When you discover your spouse has a drinking problem, act.
It is thought that alcoholism is a family disease.A person who abuses alcohol hurts their spouse, children, and friends.It is natural to be confused, sad, or scared if you discover that your spouse is addicted to alcohol.There is good news about alcoholism.You can learn to support your spouse if they decide to get help.Take some time to learn about alcohol addiction if you just discovered your spouse has a drinking problem.Next, have a conversation with your spouse and decide which steps are appropriate for you and your family.
Step 1: People abuse alcohol due to a number of reasons.
Some people start drinking to get away from their problems, others drink because they have poor impulse control, and other people get hooked because of never learning healthy ways to relax.Identifying the reason your spouse drinks will help you support them in their recovery.
Step 2: Understand that alcoholics don't think logically.
You might be confused or angry that your spouse would try to solve their problems by drinking excessively.It is not based on reason that addiction is a reaction to emotional problems.addiction hijacks a person's brain and gives them a warped sense of priorities.Non-addicted people can't understand how warped priorities cloud an addicted person's judgement.Obtaining and drinking booze is the most important thing in life for an alcoholic, whether they admit it to themselves or not.
Step 3: You should acknowledge your own role in the situation.
When alcohol is involved, there are many patterns that arise.You may have supported your spouse's drinking in ways that you didn't realize.It is possible that you played a role in your spouse's addiction.Did you ever lie to your spouse when they were drunk or hungover, even though you knew they had a drinking problem?Alcohol abusers are able to persist in their bad habits because of actions like this.It may make the problem worse if you drink with your spouse.If you frequently drink with your spouse, make a commitment to stop so that it doesn't look like you're endorsing their drinking behavior.It is best to stop protecting your spouse from the consequences of their own actions if you think they have a drinking problem.
Step 4: The consequences of alcohol abuse can be learned.
If alcohol abuse is not treated, it will get worse, and it can have devastating consequences on the people close to them.Marriages, families, and relationships are destroyed by alcoholism.It can lead to serious health problems.People who drink too much are more likely to be abusive.Alcoholism is linked to a number of diseases.It contributes to fatal car accidents.
Step 5: Don't wait to talk to your spouse.
When you discover your spouse has a drinking problem, it is important to talk to them.The consequences of alcohol abuse can be serious, and the problem will not go away on its own.It will be harder to deal with in the future if you ignore it now.Some people say that an alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom before they can get better.Many people can stop drinking before they get to this point.The earlier your spouse gets help, the easier it will be for them to quit.
Step 6: Talk to your spouse when they are sober.
You won't get far if you try to have a conversation with your spouse while they are drunk.To have a productive talk, both of you need to be present.Try to talk to your spouse when they are sad.They may be more willing to listen to you when they feel bad about their drinking.
Step 7: The actions of your spouse affect you.
Tell your spouse how their behavior makes you feel.Don't blame them for making bad choices.When you find out your spouse has been hiding an addiction from you, it is natural to feel upset or hurt, but speaking in anger can make them refuse to cooperate with you.You might say, "It really bother me how you stay out late at bars so often."I worry about where you are.It hurts me to know that you would rather get drunk than be with me.
Step 8: You should be blamed for drinking instead of your spouse.
If the two of you are a team, talk to your spouse about alcohol abuse.If you make your spouse feel defensive, they may shut you out and start drinking more.They may feel guiltier about hurting you if you are on their side.Say something like, "I hate what your drinking is doing to our relationship"It hurts both of us because it is driving us apart.
Step 9: Don't demand immediate change or make ultimatums.
Bringing your spouse's drinking problem out into the open should be the goal of this conversation.During and after the talk, both of you will experience intense emotions.Give yourself and your spouse time to think through the situation before making a decision.You could say something like, "This is hard to talk about, and it's going to take some time to come to terms with it."We should do some research before we decide what to do next.
Step 10: Establish boundaries with your spouse.
Strong personal boundaries are the best way to keep an addiction out of your life.Decide which behaviors you can tolerate and which ones you don't.Let your spouse know of your new expectations.You might say to your spouse, "If you shout at me again when you are drunk, I am going to take the kids and leave the house."Your spouse will push over them if you don't.
Step 11: Help your spouse plan for recovery.
It's easier for people to recover from addiction if they feel like their spouse is behind them.Discuss what your spouse needs from you.As they begin the road to recovery, be patient and compassionate with them.It is not possible to make someone recover from addiction if they do not want to.If your spouse doesn't seek treatment, what will you do?Some spouses of addiction consider this to be grounds for divorce.You should seek treatment with each other.As your spouse changes you will need to adjust to new habits as well as work out the issues of alcohol use.You and your spouse will have to define your relationship without alcohol.
Step 12: You shouldn't try to control your spouse's recovery.
Nagging your spouse to go to AA meetings or trying to watch their behavior all the time won't do any good in the end.It's only your spouse who can get better.Recovery has to be their decision and your support can make a difference.If your spouse doesn't try to get better, focus on what actions you will take, instead of trying to control their behavior.
Step 13: Don't forget to take care of yourself.
It can be exhausting to support a recovering alcoholic.It is possible that you need to distance yourself from yourself for the sake of your emotional health.Eating right, getting enough sleep, taking time to relax, and finding social support are things to focus on.You can meet other people who understand what you are going through at a support group like Al-Anon.
Step 14: If you feel unsafe, leave.
If you have children, get out as soon as you can if your spouse yells at you, threatens you or hits you.Find a shelter in your area or stay with a family member.You don't need to feel guilty if you put your own safety first.