotional responses because they are determined by the other person.You may be a reactive person if you find yourself having an elevated pulse during verbal conflicts with your mother, or starting fights at the drop of a hat.Before reacting to the problem, distance yourself from it.People who are reactive tend to respond immediately to conflict or the perceived initiation of conflict with an angry, emotional response.Before you say anything or do anything, give yourself a moment to think about what a positive response would be.It's a good idea to be aware.It is possible to gain greater insight into the roots of your problems and find more constructive ways to deal with them by practicing meditation.
Step 7: It is a good idea to avoid taking things personally.
Learning to disengage from what's being said to you may help if your mother has a tendency to make things about yourself that you are fearful of inheriting.You can learn to let go of resentment and personal frustration with time and effort.Don't look at it from your perspective.It can be hard to imagine a situation from someone else's point of view, but it is important to distance yourself from bad behavior.If your mother's behavior is getting on your nerves, or if you worry you'll end up behaving like her, try to see things from her perspective.Is it her way of trying to show you she cares, or is she engaging in over-protective behavior to ruin your life?Resist your intuitive reactions.Many people react emotionally without giving proper time to process what has been said.Take a few seconds to process what you've heard or seen and what an appropriate, level-headed response might be.Don't jump to conclusions.It can be easy to assume that anything you say about your mother is critical.It's possible that you're reading too much into things, or personalizing something that wasn't meant to be directed at you.If your mother says something critical or hurts you, it's probably because she doesn't know how to deal with it.
Step 8: Be aware of your own individuality.
You're still your own person, even if you fear being like your mom.You can pick up certain behaviors that your mother taught you, but you are not the same person.Think about the things that make you unique.You can celebrate the things that make you who you are, whether it's your taste in music, your hobbies, or your hopes and dreams.
Step 9: A therapist is a good option.
If you feel powerless in changing your behavior, talk to a therapist.A therapist can help you work through behavioral issues and learn to respond in a more constructive way.Ask your primary care giver for a referral or search online for therapists near you.
Step 10: Your mother's parents should be considered.
Think about if your mother's bad behavior is something she learned from her parents.People pick up characteristics from their parents.It doesn't mean that your mother is aware of her own bad behavior if you know about it.She might have been taught to behave that way by her parents.It's easy to blame your mother for her behavior, but it may not be her fault.Try to talk to your mother about the behavior you don't like.You might learn that your mother regrets the way she has acted.Ask your mother questions.What was your relationship like with your grandma?What were grandparents like as parents?
Step 11: Understand the behavior that you've learned.
It's impossible to avoid becoming like our parents according to many psychologists.To become more aware of our own behavior, we need to identify the negative traits we resent the most.Most people act like their parents around the age of 32, according to some studies.Our brains are wired to make us like our parents.Even if those paths are not what we want them to be, the brain will still seek the most familiar ones.
Step 12: You should try to accept positive behaviors.
It's important to avoid certain behaviors in your life if you resent your mother for them.There is a good chance that you have some positive behaviors or characteristics from your mother.If you learn to appreciate the good inherited behaviors your mother passed on to you, you can come to accept the adult you've become.