Most of the sex education and resources are geared towards cis people.This can make it difficult to navigate sex.Whether you're in a relationship, curious about casual sex, or just feel lost about exploring sex as a trans person, you can have a sex life that's both safe and empowering.Medical terminology is used for genitals to avoid confusion.
Step 1: There are many myths around sex.
Transphobia is common in dating and sex, and information about sex is often cis-focused.Many people's self-esteem can be hurt by this.Old messages about sex don't include trans people and are harmful to everyone, even cis people.You don't need to be penetrated if you have a penis and a vagina.That doesn't mean you have to like or dislike those things.Transfeminine people don't have to have sex with men because they're not all asexual.No matter what your gender is, you can be gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, or any other orientation.Sex is still sex, and can be just as satisfying, if not more so.You don't need to be penetrated for it to count.Sex should be enjoyable for everyone.The focus should be on consent and pleasure.Your gender doesn't make you unattractive.Sex lives can be happy and healthy for trans and nonbinary people.
Step 2: Do you know if you are ready?
If you're young, inexperienced, or in a new relationship, you might not know if you are ready for sex.Some people are ready earlier than others.Do you really want to have sex, or do you think you should?You don't have to have sex.If you think it will make you more mature, don't do it.Are you able to get healthcare related to sex?Is it possible to get protection, birth control, and sexual health screenings?Do you enjoy spending time with your partner?Regardless of whether you love them or not, you should want to have sex with them because you're attracted to them.Did you come out to your partner?Is your relationship stable?Sex won't save a failing relationship or make your partner treat you better, even if they say otherwise.Do you think your partner will listen to you when you say no?Is it possible to trust them to not do anything you don't like?Are you close to your partner?Some people are okay with casual hookups, others need a strong bond with their partner, and some people only want to have sex after marriage.Do you know what to do if you get an STD, injury from sex, or accidentally get pregnant?Are you comfortable with the idea of having sex, or are you scared about it?You're probably not ready if you feel uncomfortable.
Step 3: You have to decide on your sexual boundaries.
Everyone has sexual boundaries and things they aren't willing to do.Take the time to think about what you're comfortable with, what's not, and how you might be willing to explore.If you're okay with having your genitals touched, your chest is off-limits.If you're willing to try anal sex but aren't okay with vaginal sex, you might be fine with giving oral sex.Think about the boundaries of gendered things as well.What do you think about things like masculine or feminine nicknames, names or slang for body parts, or certain types of gendered roleplaying or kink?It's okay to have differing opinions about certain things or about your boundaries.It doesn't mean anything about your gender.
Step 4: You can explore your sexual preferences.
It's difficult to have sex with someone if you don't know what you like and dislike.While your interests and preferences can change over time and depend on who you're with, exploring on your own can give you an idea of what you might like with someone else.You might not like the names of your genitals."bits", "front hole" or "strapless" are examples of gender neutral terms.To explore what kind of roles, affection, positions, and nicknames interest you or feel good to you, use fantasy.It's a good idea to figure out what makes you feel confident.Are you attractive or sexy when you wear clothes, sit in certain positions, dance, or massage yourself non-sexually?Masturbate to find out what makes you happy.Physical barriers, like clothes, pillows, or sex toys, can be used if you're not comfortable touching yourself.
Step 5: Talk to your partner.
Talking to your partner about sex needs to go beyond "I want to have sex with you" - it also means discussing safety, boundaries, pleasure, and what's affirming to you both.Regardless of who you're having sex with, you should be able to have open and honest conversations about sex, so you can both lay out your needs and desires.What you call your genitals or secondary sex characteristics, and what they prefer to be called, should be discussed with your partner.You can't go over everything in a single conversation, and both of your needs and wishes can change over time.A healthy sexual relationship involves regular communication about sex.
Step 6: If you're taking estrogen, you should know what to expect.
If you were assigned male at birth, you're probably expecting changes in your body shape and skin, but not everyone is aware of the effects of estrogen on sex drive and your sex life.Sex drive may be affected by anti-androgens and estrogen.You may find that you don't desire sex as much as you used to.It's common to desire sex more than you used to, especially if HRT has relieved dysphoria.You may find that you like things you used to dislike.Some people find that their sexual orientation changes.Sexual arousal, touch, and orgasm may feel different if you feel them throughout more of your body, as well as your groin.It might be more difficult to reach orgasm.Your nipples may be more sensitive to touch as you begin growing breasts.They may be painful while they're growing.The skin on your testicles and penis might be thin.Pain or bleeding can be caused by rough handling of your genitals.If you bleed, see your doctor.It may be difficult to get or maintain an erection.You might not be able to penetrate someone if you achieve an erection.If you still want to penetrate your partner, ask your doctor if you can take Viagra or a similar medication.You can still achieve orgasm and release precum, but you may not ejaculate very much.The sperm count will go down.You can still have a baby with your sperm.
Step 7: If you're taking testosterone, know what to expect.
If you were assigned female at birth, you'll typically expect to grow facial hair and experience a voice drop, but testosterone has a marked effect on your sex drive and sex life.Sex drive may increase with testosterone.You might want to have sex more often.Some people might experience an initial drop in sex drive.You may find that you like things you used to dislike.Some people find that their sexual orientation changes.Sexual arousal, touch, and orgasm may feel different if it is more focused in your genital region.It might be more difficult to reach orgasm.clitoral growth will occur.The amount varies per person, but on average it will grow between one and two inches larger.Early on, the area may be sensitive or even painful.Your vagina will become dryer, it won't lubricate itself as effectively, and you may experience some atrophy.Vaginal play without lubrication may cause pain and bleeding.If you bleed, see your doctor.As a result of body fat redistribution, your breasts may become smaller.You won't become flat-chested.Your periods will stop eventually.You can potentially become pregnant by ovulating.
Step 8: Sex guides for trans people can be found.
Sex guides are usually geared towards straight and cis couples, but there are some that cater to trans people.It is possible to improve your sex life by learning about safer sex and different sexual strategies.Walker-Whitman's Safer Sex for Trans Bodies is one of the general guides for trans people.Mira Bellweather's Fuck Trans Women is one of the books that transfeminine people can read.Primed2 is an article for trans men who have sex with men.
Step 9: You shouldn't make yourself uncomfortable to please your partner.
It is possible that your partner is attracted to or aroused by parts of your body that you are not comfortable with.You might not like certain positions or activities.Don't sacrifice your comfort in order to make your partner feel good, but work with them to find what you both enjoy.It's okay to tell your partner that you don't want to do it."I'm not into that, or I don't want to be touched there" can be used.Your partner should not force you into things you don't want.
Step 10: You should talk to a therapist.
It's not uncommon for trans or nonbinary people to have worries about sex, for example, you might feel anxious about letting your partner see your body, or regularly "freeze up" during sex.Sex can be difficult if you've experienced any kind of sexual or romantic trauma.If sex presents a problem for you, you should look for a therapist who can help you identify and work through what's causing your difficulties.If you're concerned about sex or past sexual experiences, it's a good idea to visit a sex therapist.Sex can be affected by other things.If you're struggling with mental illness, have a history of abuse, deal with chronic stress, or otherwise don't feel at your best, seek out therapy for the underlying issues.
Step 11: You should get a sexual health checkup.
You and your partner should be screened before having sex.If you and your partner are clear of sexually transmitted infections, you should get a sexual health screening.Do you know what to expect when you get screened?It depends on your sex life.If you're in a long-term monogamous relationship and everyone is clear, annual checkups are usually enough.If you have casual sex, are in an open relationship, or have a partner with an STD, you should be tested every three to six months.It's important to make sure you're protected against diseases that can be sexually transmitted.The vaccines are safe to receive during adulthood.The vaccine is usually given up by the age of 45.Sex-specific health screenings are important.It's not comfortable to get your genitals or breasts examined, but skipping these screenings means you may not catch health issues or cancers early on.
Step 12: If applicable, consider the safety of your HRT method.
If you're using hormones for HRT, be aware that they can be transferred through skin-to-skin contact.If your partner comes into contact with your hormones, their estrogen or testosterone levels could be affected and cause health problems or unwanted physical changes.You can either switch to injections or pills, which don't carry this risk, or you can keep your partner out of it.If you can't switch to a non-missible method, try having sex or covering up the affected area with clothing.Injections are generally safe, but sharing needles can cause infections.Don't share new needles.If you don't have needles, get new ones at a pharmacy or ask your doctor for them.
Step 13: If you've had gender-affirming surgeries, talk to your doctor.
It's important to talk to your doctor before having sex if you've had any type of surgery.Taking extra precautions with certain types of sex and refraining from certain activities for a set amount of time may be necessary.Your doctor should be able to give you advice on how to make sex more comfortable, as well as tell you about any changes you might experience during sex.Most surgery doesn't affect your risk.If you have had a vaginoplasty and your vagina contains tissue from your colon, you are more likely to get a STD.It is possible to have different, reduced or total loss of sensation even after the site has healed.You can explore how to make sex feel good for you, but make sure you follow safety precautions and take it slowly so you don't hurt yourself.
Step 14: Look into protection.
If you're not having a sexual relationship with just one person, or if there's a chance you or your partner could become pregnant, you will need to use protection to protect yourself.Consider your and your partner's needs, and have a discussion with them about what to use, as there are many types of protection available.Polyisoprene condoms protect from STDs.External condoms can be used for oral, anal, or vaginal sex.Don't use more than one condom at a time.It's a good idea to protect yourself from STIs.They are used for oral sex on the vagina or anus.Condoms, gloves, and even plastic wrap can be used as makeshift dental dams.There are latex and non-latex condoms on the market.They're used for sex with the hands.Protect from STDs.It's possible to slip them over a penis as a small condom since they only fit one finger per cot.Finger cots can be placed on enlarged clits, but they need to be used alongside a dental dam to avoid exposing the rest of the genitals.The birth control pill, patch, ring, and IUD are used to prevent pregnancies in people with a uterus and ovaries.They can be used by any AFAB person.Daily medications are used to prevent and protect against HIV.Those who are at higher risk of HIV exposure can use pre-exposure prophylactics, orPrEP, which is taken for at least a week before intercourse.It is used after sexual activity with someone who may have had HIV if it is started within 72 hours of possible HIV exposure.It is not recommended to use spermicide as birth control.It can cause irritation and increase the risk of STDs.
Step 15: Adapt your protection to what you need.
All bodies are different and some protection won't suffice for your needs.Protection can be altered to keep you and your partner safe.If you want to make a dental dam from a glove, you have to cut down the side of the little finger.The thumb can be put over an enlarged clit with the rest of the glove.Look at the length of the user's nails when using gloves or finger cots.If they have long nails, place a cotton ball into the tips of the glove or cot to act as a barrier.Nails can cause the glove or cot to break.Even small condoms might not fit some people who have had metoidioplasty or phalloplasty.If this is the case, you should try a finger cot.Only if you have sensation in your penis can you wear a cock ring over a condom.
Step 16: It's a good idea to know when to switch or dispose of barriers.
Condoms, dental dams, and gloves are vulnerable to breakdown and can carry diseases when used.You need to use a new condom, dental dam, or glove when you switch methods of sex.
Step 17: If you have had sex without a condom, learn how to protect yourself.
Sometimes, even if you take precautions, sex can happen unintentionally.If you find out you had sex without a condom, make an appointment with your doctor or sexual health clinic.If you're at risk of HIV or pregnant, you should do this as soon as possible.Do you know if you have been exposed to HIV?If you have penis-in-vagina sex, take emergency contraception.If you have been exposed, get tested for STDs.You can't get tested for STIs immediately after they're contracted.If you want to schedule follow-up appointments, ask your doctor when you should be tested.
Step 18: If you are experiencing pain, get a checkup.
Sex isn't something to suffer through if you have pain in your genitals.They can help you figure out what's causing the problem if you use plenty of lube, dilating before anal sex and talk to a doctor.You could seriously hurt yourself if you power through it or numb yourself.Pain can be caused by many conditions.Don't assume the cause, get it checked out.Take care if you're taking medications other than HRT.Pain can be caused by some medications and it can make it harder to get in the mood.Vaginal atrophy can cause pain even if you use lube.If your doctor says it's the problem, you should ask about estrogen creams or suppositories that only affect the vagina, so it won't interfere with your T.
Step 19: You should dress and groom how you like.
Take a shower or bath before having sex.If you want to make yourself feel sexy, shave, groom, and/or do something that just gets you in the mood, then spend some time.Afterwards, you can pick out underwear or lingerie that you feel most comfortable and attractive in, and any kind of clothing on top of it that makes you confident.Affirm your gender as normal, whether it's binding, stuffing, or packing.Some people prefer clothing that matches their gender identity while others don't.It's okay if you're comfortable with it.
Step 20: Sex toys that are gender affirming.
Some parts of a trans person's body can be uncomfortable, and others just want to feel normal.If you're 18 or older and have some money to spare, you may want to look into sex toys designed for trans and non-binary people; there are a variety of options out there that can affirm your gender, make sex more comfortable, or add some variety to your activities.AFAB people might consider clit pumps, strokers or masturbation sleeves, or strap-ons or dildos designed for trans men.If you choose a strap-on or dildo, use a well-fitting harness so it doesn't move around too much.People might consider anal toys.Make sure any anal toy has a flared base so that it doesn't get stuck inside you.Some might like nipple pasties.Sex toys can give you a physical barrier so that you and your partner don't have to touch your genitals.There are toys that aren't explicitly gendered, and you can also look for neutral colors.If you have to buy a gendered toy, don't be afraid to toss the packaging and store it somewhere else.
Step 21: Use a lubricant.
Regardless of your sex or sexual activity, lubricant is strongly recommended as it decreases friction and can improve how sex feels.lube makes sex safer by making it less likely that your skin will tear and that you will pass on STDs.It's possible to make the lube part of foreplay if you'd like.It's necessary for anal play regardless of gender.The skin of the anus is very thin, and without lubrication it will tear it.This increases the risk of STDs.T can dry out the vagina and lead to painful sex, so AFAB people on testosterone should use lube for vaginal play.The vagina doesn't produce enough lubrication on its own, so people who have gotten a vaginoplasty need lube for vaginal sex.The skin of the penis can thin on estrogen, so people on the drug may need lubrication.If you have had metoidioplasty or phalloplasty, you need to use a lot of lube.Friction can cause small tears in the penis.
Step 22: Start by playing foreplay.
If you've both been in the mood all day, going straight to sex can result in some pain, and not everyone likes that.Anything that arouses you and your partner can be used for foreplay, even if it doesn't involve touching.If you want to aim for romance, you can try lighting candles, taking a bath, or massaging each other's bodies.It is possible to try more sexual forms of foreplay.Maybe you and your partner enjoy stripteasing or watching porn together.Talking dirty can be stimulating.Foreplay can be used to grab sex toys and get them ready, like putting on a harness and dildo.Sex toys can be integrated into foreplay.If you need to have anal sex or have a vaginoplasty, work it into your foreplay.If you do move to sex, it can build anticipation.
Step 23: Try not to engage in penetrative sex.
It's okay if you and your partner are in the mood, but aren't ready to have sex.Other activities that still feel good can be explored instead of the traditional forms of sex.Kissing, petting, and grinding are activities that don't require removing clothes.Masturbation is something to try.One person can masturbate while another watches or touches the other non-sexually.If you're comfortable, involve manual sex.When you use hands or a sex toy on the erogenous zones, it can be kept fully external.If you and your partner are both over 18 and enjoy erotic photography or videos, try taking some alone or together.If you're okay with it, talk to your partner.It can be a good option for some people if Kink doesn't involve sexual touching.Before you try something, make sure to research how to do it safely.
Step 24: Try different activities.
Sex positions can be affirming or euphoric if they are stereotyped for certain genders.Experiments can help you and your partner discover what works and what doesn't.It's easy to discover what works and feels good when you try new things.You'll get the urge to move your body in ways that feel good to you or affirm your gender when you're aroused.Listen to the urges.There are different kinds of touches.Light pressure is different from heavy pressure.Some touches are preferred over others by you and your partner.Don't feel like you have to cover your nipples and genitals.It can feel good to kiss, touch, and massage other parts of the body.You and your partner can look at each other's bodies.muffing is when a person uses a finger to push their testicles into the inguinal canal.It is not for everyone, so don't feel bad if you do not like it.
Step 25: Talk to your partner.
It's hard to know if you're having good sex or not.Talking during sex can feel awkward if you're new to it, but by making it part of sex, you can make it feel natural.Before you try something new, get consent.Ask them if they can give you a hickey.I want the sex toy between your legs.Is that okay?Ask questions.It can be as simple as "Do you like it when I touch you?"Does that make you feel better?Do you want to stop?Listen to them.They will tell you when they like or dislike something, but they will also make noise if they are enjoying themselves.Give them feedback.Tell them when something feels good or not the right spot, guide their hand as needed, or just make noise.Don't be afraid to change positions or slow down.
Step 26: Determine your feelings during sex.
It's easy to get swept up in the moment, but if you don't assess how you're feeling during sex, you might end up feeling weird.You have to check in on your own feelings.Are you comfortable with what your partner is doing?Does it feel good to you?Does it feel good or bad?If something feels off, you can notice it more quickly by assessing how you feel.Inform your partner if they are doing something that doesn't interest you.Ask them to stop or guide them with your hands.If you're not comfortable, you can ask to stop or take a break.Sometimes a brief period to recollect yourself, talk to your partner, and/or go back to other types of touching can be enough.
Step 27: You need to get to the root of the problem.
It can happen even if you've talked to your partner ahead of time, as long as you don't know what's going on.If you find the cause of your dysphoria, you can see if the sex you're having is right for you.Dysphoria during sex can be a result of physical, voice, or appearance problems.Being uncomfortable bottoming, because you feel like it's feminine.Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings with your partner, a trusted friend, or a therapist.
Step 28: If you're not comfortable, don't force it.
If you're not in the mood for sex or feel weird about something, you can say no and not continue.It's okay to ask your partner to stop having sex.You can either try again later or not.
Step 29: It's normal to have some feelings after.
It's common to feel emotional after sex with a new partner, even if you enjoyed it in the moment.You could feel giddy, prideful, safe, validated, or comfortable.You could also feel emotions that you can't put a name to.You're not a bad person if you feel the way you do.What did you like and what made you feel bad?Are you in a relationship?Body dysphoria?What did you do or not do?Why did you have sex?You can use it as a learning experience and figure out how to work through those feelings.There are different sexual experiences.It can take a long time to figure out what works for you and your partner.It's not always possible to predict how you'll feel in the moment.It doesn't mean that you will never enjoy sex.Negative feelings shouldn't be overpowering.Don't be afraid to seek out a therapist if your sex life is adversely affected by your emotions after sex, and talk to your partner about how you're feeling.
Step 30: Determine the boundaries.
It's important to determine what the boundaries are for casual sex and sex in a committed relationship.You don't want to get pushed into a situation you're not comfortable with when you start looking for casual sex.Some people are okay with having sex.Others only want to receive or give.Is it okay to have sex with someone who sees trans people as a fetish?Do you want to have sex with people who don't like trans people?Take care of your sexual health.If you have an STD, you need to tell your partner about it.Is it okay to tell strangers that you have an STD?Substance use is common in hookup scenes.Do you want to have sex after drinking or using drugs?
Step 31: Decide what to say about being trans or nonbinary.
Not everyone will tell their partner they're trans if they aren't receptive.It is possible to avoid transphobia or violence if you come out.It's a good idea to make sure they know the basics of being trans.Put it in your hookup/dating profiles if you want to come out.Some people might send you weird messages.You should wear a pin, Badge, bracelet, or something similar.With your pronouns and the trans flag.Don't expect all cis people to recognize this.Tell the person via text or email.You should tell them when you meet in person.
Step 32: A safety plan can be created with a trusted person.
If alcohol or drugs are involved, hooking up can be dangerous.It is possible to get out of a potentially dangerous situation if you have someone available to you.Tell someone where you're going and when you expect to be back in a safety plan.If you are meeting a specific person, tell them who you're meeting.Regardless of whether you're meeting a specific person or just bar-hopping, going with a friend or family member is always a good idea.A check-in time where the person calls or texts you to see if you're okay."Call me and pretend I need to get home/pick you up" and "I'm okay" are examples of code words.Sharing your location on your phone will let someone find you if you don't respond.
Step 33: Take precautions to protect yourself.
If you add substances to the mix, it can get more difficult to stay safe.Some small actions can make a big difference in your safety in the long run, even though there's no guaranteed way to avoid STIs, violence, or any kind of assault.If you've met someone on an app, take a picture of their profile.Pick your outfit without neck accessories.If the person you're meeting is violent, they may choke you.At least half an hour before sex, you should brush and floss your teeth.If you give oral sex earlier, you are more likely to get a STD.Whether that's condoms, gloves, dental dams, or all three, bring lube and protection yourself.Don't expect the other person to have them.If you get robbed, don't bring too much money with you.You should be aware of your surroundings.You have to know where you're going.Don't get too drunk if you're consuming alcohol.Don't leave drinks unattended, and never accept open drinks.You should remember that drugs can be cut with other substances and that sharing needles can transmit diseases.Don't take anything if you're not familiar with it or have a bad feeling.
Step 34: There is a public place where you can meet.
If you're meeting up with a specific person, don't meet them at someone's house or an isolated area, go to a public place like a park, coffee shop, or café.It's easier to leave if you decide you don't want to hook up with the person.If you're going out at night, go well-lit.If the streetlights do not work, you don't want to meet in the parking lot.Bring your own car, go with a friend, take public transport, or get a taxi to get you home.Don't depend on the person to take you home.If you meet in a private place, take a picture of the door, apartment number, or street sign and send it to yourself.
Step 35: Don't forget to pay attention to body language.
In bars and clubs, much of the communication is not spoken.This can happen regardless of gender.If someone is interested in hooking up with you, look for body language that indicates they are interested.In some areas, tapping your foot in the stall of a men's room means you're there for sex.It is possible to get a good idea of what a hookup looks like by watching how other people act.
Step 36: There are signs of a chaser.
A chaser is someone who likes trans people.chasers can be dangerous if they ignore or violate your boundaries, and many trans people are not comfortable with this.While some people will state that they're chasers, someone who fetishizes trans people might: Seem fascinated or obsessed with your gender, but not you as a person."I only date pre/post-op women, and I'm into much weirder things than trans guys."Even if it's friendly, use slurs related to gender identity if you want to see your genitals or have sex.
Step 37: You should be upfront about your needs and boundaries.
It can be hard to talk about sex with someone you don't know well, but it's a lot harder to deal with after sex.If you have any boundaries on what you don't like, make sure to communicate them before you hook up.I do not have sex without condoms.Do you want to find another partner?I'm happy to touch you in any way you want, but I don't want to be touched.I want to say that I'm not comfortable with butt stuff.Anything else is fair game.I wear a tank top underneath my shirt.Don't touch my chest, please.
Step 38: Don't compromise on safety.
Some people will say they are clear when they're not if you can't always tell if someone has an STD.If you're going to hook up with someone, make sure you use protection and stick to them.If the person refuses protection, you can say "put on a glove first, please."An STD is more uncomfortable than a dental dam.Are you allergic to latex?I have condoms.Here.I'm not having sex with you if you don't use protection.
Step 39: Don't hesitate to leave if you have to.
Whether you ran into a chaser, met someone who won't respect your boundaries, or simply changed your mind, it's okay to leave and look for a different partner.You can either tell the person you're not interested or give them an excuse to leave.If you feel unsafe, don't stay and have sex with this person.If the person keeps pushing to touch you in ways you don't like, you can say, "I've told you I'm not comfortable with that."I think we're looking for different things.Don't go home if the person follows you.They don't want to go to your house.You can call the police if you go to a well-lit public place.
Step 40: Enjoy yourself.
Hooking up and casual sex is fun and empowering for some trans people, so if you're comfortable with it, don't be afraid to enjoy it.Do what feels best for you, and take steps to protect yourself.It's your life, after all!