A marriage is dependent on a trusting relationship.When trust has been broken due to infidelity, substance abuse, or something else, both people in the marriage must make a conscious effort to rebuild it.It is possible to rebuild a marriage by restoring trust.There are steps that each person can take to rebuild the marriage.
Step 1: Do you want to rebuild your marriage?
If you don't commit yourself to rebuilding the marriage, you will not be able to participate in restoring trust.Making an honest decision to rebuild your marriage rather than abandon it is the first step of practicing rigorous honesty required for this process.People end marriages rather than rebuild them.This isn't a failure or a bad thing, it's just the outcome of the situation.If this is the case for you, you'll be spending your time trying to rebuild rather than moving on.Once you've decided not to rebuild your marriage, your relationship with your spouse could improve.Only you can decide if you want to rebuild your marriage.Your friends and family are often vocal about what you should do.This is how it is.You have to make your own decisions and decide what's true for you.There are children in a marriage.Staying together for the sake of the children is not a good idea.Children deal with divorce.
Step 2: What kind of marriage do you want?
If you've changed your ideas about what you want in a marriage, you should consider whether they're realistic.People can grow apart.How you were 10 years ago may not reflect who you are today.The other person might not change in the same way.This can cause issues.It doesn't mean that either of you are bad.It's important to know what your partner wants.He or she might not be happy.Newlyweds often have idealistic expectations of what marriage should be like.Young couples are especially affected by this.Even if the other partner has not done anything wrong, they might feel betrayed when these ideas aren't always realized.Examining unrealistic standards can help a marriage.People who experience a crisis in their marriage tend to have stronger marriages.Reexamining your expectations about marriage is a part of rebuilding a marriage.You will need to work out a compromise if you and your spouse have different ideas about what a marriage should look like.To rebuild a marriage, both partners have to be committed.It is not possible to rebuild a marriage if only one person is willing and able to do it.Sometimes one partner desperately wants to repair the marriage and the other is not going to do it.Sometimes one partner is in denial about the commitment to rebuilding.What kind of marriage do you want?A good marriage has clear expectations, shared visions, and goals which will not be the same from marriage to marriage.You need to know what that is for.What went wrong for you is an opportunity to examine what you want to change.
Step 3: Ask for help.
It is very difficult to rebuild a marriage.It is helpful to talk to a professional.This person could be a counselor, priest, rabbi, or other religious leader with training in marriage counseling.Someone who isn't emotionally involved in your marriage may be able to help you see patterns of communication that are negatively impacting your relationship.It can be difficult to change communication patterns on your own.If you want to rebuild a marriage, you'll need another person's help to learn to recognize communication that leaves you feeling depressed, or wanting to leave the conversation.A counselor or therapist can help you remember how intimate you were when you and your spouse became roommates.It might be useful to talk to a professional if you feel like the only reason to rebuild the marriage is for the sake of the children.Staying together for the sake of the children is not an adequate reason to rebuild your marriage.It is true that there is a reason to try to make a marriage work.
Step 4: There are steps to rebuild trust.
If you are responsible for breaking the trust in your marriage, you will need to take additional steps.Allow complete openness regarding your plans and communications, and make a commitment to telling the truth.Don't hold anything back.If you can, try to keep details of the past transgression to yourself.It is important to give the other spouse accurate information.Relating betrayals doesn't help your spouse move on.It's important for one person to get answers about something else.Let your spouse make an accounting of what he or she wants.It will take time to rebuild trust even if you come clean.Your spouse may not approve of you having a separate bank account or having drinks with someone of the opposite sex.Break contact with certain individuals, change jobs, or give up drinking without the other spouse present are some of the steps you may have to take to rebuild trust.It is possible to learn more about your own reasons for breaking trust with your spouse.Learning about your emotional vulnerabilities is what this means.You should be open about this process with your spouse.You shouldn't blame someone else for your betrayal.If you want to rebuild your marriage, you need to take full responsibility for your actions.
Step 5: You should focus on rebuilding your friendship.
A happy, lasting relationship can be experienced by married couples who have a strong friendship.Building your friendship is a good place to start if you don't have a great friendship with your spouse.Spending quality time together talking to each other about your lives, hopes, and dreams is one of the things you can do to improve your friendship with your spouse.
Step 6: You should notice the good in your spouse.
Don't say anything bad about your spouse to anyone outside of your marriage.Positive things your spouse has done are what you should say when talking to your family and friends.Tell your spouse what you like about him.Negative qualities are what a marriage in need of rebuilding will focus on.It's possible to change a lot about your marriage by focusing on positive qualities.The negative observations should be eliminated.You'll likely notice a difference if you only state two positive qualities about your spouse in a week.
Step 7: Make adjustments to your expectations.
It's easy to create an internal checklist of what a perfect spouse would look like, but it is not realistic to expect your partner to fit that mold.You don't have to like everything about your spouse.Building a marriage involves learning to accept each other's limitations.You can learn to develop a realistic form of trust.The quality of your marriage is undermined by living with resentments.There are disagreements within a marriage.Two people in a marriage can agree to disagree without compromising trust by adjusting their expectations.Deep satisfaction and trust don't have to be compromised by a disagreement.
Step 8: Try to change yourself.
Dissatisfaction with one's own life is one of the reasons for a marriage to fall apart.Rather than looking to your spouse to provide for you, try making some of the changes yourself.If you stop doing certain activities because your spouse doesn't care for them, try doing them again.You don't have to do everything at the same time.Join a hiking group if you enjoy hiking.Honesty will help you rebuild your marriage.If these are large or small, look for areas where you can improve.Learning to identify your challenges will help you forgive your spouse.
Step 9: Set an ultimatum.
It's the only way to rebuild a relationship if you say what needs to change.An alcoholic may need to stop drinking in order to rebuild a relationship.If you are married to a person who is addicted, it's okay to say that the person needs treatment before the marriage can be rebuilt.A 12-step group, such as Al-Anon, can be helpful in learning more about healthy boundaries.Follow through if you set an ultimatum.The behavior will continue if the ultimatums are not really an ultimatum.Some ultimatums are not about drug addiction.It can be about something that is putting your marriage at risk.affairs, excessive hours at work, getting control of spending are some of the things this could include.
Step 10: Let go.
You may have trouble addressing real issues in the present if you bring up issues from the past.It is a good idea to take a break from discussing betrayals.Focus on the marriage as it is right now.Your marriage is yours today, no matter what your parents did or didn't do.Don't blame your spouse or use the past to justify your actions."You always" and "you never" should be removed from your vocabulary.This kind of thinking prevents you from moving forward in the rebuilding process because it sees current behaviors through the lens of the past.It's normal to feel resentments about things that happened in the past.Don't relive the events of the past if you want to attend to your feelings.You should remind yourself that it's in the past.
Step 11: Take care of your feelings to each other.
Many people are taught not to talk about their feelings.An essential part of rebuilding a marriage is this.bravery is required in an intimate relationship.Rather than blaming the other person, saying your feelings means taking responsibility for them.Continue to deepen your relationship as you move past the initial rebuilding stage.Developing trust and vulnerability is the best way to do this.You can find ways to practice talking about feelings.Setting a "date night" where honest communication can happen helps some marriages.Writing can be used to communicate difficult feelings.
Step 12: Avoid being blamed.
Each partner takes responsibility for her own thoughts, feelings, and words in a healthy marriage.There is a choice in how you respond to each other.When talking about sensitive subjects with your spouse, use "I" statements.If you want to stick to your own perspective, don't say "You did..." or " You felt...".This simple technique will open the conversation to a deeper level of honesty.Don't be defensive if your partner blames you.This only makes the situation worse.Speak honestly about your feelings.Your emotions and emotional reactions are yours to control.They are not your spouse's responsibility.
Step 13: You can learn to repair after an argument.
Even in the healthiest marriage there can be disagreements.The damage they do can be minimized by exiting the argument.Using humor, finding ways to agree with one another, and showing sincere appreciation for the other person's perspective are some of the ways that couples find to repair their relationship after an argument.Keeping your commitment to each other helps keep your argument in perspective."How important is it?" is an adage.Neither of you will remember the argument in 20 years.Being right in this disagreement is not more important than your relationship.Even during an argument, you can focus on the positives.It's an excellent practice to do this and offer deeper insight into your marriage.
Step 14: The right help can be found.
Understanding the patterns that developed in your marriage can be helped by a therapist, professional or religious counselor.Discuss what resources you might need to rebuild your marriage.The person who helps you rebuild as a couple must be willing to work for both of you.If you are a deeply religious person but your spouse is not, a religious counselor might not be the best choice.Use a professional marriage counselor instead.A couple that knows more about how their problems develop may be able to better resolve them.While you rebuild your marriage, a counselor can help you learn to be patient with each other.
Step 15: Practice being patient.
It will take time to rebuild a marriage.It will take time to change long-established patterns.Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's acting sincerely.Don't rush it.Each person has their own issues with forgiveness and trust.Allow your spouse to develop these qualities for himself, and allow yourself to do the same.If these do not develop immediately, don't panic.Take some time apart from one another to calm down if you are angry or frustrated.