Relationships are hard.Even the best of us go through rough patches when it comes to managing two different people.These relationships are usually worth fighting for.To fight for a relationship, you will need to reach out to your estranged partner, come to terms with the past, and accept that person for who they are.
Step 1: I apologize.
Whether it's because of a fight, careless words or long-term resentments, relationships strain when one or both partners feel hurt.All relationships go through this.It is important to apologize when you have done wrong.Apologizing shows your commitment to your partner.To apologize, you have to be specific and sincere.Accept that you damaged trust in the relationship.Accepting all responsibility isn't the same as owning up to your part.Be specific and sincere.Don't apologize for something other than to make amends and heal damage.Be specific about what you are apologizing for and how it hurt the other person.I apologize for storming off during our argument.It hurt you and made you feel humiliated.Please forgive me.These don't accept responsibility and come off as insincere.Don't ask for an apology in return, "I'm sorry if what I did offended you."It's important to give your partner time to process their feelings.Asking for an apology seems to be a demand.
Step 2: Listen to your partner.
The first part of reaching out is an apology.It can break the ice and begin the healing process.Don't be surprised if your partner does something to you.Resist the urge to defend yourself and instead listen and be patient.Don't be defensive or insist on finishing your side of the story.If you want to correct or refute your partner, you should let them speak.You can demonstrate that you are serious about healing the rift by allowing your partner to speak openly without fear.The point of an apology is to heal the relationship.It's not about proving who was right or wrong.
Step 3: Don't over-pursue, but leave the door open.
You should tell your partner that you want to save the relationship.Accept that these things will take time.You may end up driving your partner further away if you try to pursue them.While leaving the door open to reconciliation, allow for some time and space.When your partner is ready, be clear that you are ready to talk.They should know that you are open to communication.People want physical and emotional space after an argument or hurt.Don't hound your partner, try to recognize and respect the need for distance.
Step 4: Counseling can be done as an individual or together.
Counseling isn't a sure-fire fix, but it can help you air and work out problems as well as learn how to communicate more effectively with your partnerIf your relationship is in trouble consider couples counseling.Even going to counseling on your own can be helpful.If one of you is acting on negative feelings, or if you have been having communications or trust issues, ask your partner to go to counseling with you.You can both work with a counselor.This may take a long time.Ask potential counselors questions about their credentials, experience, and fitness to help you.A counselor is more of a consultant than a fixer.Outside of your sessions, the most important work will occur.Even if your partner doesn't attend, you should find a counselor or therapist.
Step 5: You should be prepared to explore your past history.
To fight for a relationship, you need to face problems head-on and not just paper them over.You should be prepared to discuss the issues in your relationship with a counselor.This isn't easy.Revisiting old hurts, talking about resentments, and expressing disappointment are some of the things it means.Listen to your partner.To move forward, you need to attend and understand past hurt.Be willing to speak your mind.Always tactfully do so.You may see that these were not as bad as you thought if you look at the underlying motives.Take a moment to remember what drew you together.There was a reason you and your partner ended up together.If it is possible to regain that spark, try to reflect on why you loved each other.
Step 6: You can express your feelings in a constructive manner.
Learning how to talk and even disagree while putting your feelings out in the open is important.It can help you and your partner to see each other in a different light.Talk to your counselor about effective communication if you are having counseling.Try to avoid accusatory language and generalizations, as well as follow the rules of effective communication.Stick to the facts and your feelings.Talk about what you need from your partner, not what they are failing to give you, i.e., "I need but don't feel your support for my career as a businesswoman."Don't interrupt, but listen and restate what you've heard.
Step 7: It's a good idea to accept your partner.
You have to be willing to accept your partner as a whole person in order to fight for your relationship.This is a big challenge.If you want to keep your connection, you need this one.Look from the other side.Have you ever hated your partner's messiness?If you can reverse the situation, you might be able to see their point of view.Accept that you don't have control over your partner.Seeing their "incorrect" habits as a reflection of upbringing or deep held priorities and values can help to ease the tension.Some boundaries should be maintained, though.You don't have to accept destructive or abusive behavior.
Step 8: Let go of the feelings of superiority.
If you want to save a relationship, you have to compromise on small things like habits and behavior but also on the larger feeling that you are in the right.You can't change the way you see yourself and your partner.If one of you is correct, the other is not.Your partner's opinions don't invalidate yours, they are just different.Your ideas of how to act, talk, and socialize might be different from your partner's.One of these views isn't necessarily more correct than the other.They are not the same.
Step 9: Support your partner's needs.
Building empathy is probably the most important thing in fighting for a relationship.Accepting your partner's opinions and values should be an effort on your part to try to meet their emotional and physical needs, as best you can, without compromising yourself.If your partner's needs don't break with your own values, be open to compromise.Religion is important to your partner but not to you.Is it possible for you to support this part of their life?Now that you know that your partner expresses affection in different ways than you, maybe you should give them gifts or gestures.Are you willing to learn the language?An effort will make your partner feel appreciated.
Step 10: Find out if your ex is still interested.
Sometimes we want to fight for the end of a relationship.This is not a new thing.50% of younger adults reconcile at least once after a break up.If your ex is still interested in you, try to read the signals.It's a good idea to be subtle.It is best to keep your distance at first because your ex may feel like he is being badgered.If you want friends to investigate on your behalf, don't force contact.If you still have some contact, try to get hints from things like social media or your ex-partner.The odds are in your favor.
Step 11: Make contact.
You will need to reach out if you still think your ex is interested.Something low-key is what you should try.Send your ex-partner a message on Facebook or email.If you are too loud, you may scare them away.Have a reason to initiate contact.I was eating ice cream today and it made me think of how much you love Chunky Monkey.I saw your name on Facebook and thought I would say hello.Let your ex guide the next move, I hope you are doing well.The reply should be curt.Hope you are well too, your chance of a reconciliation might not be good.A response that is effusive can indicate interest.If the response is positive, try to arrange a meeting.If you want to talk over coffee or a drink, ask.Make it clear that you just want a short meeting.
Step 12: It's time to clear the air.
You should know how you want to say it.Your ex may still harbor strong feelings for you, so choose your words carefully.If you need to, apologize, but be tactful.If you want to put the relationship in perspective, you should say that you are sorry things didn't work out.Let the discussion guide what you say, I just wanted to see how you've been and to talk about what went wrong between us.If your ex seems to retain strong feelings for you, don't press the issue if you're seeing other people.If your ex wants to reignite the relationship, take things slowly.There were probably some good reasons why things ended.If your ex isn't interested in getting back together, be prepared to move on.You can have final closure on the matter.